What does it take to make an OA successful?

Love this topic because ours was a hot mess a year ago...so this is what we've all done to make it a success... Commitment - both families are committed to working on our relationship in order to create the healthiest environment for AJ and JD...this isn't a part time thing for us - this is a lifetime realtionship. Communication - if there is a problem, we need to discuss it instead of letting it fester, which is what we all were doing...it is not always easy to communicate, but we all seem to feel better after we work through our issues. Respect - we need to share mutual respect between the families...we try to leave lifestyle judgements out of the equation - I may not like some of the things that they are doing in their life, but I can guarantee that they don't like some of the things that we do either - it's about accepting each other - faults and all...we are all important in this relationship - no one more so than the other Trust - this is the hardest I think in an OA (at least for us...) we need to trust each other, that we will all do what's best for the boys, and that we will adhere to the respect and commitment that makes our relationship work. **I know this all seems like issues between families and not necessarily the children, but in order for us to create the healthiest situation for our boys, we need to work on our own relationship as well. I was taking the kiddies to the park just this morning and we were talking about their first moms because we get to see JD's this weekend...and AJ says "You know, mom, it's awesome to have lots of moms and dads that love each other and are nice to each other. Roman's mom and dad don't even like each other and say mean things about each other. I'm so glad we're not that way". We must be doing something right...

[FONT="Century Gothic"]Commitment: to be there and help make this a successful relationship for the sake of the child.

Communication: don't leave it all up to one person to keep this going. It is hard work. It is dang hard when I person has to continue to do the work and hears nothing from another side.

Honesty: if you wish to change how things are going then be honest and open about it.

Respect: decisions that are made. One may not agree with them but we don't agree with everyone 100% of the time.

Some kind of playing field. I have heard people say that while I was pregnant I held all of the cards. When in fact I didn't. Now I hear that they hold all of the cards and they do. There just has to be some sort of balance between the whole thing.[/FONT]

I can't seem to add anything new to what the previous posters have listed.

Setting clear boundaries and discussing the expectations of all parties.When our kids were infants, OA was pretty easy and nice. We all oohed and awwed over them. But as the kids grew,they began to be put in the middle of their 2 families, little by little. Here is an example;Our oldest [ who is now 20] used to get sweet phone calls from his bgrandmother. At first she would just have nice conversations with him, and maybe call to say goodnight. But as he got older, she would invite him to Magic Mountain, or Disneyland, without discussing it with us first. And she could not understand why that bothered us so much. So I think the hardest thing over the years, was to all be on the same page , in terms of expectations, and boundaries, in regards to the children.

Absolutely, 100%, yes.