Advertisements
I started this process to adopt from foster care a year and a half ago. I got approved in April. I just got matched for an 11 year old girl. Everything seems to be happening so fast and I am freaking out. I am a single 34 year old and wondering what was I thinking and can I handle this and how can I afford to raise a child. I make a good salary but I have some credit card debt that I am trying to pay down and am now mad at myself for getting into, of course. The girl is not eligible for a federal subsidy but may be for state, which I think is income based and I have a feeling my income will be too high. The girl seems perfect for me, though. She doesn't appear to have any mental or physical problems that she will need therapy or doctor visits for. She is involved in tons of activities like dance, band, and pageants, which I take as a good sign. I am supposed to do disclosure on her with my caseworker in the next few days and possibly meet her next week. She already knows about me and is so excited. But I am freaking out nonetheless and questioning everything and worrying about everything, especially money and the fact that my life will change completely soon. I've been independent for so long. Is this normal to be scared and anxious? How do those of you single parents who have adopted handle everything yourself--finances, time, etc.? I guess just want some reassurance that everything will be okay. Thanks.
Kristi
Like
Share
Kristi, when we were pulling up to the orphanage to get my first DD, I told them to turn around! The joke had gone far enough. Luckily, they did not listen to me!
All I can say is that things work out. Your schedule changes, your purchases change, you adapt. It was the best thing I ever did. I was scared both times, but I would think it would be strange if you were not scared and nervous. This is a major life change!
Good luck and try to relax and enjoy it!
Kay
Advertisements
Kristi, I wouldn't change it for the world. I spent months reworking my budget, paying things down, and wondering how I was going to do it. Like every other change in my life -- I really figured it out on the fly. Kids are expensive. And a treasure. If she is meant to be your daughter -- you will figure it out. Samantha
Please, please do NOT let money be a deciding factor in your desire to be a mom. (unless you won't be able to feed or put a roof over your head) If she is 11 years old she may be elegible for Medicaid, monthly stipend & college paid for to the Phd level. I say go for it & LOVE being a mom!!!!! I'm single work full time & in a LOT of debt but wouldn't change a thing.
Kristi, I'm glad you started this post. I am feeling the same way. I'm single and 38. I've been thinking about adoption for years and decided at the beginning of this year to pursue this dream through foster-adopt. Things have been going fairly quickly and my homestudy is now being sent to the state for the home inspection. I could very well be matched w/ a child w/in the next couple of months. As it gets closer, I am starting to wonder 'what am I doing?/Can I make it on my own with a child?' But it is good to hear that other single parents feel the same way. I guess it is normal to feel some anxiety/worries as we embark on a major life change--not just for ourselves but for the children too. And if your like me, you want to know that you are going to do right by the child.
Thanks so much for your responses. You have all made me feel so much better already. I know it's going to be a lot of sacrificing and stressful at times--it already is and she isn't even here yet! But I'm hoping it will all be worth it. I'm waiting for my caseworker to receive all her records and then I will review those and get to meet her. I'm getting excited (and scared!)
Kristi
Advertisements
I am so glad i read the comments here because i feel exactly the same way as many of the other singles looking ot adopt.
like how will i do it? how will i afford it? what was i thinking? how will i fit it in with my work schedule? what will i do about childcare??
it is good to know that i am not alone and others feel this way as well.
I'm waiting, but Kristi, I think these feelings are absolutely normal. I go through cycles of "I can do this" "I want to do this" "omg what am I thinking".... (ETA: I'm also single and early 30s)
In talking with even the couples I became friends with during my PRIDE classes they feel the same way and they are not single.
YEs things will change, but I've seen many people do it and adjust fine. (please keep this in mind and help me out when it is my turn :) )
How exciting for you though.....this IS exciting. :dance: Keep us posted.