baby girl Jeffords picked/chosen-

THANK YOU..when I posted, I just started here...the more I come here and read the various posts, the more I realize how much I just was unaware of..... Thank you all for the education--I guess you can teach an 'old dog'....hahaha ((( HUGS ))):thanks:

I will explain that God had a plan for me to parent, and I thought it was to get pregnant and give birth. His plan, though, was for me to become a mom thru adoption. It was His plan, and it worked beautiful, because I have 3 children who I adore, and who hopefully will be as comfortable with their adoption as the OP is.

I hope they are/will be, too. I feel as long as you are honest with them, and be advised as to when is the correct time to tell them..they're adopted (instead of them finding out from someone other than yourself) Personally I'm glad my parents were open to me and my questions. (probably why I feel so positive about my adoption) ((( HUGS )))

Hmm. Well. You certainly put ME in MY place, didn't you. I'm just the evil, ungrateful little adoptee who antagonizes happy posters. You know, I'm getting really sick of trying to find support in these forums. I'm sick of the b.s. triad. (By the way, 'triad' implies three equal parts. There certainly isn't any equality when one part of the supposed triad doesn't have a choice, and then is told to shut up if they have something negative to say.) So. With that said, I'm leaving this forum. My short time here was a complete waste of internet space. I'm glad that all the incubators and baby stealers are oh so happy with your lot. Too bad not all of us can be that way. And to those of you who are offended by the 'incubators and baby stealers' comment, maybe it'll help you reflect on how it feels to be told that you're not worth more than a dumpster burial or an ap's moral ego.

oh wait! let me apologize! That's all I need to do to make it better, right?

again, I sincerely apologize..I did not mean to attack/flame anyone. I am sorry for hurting you, zuko...and anyone else I hurt. I didn't mean to be insensitive to your feelings... I wish I could just delete my original post so that there would be no more bad feelings / hurt (which was NOT my intention). I AM SORRY....sincerely!!!

This is actually a good topic. It hit on some sore spots for some folks. By no means am I taking aim at you Rsummitt. I understand being happy with your adoption. I love my adoptive parents passionately. I would not trade them in. I didn't become unhappy with adoption until I got scammed by the adoption agency that placed me. I have actually been told these following things by outsiders and "uneducated" adoptive parents:[LIST=1][*]You should be grateful that you weren't aborted.[*]You should be grateful that you weren't dumped in a dumpster.[*]Your adoptive parents are probably ashamed of you.[/LIST]I can fully imagine the "birthmothers and the adoptive parents on this forum coming unhinged at someone for saying that to their child. I know that my adoptive mother came unhinged when I first told her about it. If she or my sisters ever heard someone saying that to me, I can guarantee you that it would be a fight.Seriously though why are we adoptees told this? Why do we believe it as you do? I honestly believe that I lucked out. I don't think God had much say in it except that he tried several times to wake me up. Adoption is a man made social invention. Even in the Bible, God wants truth in adoption. Moses is the perfect example of that. If our birth parents placed us for adoption, then abortion or dumping were not options for our parents. Can I get an amen from the birth parents and the adoptive parents on this? I have researched adoption long enough to know that this is a tactic to keep us separated and keep us from talking honestly with each other. I have had adoption professionals tell me that this as well. I personally don't want you being grateful for being "saved." I just want you to be happy.

The more people that still add to this post..the more I wake up to how stupid/naive I was. I feel so badly that I have hurt so many people . The last thing I meant to do. I have a different view now regarding adoption/adoptees. Please understand that I am truly sorry....please don't be mad at me anymore. I've learned my lesson. Before I contribute anymore, I will try long and hard to think about everyone first. But yes..I am happy that I was adopted by two wonderful people and raised with love...god let them rest in peace. ((((HUGS))))

Rsummit... You really need to stop apologizing. Once was enough and if there are certain members who couldn't accept that apology, it's their problem. It also doesn't mean you can't share your opinions of being happy or grateful or whatever it is you feel. The only point by those who were having a respectful dialogue with you on this was to show you how your words in the first post could be offensive and generalized. For those who refused to move on and be disrespectful, their problem completely.

Seriously...you're happy with your adoption, and know that now, there are many bitter with adoption, too. Please quit apologizing, and don't try to change your complete life view on what others have said. Your opinions ARE your opinions, and you are entitled to them just as much as those who disagree and have differing opinions. While I am all for learning something new every day, it is a pity that we can't say what we think and feel without being hounded by the "generalization/offensive police". If you have a point, give it to me, rather than say "don't speak for all" and chastise me over my writing, when you very well know by the use of *I*, *ME*, *MINE* preceeding the words "adoption experience"...that anyone SHOULD understand that the poster is speaking of themselves, and NOT for all. What's next...when you see road rage on the highway and your child asks you why it happened and you sigh and say "people seem to be getting crazier"...do you REALLY expect to be corrected by your child saying "don't speak for all people"...GEE WHIZ!

I can't for the life of me begin to understand why an aparent or non-aparent would share with their children that they went through fertility treatments. Just as I can't see people introducing their child conceived with ivf as 'oh, here is my ivf baby' - huh? Perhaps if they are adults and are trying to start their own families but otherwise what's the point? For me - all I wanted, wished for, dreamed of was to become a parent. I adoped DS once and he is my son. I do not introduce him as 'here is X, he is adopted', bottom line is he is my son and I am his mother. When he is older and if he wants to search for his birthparents I will be there to help him. I know everyone has their own opinion just as we all have our own experiences and no two will be alike. I have friends who were adopted and those were were not adopted who are enjoying wonderful lives with loving families and I have non-adopted friends who had miserable bio-parents.

One reason alone would be that if they had a biological daughter, she would need to know that her mother had difficulty conceiving her, in case she had problems when it was time for her to have a baby, too.

by the way--my aparents loved me as their own. It is me, myself who is grateful/blessed/happy to be loved and love them. My own feelings....and ya'll are right-those won't change. They are My feelings. I feel bad/sad for those who don't....I wish I could give you all a huge HUG...so I could share the love. (hope that made sense--and nothing bad intended at all)

Again, as a birthmom it is good to hear stories like yours. Personally the last thing I hoped for my son was that he would have a miserable childhood. I am happy that, although it was not a perfect life (it wouldn't have been with me either), D's "adoptive" family is his family. They share a deep bond that I have been privileged to see. I'm glad you shared your feeling with us.

RSSUMMIT - YOU ARE THE SWEETEST THING. :) You actually brought up some very good points...even if you didn't realize it. I am not sure that I am lucky or happy that I was adopted. Perhaps the alternative would have been worse. My aparents were not stellar, there was mental and physical abuse by the woman who wanted a child. She wanted her own flesh and blood and not someone else's baby. Of course she did not realize this until she brought me home. And I paid for that until I was old enough to get out. And while this may be an extremely touchy subject - it is a thought that has raced through my mind many times. If Roe v Wade was in effect in 67, would I be talking with all of you today? I dunno. And I wont know until I meet my b.mom. It is a scary thought to me and because of this question, I am an UNASHAMED pro - lifer. So...having said that, it is refreshing to me to see that you are happy and unaffected by this process. But I do understand what you were trying to say - and I thank you for bringing it up, as I am not sure if I have ever said this stuff with my outside voice. :thanks: