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:flower: Hello, I am a newby here, & I have a question for everyone.
I found my 2 B'sisters who I did not know they existed about 2 1/2 years ago. I was saddened to learn my B'mom passed away years ago, so I never did get to meet her. We did visit her grave site this spring. Very touching time. Would of liked to have met her, I know she would of loved my parents & they would of loved her & my 2 sisters.
The reunion went very well, the first year & half we sent emails every week, got together once a month, it was great. Seemed like the families all got along. There was a wedding, graduation,cousin get together & a da time, my B'mom's sister passed away.
Then the older one of the 2 sisters started to cool off some. We did have different childhoods. When we would get together she would say I was the lucky one. They would talk about my birth name that I was given & did not know why my parents would change the name.
On one conversation I had with my sister (older of the 2) she did say she had told her friend she wondered if I was a JINX, she had been having trouble with their car(which is an older one) husband has been in the hospital quite a bit (has been sickly for about 6 years-before we met). I really couldn't believe she would say such a thing, so I did ask her to repeat what she said, thought maybe I did not hear right-no mistake.
I would send emails to her talking about casual things, family, work, etc just like I did with the other sister. It got so she would not answer my emails but would always answer my husbands. I was a little sneaky once & did send an email to her signing my husbands name, she sent a email right back to him. Next day I sent one with my name on & no response from her. Next day my husband sent a txt from his phone & he barely got it sent & she answered him back.
The younger sister is happily married,we get along fantastic with her family, the other one seems to have a touch of the "green eyed monster" ??
My question is, do I have a right to be upset about this?
This is all new to me!
Hope to hear from someone soon with some advice.
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She did say she had told her friend she wondered if I was a JINX, she had been having trouble with their car(which is an older one) husband has been in the hospital quite a bit (has been sickly for about 6 years-before we met). I really couldn't believe she would say such a thing, so I did ask her to repeat what she said, thought maybe I did not hear right-no mistake.
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After she said that remark 2 times I just was floored, never been called that before. When we first met I thought she was the sensible one, more quiet than the other. I really do not think the girls get together very often, it sounded like before we met they would get together on holidays & maybe every so often, but not on a regular basis.
I just can't figure it, maybe she is jealous my husband & I are so close, besides my upbringing was different than theirs. Who knows!!. One thing maybe she feels closer to my husband because she was the first one he contacted about me being her sister- he went on the internet, put my info on a search site & within a couple of days found the girls. Kept calling their numbers till someone answered.
Sometimes siblings just don't get along, adopted or not. I agree with Justpeachy, try and clear the air if she doesn't change she may not be worth the time. Don't mean to try and start anything, but maybe she is trying to drive a wedge between you and your husband?? I would not try to hard if she keeps acting like she is presently.. JMO though
Hi Milli, I also think it is a bit strange that she e-mails your husband separately. I would think she would just e-mail you together. I guess I would feel a bit curious as to why any of my sisters would start writing to my husband personally.... excluding me.it would just be weird, I mean they have called here and asked to speak to him to ask his advice about different things...but if they had an ongoing personal correspondance going that did not include me ...I would think that would feel strange, as I would never do that with any of their husbands. Is she single? how is she with him in person? have you noticed anything unusual in her behavior when she is around him?
maybe in the future you can write your e-mails to her together and always get in the habit of signing both your names as a couple like you would in a Christmas or birthday card. (to kind of set some boundries in a way) what does your husband think about why she is just responding to him now. does he think its odd?
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I want to thank you all for responding to my question. You are really helping me!!!
This has just been going on for the last 3-4 months.
We usually do write both our names when we have emailed in the past. Didn't think anything of it when my husband was sending emails to both girls. Like I said the younger one is happily married, you can see it when they both look at each other. They both glow, do everything together, so much in love &
are very close to their children.
The older one is married also & has a child. But they just do not seem as happy. Like I said before, he has many health issues for about 5 years.
When my husband was emailing the girls he just wanted to get to know them better, he was so happy for me that he found them. I will always be thankful to him for finding out my past & my new relatives.
We have been married over 38 years, have kids & grandkids & over that length of time we are very close. He did tell me he is going to quit the emailing to her.
I really do not want to make "waves" between the girls being I am the "new kid",
The younger one does not know what has been going on between us. I do know what would happen if she knew, we are so much alike! :)
I just think a lot of it is jealousy, being she is the one that kept saying I am the lucky one. One thing both girls have said, that their father, (not mine) was verbally abusive while they were growing up, drinking was a big problem. Complete opposite of my childhood.
I think it's good that your husband is going to quit emailing her. It just seemed like a weird boundary issue, with the older sister privately corresponding with your husband and leaving you out.
It sounds like you have a lot more in common with the younger sister. Maybe as you get to know her better, the issues with the older one will come to light.
Right now, it's just hard to say what's going on with the older one. From what you say, she's not really close with the younger one. Maybe because she treats her similarly to the way she has been treating you.
You can only reach out so much before you just have to let it go. If older sis does not want to communicate, or is backing off and maybe just needs her own time and space (she is dealing with the sick husband, too), I would allow her to have it, and when she is ready to come around, she will.
I know I messed up my second and third born..
I kept my bson a secret till they were early teens.. and my daughter would have dreams about me leaving her before I told her I had relinquished my first born..
Maybe this woman is messed up on terms of you.. and what you represent and has not sorted it yet..
I would cut her some slack and chalk it up to dysfunction in that family..
Jackie