need help from adoptees...

I was never given anything from my first mother. But I don't think she left me anything. I haven't specifically asked my amom if she left me anything (she gets a little deffensive) and I haven't asked my first mom, since I haven't spoken to her yet, I think she is waiting for the shock to wear off that I found her 3 weeks ago. Anyways, I hope someone can answer your question better than I.Hugs,Sommer

Kerri, Yes, my parents told me I was adopted but, they started telling me probably from the time I was born so I don't remember ever NOT knowing. My adoption was closed and sealed so...my parents never received any information, letters, pics etc. from my bparents. Even though I never received any of that stuff...I was always courious about who my bparents were, who I might look like, what was the story that led to my birth etc. It wasn't something that was on my mind constantly...especially when I was in my teens and twenties....I was far to busy with school, work and social activities to think about it much then. I was relinquished in MI and searching there wasn't even an option until around 1994 or 95 when they instituted the C.I. program. But, even if it had been an option I wouldn't have known the first thing about how to start searching and I don't think I would have been ready at that time in my life. Everyone is different though. A book that comes to mind is Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self By David M. Brodzinsky This book takes you through the way a lot of adoptees think about their adoption and/or search through the decades of their life. You may find it helpful. Since you relinquished in NY you might want to check out this site about the Unsealed Initiative in NY. [url=http://www.unsealedinitiative.org/]New York Statewide Adoption's UNSEALED INITIATIVE[/url] Maybe getting involved with this would be therapeutic for you while you wait for you son to find you. It sounds like you've done all the right things that you can legally do to put your information out there for him to find. I wish you the very best of luck! :)

I was also adopted during the closed era, so nothing was given, or sent with me. It seems I have always known I was adopted, so I can't remember being told, or when. I do have a few memories of my brother being adopted, although I was pretty young and those may be more stories I've turned into memories. I will say my parents spoke nothing but praise for my birthparents and my brothers. I've always had a tremendous amount of respect for them as a result. They gave us as much information as was given them, and that helped answer the "why" questions.I hope you find your son! Please don't be discouraged if it isn't immediately. It seems 18 is a magic age for birthparents, while for most teens it means legal freedom. I don't think I ever gave a thought to finding my birthfamily at 18, although that's just my experience. It seems most at that age are trying to get rid of parents, not add some. I wouldn't take that as a rejection of you, but as his first taste of freedom. After typing all this, I hope he proves me wrong and contacts you right away!

I don't think there was ever a time that I didn't know that I was adopted either. I too was adopted via closed adoption, so nothing was sent with me or to me. I always thought to seek my bparents, but never have actually followed through with it, mainly because my first amother passed away when I was 13, so I never really had the chance to ask her much, and my afather discouraged me finding my bparents, he gets very offended whenever I ask about them. I did try a tracking agency who specialize in finding and reuniting adoptees with their bparents, but ran out of funding to complete the search, so that came to an abrupt halt. I'm now 32 years old. I'm serious about finding them now, so I am hoping that "maybe" I will be successful. It took me quite a while to decide to search for them, I think I was about 24 when I started to really get serious about finding my bparents, and then again now, 8 years later, I've put the steam behind the seriousness and am actually taking the steps, on my own terms, to find them, instead of relying on an agency. I hope this helps a little, and don't get discouraged, I can be pretty sure that every adopted child has a "need to know" who their bparents are, good luck!!!

I was told when I was young, but I didn't remember being told and a couple years ago I was looking through my files and I found out I had been adopted. As far as I know there were no letters or anything for me from my birth mother. I'm one of the lucky ones who find their birth parents or at least one of them last year on April 10th, 2007 I found my birth mother and found out I also have a half sister whose younger than me and an older half brother who was also adopted out. I've met my birth mother and half-sister, but I still seek my older half brother.

My parents told me that I'm adopted as soon as I was old enough to understand. I don't remember them telling me, just that I've basically always known. My adoption was closed, so as far as I know, the only thing my birth mother left for me or sent me was a small gold cross that my parents gave me around the age of 10. If there's anything else she sent, I don't know about it.

Hi Kerri, My adopted mother shared with me at 10 (after I questioned her about my adoption) did she share a letter that my birth mother gave to them.It was a thank you letter to my adopted parents for adopting me and it also stated she loved me.She also named me which my adopted parents honored. Ironically my name is Eileen Mary and my bm name was Mary Eileen. This letter was such a gift for me. It made her real, it gave me her name( which helped in my search) and it told me she loved me. I hope that you find your son. From experience, many boys do not find this important till they have their own children. I hope that he does want to find you. I never met my mother, she died before I met her. It will always sadden me that I did not meet her. I will tell you that I had a connection with her and knew when she was thinking of me. I can't explain it. You can email me if you want. I wish you well. Take care, Eileen

Kerri, As you know, each person's experience is different and no one really knows how it might be for your son. It must be really hard for "that" day to come up - it seems like such a magical day. But, particularly, for boys - as you have heard, they are thinking about freedom, college, friends, freedom, girls, freedom, ...... You get the drift. They very seldom even think about the parents they have to live with - much less an additional set. I have a boy, just a little older, and I've cut his phone off because he wouldn't call me back - and "I was sure he had lost it". And we have a normal relationship. I hope that all your dreams and expectations for him are true. And I wish you peace.

