Withdrawal Pains

Hi Mockingbird, I just found my son 3 weeks ago and am really getting down. He was very anxious to email back and forth but I have received only one from him and I have sent 6-7 of them and he never answers them. Do you think I should be worried, he changed his mind or does it just take a while? Thanks and god bless Jean

I have been in reunion since February and at first we emailed almost daily. We met f2f in July and it was a very enjoyable time. I met her parents and brother and some friends or the family. My DH and 2 boys were with me. We all had a very nice time. But since that the emails and texting has decreased significantly. It has been now 12 days since I have heard from her. I would send her a message but I am afraid to bug her. I do not want to overwhelm her. I just hate this. I feel like now that she has met me she no longer has a need for anything else. So frustrating:hissy:

Oooh I HEAR YOU! I went through the same thing. I guess what I try to do is every couple of weeks I send an email saying what we've been up to and asking how he's doing. I don't think you're really experiencing pullback, I think it's just everyday life getting in the way for them. It IS different for them. We spend their entire lives thinking about them every single day. They don't usually. I don't think any of you are in a place to give up hope yet really! I guess after 1 1/2 years I'm in a place of acceptance. There were two things that have really helped me not freak out about the non-communication any more. First was talking to his step-mom. She has really welcomed me into the family. It just feels more 'real' now. The other was the mother's day card I got from him this year. When I'm feeling really down I just look at that and get back into place. I think it's easy for us to feel sad. We were told we didn't deserve a place in their lives from the beginning, that's a super hard thing to break out of. Hope you all hear something soon!

jeanann505 You are really early into this process--you did the finding and he had the surprise. He may be freaking thinking about how his life is changing--he is probably just taking some time to process this. My son searched and found me. Even though I had hoped that I would meet him one day, it was a true shock when he called. I felt like I was going crazy--couldn't sleep (I'd wake up constantly during the night thinking about him), couldn't concentrate, hardly ate--I lost 10 pounds like that! I had to figure out how to tell my family and friends. It really throws you into a tailspin for a while. What age is your son? sstuart That's how I was feeling earlier this year and I finally just asked him about where I fit into his life--I think he was surprised that I felt insecure. Maybe you should just ask her where she feels like you two stand relationship-wise. quantum Congratulations on the year and a half. Our first anniversary is coming up soon--I can't believe it's already been a year! My son sent me a Mother's Day card also and it is a most treasured item.

Mockingbird I am 8 years into my reunion. I too started out with those same queries....."Who calls first?" Will he think I am annoying him? Can I respond when I want or do I have to wait a while?" . And....you know.....in the end it doesn't really matter what you do. You can write as often as you like, or call when you feel like it (or have something you want to share). Very seledom will you been thought a nuisance just as they would not be a nuisance to you if they increased their contact. It's all relative. If they have a busy life... the calls are short. If they have the time to chat....the calls will be longer. It took me at least 3 years to stop stressing about the small stuff. Now we both do what feels best. Good luck everyone....realise you are day by day, building a history that gives you both a common interest. Ann

I am trying to remember how often D and I communicated at the beginning. We did have a lot of emails back and forth and I sent him a lot of pix by email and told him family stories, because he seemed to want to know. At this point (3 years later), I actually hear more from his wife than I do from him. I will IM him when he is on line and we'll chat if he has time. I have come to realize that lack of constant contact is actually a sign of the acceptance we have of each other. We both know the other will be there; we don't have to talk constantly. (That doesn't mean there aren't times when I feel insecure!) D is a father of three children 3 and under and a 13 year old. He also works! This is a very busy time in his life. D has invited me to be part of his life; he has accepted my other two as his siblings. We are invited to events like birthday parties. After 3 years, the only person beyond my immediate family that D has met, is my dad. Meeting my extended family will happen when he is ready. I had the joy of baptizing his younger children recently. D has truly blessed me!