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Hello to all of you who are in this wonderful, at times sad world- my daughter is 27 years old and found me last week! I cannot tell you the joy I feel every moment - my husband has known since he met me, that my greatest hope was one day she would find me - and she did! I will meet her on Memorial Day - does it get any better than that!
I only have one problem and it is completely seperate from her - I married and had children when she was 15 - when she was 21 I gave up hope that she would look for me - I provided every change of address since the day she was born, so knew it would be no problem for her to find me if it was her desire.
I have two children 12 and 10, I never told them about my daughter - I did not want them to deal with the sadness related to my choices. However, I really am scared that she is hurt that I have not told them, and I am afraid to take the tarnish off the mom halo - I absolutely will tell them, just wondering if anyone out there has told younger children and how it went??????
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Your other children are very young. We adoptees know birth mothers usually keep us secret ... often from their husbands as well. Don't sweat this. Your halo can be completely tarnished and she will still love you. That's what the blood bond is all about. Don't forget, this is something you haven't experienced. She hasn't experienced giving up her baby and you haven't experienced growing up with absolutely no one in your life who shares your genes. And trust me, it makes a huge difference to finally find someone who does. She will not stop loving you.
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Thank you! What an amazing insight you have - my daughter tells me she would not know how to deal with her adoptive parents telling her she had a big sister she did not know about - I only kept my girl secret from my boys, the rest of the people who know me are celebrating my wonderful opportunity to get to know her. I hope you have found success!
I told my kids when they were the same age as your kids.. it worked out okay..
But IMO you need to watch them.. make sure they get the emotional reinforcement they need..
There is a current thread started by a woman who's mother told her she had a bdaughter and the mother went off into reunion land and the woman feels justifiably left behind..(<my interpretation of her words) But this woman is in her thirties and the secret was IMO more devastating.. or difficult.. as age does make a difference.. But then I could be wrong..
[url]http://forums.adoption.com/birth-family-support/330753-difficulty-accepting-newly-discovered-half-sister.html[/url]
Sooo take your time with this.. know that you got the rest of your life to sort this..
Jackie
I was faced with a similar situation 17 years ago. My bson insisted my husband and I introduce him to the children we were parenting (his half sibs). My bson was very insistent and my pain level was too high to proceed judiciously (his birth/relinquishment occured during the Baby Scoop Era and was not my choice). It didn't turn out to be the best choice. I won't go into detail here; I'll just say that I wish we'd gotten to know each other before he was introduced. I wish I had waited until they were older.