Did your parents tell you that you were adopted and when??? I have known that i was adopted all my life. My parents never hid the fact. My Amom was unable to have children so both myself and my two asibs are all adopted at different times from different families! If your birthmother or birthparents had sent a letter with pictures to be opened when you were old enough..(I'm guessing 18 ..i don't know)

Did they give it to you? I found out when i was 18 that my Bmom and her fam had been sending letters and pictures every christmas. My mom had opened and read all of them and sent a christmas card back every year. She kept everything they sent in a folder until i asked for it. Of those that did- did they keep gifts and letters from your bio parents and share those with you as well??? They kept everything for me. Also, my bfam kept everything my afam sent to them. and when i finally got to meet all of them they had a scrap book for me of all the things my amom had sent them! it was even more meaningful to me because my adad (my hero) had passed away after a car accident when i was 15, the pictures they had of me and him now mean the world to me! I am a birthmom to a now 18 year old son,(7/5/1990) and the fact that he's 18 now both elates and terrifies me.

The biggest obstacle I'm running into are the nagging doubts that they ever gave him the letter, pics, and gifts I've sent... My Bfamily did something wonderful that i thank them for, they waited until i was almost 20! I know that seems crazy and hard but it meant the world to me. At 18 so many things are changing, your going to college moving out and dealing with being on your own feet for the first time. By the time i was almost 20 I was stable again, on my feet, and doing really well. so what is everyone's experiences with this...

maybe hearing some of your stories can help me get these nagging doubts gone, and give me peace of mind until they day comes(if it does) that he wants to find me. I've registered everywhere I possibly can, so as to make it easy for him if/when he ever decides to...... I hope that what i have told you helps...I am a 20 year old Adoptee that has met my bfamily and is in a really good place with it all. If you have any more questions feel free to ask. I hope this helped!

I was told about it when I was around 12 from my counselor.... bits and pieces still come out and I am 23 now. I was never given anything until i pursued contacting the lawyer myself. There were letters for me but my parents claim they never had them... there was a letter for them too, which they also say they never got! I don't think my parents would have given it to me if they had the chance... Stay registered, and try to find the family if you can. I wasn't ready to search until 23. I still don't know who I am as a person, but to have found my mother at 18 while I really did not know would have been really hard for me if I didn't like what I found.... like if I had found a drug addict, it would have been very hard for me since I suffered from severe drug abuse during my teens. I would have never thought I could get over it, if I saw it was in my genes. Or mental illness too.... a lot of bmoms of my friends suffer from one or the other. That's hard to find out when you are establishing yourself....

I found out i was adopted at 12 years of age, i had to have a copy of my birth certificate to enter an exam at school. My adoptive mother had died when i was 9 and my adoptive father was at work, i searched where i thought it would be and found a "short form" certificate but also a large brown envelope containing a certificate which said "Certified copy of an entry in the adopted children register",folded up inside that was a form which gave my Mothers name and an address. I put the envelope away and never told anyone i had found it . It totally destroyed my identity and took me many years to come to terms with, My adoptive father died not knowing that i had found the papers. 27 years later i started searching and i am not finished yet, i have found my mother and two sisters in the US but i am stuck in the UK although my father was a GI, ironic as i am the only one with any American connections. Look out you PA GIs i'm on the trail:boot: :boot: Seriously i have no axe to grind but would love to know more and will never give up looking .

I always knew I was adopted, and always felt I wanted to know who my parents were and what the story was behind my conception, birth and relinquishment. Though I had a wonderful set of parents, they knew very little. At 14 I decided I would search at 16 when I could drive; at 16 I decided to wait until I was 18, at 18 decided to wait until 21, then kept finding excuses to put it off. Largely it was fear of causing emotional pain to my adoptive parents - it was not something they were comfortable discussing. I think this has to do with their fertility issues. Most men do not search; I kept hoping I would hear from my birth parents, fantasizing about them. Only when I was in my mid-30s did I muster the courage to try to search, only to find out about how difficult Missouri laws were. Catholic Charities and the court system both made me feel like a criminal for wanting to know, like I was breaking some taboo by searching. It has only been the last year or two (over 20 years later) that I have succeeded in finding both my birth parents still living. Neither one wants contact; I suppose they don't want to revisit that period, or disturb the lives they have made by acknowledging the truth. Should you contact your son? My opinion is yes, you should. My suggestion is to have a confidential intermediary contact his adoptive parents first. To me, the ideal situation would be for your son to hear about you through those he has known as his parents all his life; if they had a good, honest relationship they will know how important this is to his wellbeing, and he will know they are on his side as he integrates this into his self-image. We adoptees often struggle with trying to not offend anyone; we are people-pleasers by nature, out of fear of rejection and abandonment. Having to worry whether coming to know our origins is hard enough when we don't know if it will jeapordise the only parents we know. If they never told him about his adoption or are fearful of their status as adoptive parents, they need serious therapy for their denial and what that has done and will do to the emotional health of the child they agreed to parent. You cannot keep secrets within a family; if they denied his status, he only knows something is wrong and we often blame ourselves for what we are not explicitly told. I also suggest you find a support group such as Concerned United Birthparents or Triad; it is a great help to have companions who have been there just as you have.

My daughters do not post here, so I will answer your questions:1. They were adopted as toddlers. They always knew they were adopted and where they came from2. We had nothing from the parents except their names on the original birth certificates.3. I kept all the paperwork (Spanish and English), SW's report to the court, etc. in a safe deposit box.4. My oldest daughter was given her information and the original paperwork when she was 25, married, pregnant, and asked for it.5. My youngest daughter was given most of her information verbally when she was 23. I have not yet given her the papers (she has not asked for them). There is one piece of information I would not have wanted her to have when she was a teenager. She would have used it as an excuse for her (mis-)behavior. She is older and more mature now, and I think she could handle it. But she has not expressed any interest in having any more information on her background.Different parents handle things different ways, but it is possible that your son's adoptive parents may be holding off on providing info until he is older.