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hi, i'm new here, so i don't know how this goes. i've known that i was adopted all my life. i thought i was abandoned, but when i was 20 i was reunited with my birthmother and at 26 with my birthfather. the latter wants nothing to do with me...he's the reason i was adopted. however, i'm an adult now (30!) and the relationship with my birthmother is to the point where i cannot converse with her without getting angry. it's like she wants to constantly remind me that she made me who i was. but she didn't. she contributed to part of who i am, but not what i've become. it feels like she's trying to take over my mother's role, and i love my mother and simply don't need someone pushing her out.
my birthmother and i constantly argue, and i just want to be able to tell her how i feel, and that i need some time before i talk to her again. we had been somewhat close, but after this bickering, it's pretty much broken off. i'm ready for adoption to not be at the forefront of my mind...it's merely a part of me. do any of you older adoptees have advice for talking with a reunited birthparent about such issues in a careful manner?
thanks, and i hope to learn a lot from the group.
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Hi Katarina, I am in my very late 30's, reunited adoptee. I have met everyone in my birth family that is still alive, mom, dad, sister, brother, cousins, aunts and uncles. I don't know nor have I heard of a reunion that goes perfect. I've had issues, one of my siblings has had issues. I don't have as many years as you do in reunion, however I am so much like my mom that I feel like I know her that much better. I guess the first thing that struck me in your post is that your birth mom must be very proud of you. She is wanting to claim you as hers and I am guessing she loves you a lot too? I do agree that if you do need space to be up front about it, just don't close any doors. That would be my only advice. DebsW