HOw do you feel about international adoption? (Sorry this is LONG)

It’s important to consider a few things when posing this question: The birth mothers on this forum are fairly versed in adoption – we’ve been involved, post placement, in the community for a long time. The mothers viewing your profile are likely totally uneducated about adoption, they are unfamiliar with the concept and they likely have very limited practical knowledge of adoption as a whole – and that information that they do have, they learned from the glorified news coverage about adoption and/or Lifetime Television for Women. If you feel that your profile may be being overlooked because you adopted your first son internationally, then address it head on. Now, to answer your question… When I first became active in the community – I didn’t think that adoptive parents adopted internationally to avoid OA – I thought they did it to avoid any possible chance, regardless of how small, of any contact, interaction or involvement with birth parents – period. They wanted to be ‘mommy’ and they didn’t want to take any chance, what so ever, of ever having that role called into question (Even tho, in domestic adoption, that generally doesn’t happen – and it’s a ‘stereotype’ thing). It’s easier to share your child with some abstract being who will never show up on your doorstep, than it is to actually have a ‘face’ that goes with it. Again, this is how I felt. This is not how I feel currently, after having educated myself. I am not naive enough to think that the above ‘reason’ never happens – I know there are really people who adopt internationally for the above reason…but like everything else in adoption, I have realized that nothing is one size fits all. I encourage you to explore your reason for adopting from Russia very closely, then share a glimpse of that in your introductory profile letter. Even if it makes you look silly. A number of the IA parents in a support group I belong to here locally admit that they were completely uneducated about the realities of domestic adoption when they decided to adopt internationally…they stated that the bulk of the knowledge they had came from 3rd-4th hand stories and/or TV. I would imagine the unknown is scary. There is nothing wrong with admitting that – and the mother you eventually match with will likely appreciate your candor.

What about NOT mentioning that your son came from Russia in the profile -- just "our adopted son" and then, when you are matched, you can talk to the potential birthmother in person and explain the whole situation? It is much easier to answer someone's questions that it is to anticipate what they are thinking and answer everything.Please note - I am not saying lie about it. Just wait, and give the information on a f2f basis.

Thank you Brandy and MamaS. Both good info for me to consider. For me choosing Russia was mostly about the agency and the people who worked there, and secondly because I really believed it would be easier, with a shorter wait. (funny now that I know what I had to go through to bring him home) I am working on adding a paragraph or two to my already long letter in my profile. I would rather have that information in the letter, that way she will already know about it and would obviously not consider it an issue than to save it for when we meet or speak to the child's mother for the first time. I just don't know for sure that it is an issue at all but I guess it can't hurt to have more information in the letter.

You can always say in the expectant mother letter what you said right here - that you adopted from Russia, but decided on a domestic adoption because you now see the benefits of an open adoption... Good luck to you!

When I was placing, I didn't know enough about international and domestic adoption differences, other than the location(s), to consider it to be an issue.

My daughter's birth parents were only shown three profiles (I guess DD only "met" the criteria for us three couples). One couple had a child adopted internationally (I'm not sure which country) and DD"s birth mom told me that they were just not "considered." Now I didn't press her whether it was because they already had a kid or whether there was any aspect to the "international" thing about it. Of course, that's one opinion....but I do think maybe you should explain why you are thinking about doing domestic adoption now. GOOD LUCK!!!

My DD's parents adopted internationally before they adopted DD. Wasn't a consideration in the least. I was actually thrilled that she would have sibs, how they were adopted made no difference. However, when it came time for the post adoption contact and the OA part, I do remember being acutely aware that the chances of my DD's sibs finding or having contact with their birthparents, and wondered how that would play out (ex: DD feeling bad that she had contact and they didn't) Somthing to keep in mind :)

Thank you for reminding me about that browneyes! We thought long and hard about that when deciding to adopt again, how to do what is best for both children. We thought about seeking a closed or a semi open adoption for that reason, but we want to do what is best for our future younger child as well as what is best for our son. I should probably address that in the letter too-although the agency is going to be mad at me they want me to keep the letter to only 2 pages. As you can tell by my posts, I tend to be wordy!:) I have thought about that, how it is next to impossible to locate our son's mother and all I can tell him is what little I have. I know he may struggle with that as his sibling gets older. I feel that we can deal with it without compromising our agreement with the mother of our future second child. It may or may not be an issue, but we are as prepared as we can be to answer those questions as they come. For all I know, it may be the second child who has trouble with the difference because he/she will want to be just like the big brother!