Being Friends with your Child's other mother

I don't think I would have been friends with AJ's firstmom. We don't have much in common, and our personalities/lifestyles/morals are polar opposites...not saying that either one is right or wrong, just so different that we would be hard pressed to find a basis for a friendship. Our love of AJ is what cements our relationship; I feel a great deal of love for her, but really no "connection". As for JD's firstmom, there are 15 years between us, but it might as well be 50 - haha. We don't share much in common, but we've built a friendship...However, I've met her older sister (who is only a few years younger than me) and we get along great! We also have tons in common. I could see her as a friend even without JD to connect us.

No i really dont think so ,,, we are complete opposites ,,,,

No. Not at all.

I think for me S and I have alot in common and we get along great. So yeah, I think if we would have crossed paths outside of adoption I think we could have been friends.

Been thinking about this a little more as I think, based on other answers, I didn't fully get the question. The truth is that we would most likely have never met if adoption would not have brought us together. If nothing else, it was because of location. We lived in different places. But I have been amazed how much in common we have in personality, even though we have led very different lives and come from very different families and circumstances. DD's other mom and I met a couple week ago just the two of us. We hadn't really talked without the presence of others for a couple of years. And we still clicked. We were both nervous but once we hugged it was like we hadn't been separated. I just wish that she would be able to engage in friendship because I think we could be great supports to each other and it would only benefit DD. DS's other mom said the minute she physically saw me, she started crying because she felt in her soul that we were meant to have a connection. She's deeply spiritual in her own way. I just wish I knew her better and hope that happens soon, as we are moving very close to where she lives. They picked people with whom they felt some connection to be parents for their kids. I still hope that friendship comes from it. With effort from all of us, I think it will. I don't think you have to have lots of things in common to be friends.

I've been thinking about this too and just remembered that I gave DD's birth mom a bracelet that said "Soul Friend" in Gaelic and I do feel like we will always be friends. (your story about your kid's other mom reminded me of this, Tammy). Despite our age differences, we actually do have a lot in common.....a warped sense of humor for one!

[FONT="Verdana"]No, I would not be and am not friends with my child's other parents. I relinquished in the era of closed adoption and was given no real information about my son's adoptive parents, who were selected by the agency. I found out in reunion that my son's adoptive mother was very fearful of me and that is why she refused to give me a picture of my son, which the agency had offered to me when he was several months old. Therefore, for 20 years, the only thing I truly knew about my son's adoptive parents was that they had a hard heart toward me for some unknown reason. I had no idea they were fearful of my existence and my potential power to take my son back because they had lied on the home study, thereby committing fraud, in my opinion.

When my son found me, I came to his adoptive family with an open, loving and forgiving heart. In turn, they lied to me and manipulated me. I am truly shocked and saddened by their ethics, their actions and the way that they raised my son. I could never be friends with such people, especially because they continue to justify their actions and completely fail to understand why their behavior is wrong.

This situation makes me very sad, because I would really like for all of us to be able to work together for the sake of my child. [/FONT]

No, I wouldn't. Our paths would have never ever crossed in a million years had we not been connected through adoption.

In response to that question I would say YES!!!!!! My experience from the beginning with this couple was textbook. I would be their friend even without the adoption process. chosen a parent that was adopted has made it so much easier for us. They have been on both sides. I think when choosing a family, that is a question you should pose to yourself. This is a life long decision.

I would have had the opportunity to meet her, since we had a mutual connection and that is how we were matched. I felt instantly connected, and had I not I would not have placed with her. She reminded me a lot of my aunt. She considers me a friend, and I her, but in reality there are a lot of guards up on her part, so I don't really know if we share a lot of the same interests outside of DD. She rarely talks about herself outside of "mom mode"

No, I don't think we would of been friends or ever will be...not by my choice, but by hers.

Hmmm. I am not sure. Age isnt to big we are 27 and 24, birthmom is 18. But she is more into the party scene than we are. We are old for our ages. I have the grey hair to prove it!!! And I live overseas in the military, so chances are we would never have been in the same social arena.

While I doubt that we would ever have met if it hadn't been for the adoption, I do consider her a friend. There is an age difference of 11 years - not so much that we can't relate, but enough to have little in common on a topical level. I will say that we share a sense of humor, a stubborn streak, and a similar point of view on lots of the "bigger" issues - politics, religion, basic values. I see parts of my younger self in her, and wonder how my life would have been without the family I had. I have told her as much, and I think that she appreciated it. She has several older sisters that range from 30-43, and I think that she looks at me as another one in some ways. When we were first getting to know each other we talked alot, and almost never about the baby. She wanted to know everything about us, and I wanted to know her. Since placement our conversations and visits focus first on our son (I really feel like he is ours - both hers and mine), and then on other things. My husband, her BF, our dogs, jobs, school, tv shows, etc. I really think that all the time we both took trying to get to know each other before really laid the basis for a friendship. At least, I hope so.

well, i am going to be the exception and say ABSOLUTELY!!! my bdaughter's amom (matrikin) is one of the coolest, smartest, kindest women i've ever gotten to meet. i was able to choose the parents in my adoption, so i obviously went for someone with whom i felt i had a lot in common. after the reunion, we've opened up to each other a lot more about our lives, childhood's, ect...and i find her truly inspirational. we both had very difficult childhoods, and she has really done amazing things in her life and been a great parent to our daughter. we have a big age difference - 21 years, but now that i am 40 it doesn't seem so huge and i think raising our daughter has kept her youthful in a lot of ways. if i sat next to her on a bus i have a feeling i would go home with her email address in my pocket. it's one of those "meant to be" things.

First of all let me just say I'm not sure I ever would have met her as we lead very different lives (and I"m an East Coaster and she's from the Mid West). But we really love each other as people! In fact it felt totally natural taking her to her parole appointment (LOL if you knew me you'd know how funny that is), having a BBQ, sleeping on her futon. I don't know why. We just click. She never judged me for being able to parent (she really can't) or for having more than she does. I"m not sure I'd be capable of such generosity of spirit. She's really awesome in that way. She was a model btw and I was a model agent for a long time. We do have that in common. Fashion models get very close to their "bookers" so maybe that had something to do with it! Talk about fate!