Adoption and Genealogy

I resented not having my own family history and genealogy. I hated the family tree projects in school. I finally found my bfam four years ago and finally have a history.

I am LDS, and in the LDS religion family history is strongly emphasized. I was not heavily into it initially, because the research had been done about as far back as possible on both sides of my (adoptive) parents family. However, when I received information on my biological mother one of the first things I became interested in (even more so than my birthmother, I think because the thought of living relations was intimidating at first!) was the possibility of doing family history on her family. I learned they grew up in an orphanage, and actually made a trip to New York to see the facility & dig through boxes of records trying to find any information I could get. I didn't get far, but I treasure the information I have. When I found my biological father's siblings they had a lot of family history which they shared with me. Personally, I feel that your children are a part of your family, and their heritage from your family is an important part of their life. Ignoring your heritage because you are afraid of hurting them is not going to make them feel any more a member of your family. However, I would also include any and all information you have on your children's biological family heritage, since this is also a vital part of their history (and, by default, yours). Even if you do not have much information, you can acknowledge the presence of other relatives. The one thing that did bother me was family tree assignments in school! Also, the lovely genetics assignments in science. Once I had the information one of the experiences I had with my group of teen adoptees was creating a family tree that included all branches of my family tree. That was the first time I really felt my entire background was respected and accepted.

It never bothered me about the family trees in school ... my afamily was my family. And the stories and values that came down were also mine. So it may just depend on your child as to whether it bothers them or not. My bdad really researched his family back as far as he could on both sides (1700's) so he is very interested in it and this was one of the first things he shared with me. The interesting thing is that his family tree on both sides "start" with unwed mothers and at the end is me.

My BA is in history and so I've always been interested in family stories. My adoptive family is my family, no questions asked, I'm included in the family tree, I think it may mention I'm adopted and the day my folks brought me home, but nothing more. I'm cool with that, I'm not ashamed of being adopted, and I'm lucky that my family is fiercely protective of me and very much in the I am THEIR family and they don't want to share, lol. THe only thing that bothers me that my aunt and mom can trace their lineage back to a Rev War participant, but guess what? I can't be a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution because I'm adopted. No actual "blood" relation, freaking silly if you ask me, but eh, they are the ones that are missing out!

The family tree projects never bothered me either. I have no interest in geneology. Strangely enough, I consider everyone I met in my family - "my family". Those who had passed already, don't register as family with me. (I can't think of a way to say that kindly) I guess I've limited my family tree to people I know, or have known.I hope your kids are thrilled with your project, and that it gives them some sense of your (and their) family history.

THe only thing that bothers me that my aunt and mom can trace their lineage back to a Rev War participant, but guess what? I can't be a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution because I'm adopted. No actual "blood" relation, freaking silly if you ask me, but eh, they are the ones that are missing out! Belle, That is freaking silly. I found out that bmom can trace her lineage back to Mayflower. Based on your experience, does that mean that my "blood" wins out and that I qualify? Wouldn't that be freaking silly too. The whole thing is nuts. In this day of homeland security, the fact that we are all walking around and living on fake id's based on government made up birth certificates is also kind of freaking silly too.

The family tree thing didn't bother me either. My adoptive family was "my" family. I knew that adoption made something about me different, but my Aparents always made sure I knew there was nothing wrong with being adopted. They made sure I understood that I was their daughter, no matter what anyone said or did. It was just the way things were: no big deal. I love researching, but in my adoptive family a lot of that was already done by older family members. Mostly just dates and such, but it was the stories I always loved to hear. I loved listening to my Aparents and their sibs tell stories and talk about way back when. I think those stories are what planted the seed for when I found my bio family. When I reunited with my birth family I became fascinated with the geneology and did a lot of research. Again, I wanted more than just dates. It was amazing what I found. I talked to numerous extended family members to get all the stories I could. I also talked to distant cousins that I met through geneology sites and such. My maternal bio family has a very rich history, as they were among the first German settlers to the hill country of Texas. Fortunately, the history of those settlers is well documented, but hearing those elderly cousins, and listening to a great, great uncle, during a very fascinating short visit, which turned into an entire day visit, tell their stories, share memories, and talk about all the things they had seen and done was incredible. It's something I charish, and apparently, something my bsibs and bcousinsn take for granted. One of the most fun interviews I did was with one of my Bgrandmothers cousins. This elderly lady, who was a bit of a gossip, and, apparently, had no idea I had been relinquished at birth, said to me in one of those self-righteous, gossipy, elderly lady tones, "You know, (long pause) there have been several illegitimate children in the family." Shame on me, but I couldn't resist replying with a very curious and interested, "Really?" Bless her heart, she took the bait hook, line, and sinker, and with they typical enthusiasm of people who love to gossip said, "Oh yes. I know there were several." I couldn't help but smile, when I asked with genuine curiosity, "Do you know who they are and what happened to them?" I was surprised when she replied, slightly deflated, "No, I never really heard who they were or what happened to them." I never told her that I was one of those "illegitimate" children. I always wondered what she would have done had I told her, but I still smile when I remember that conversation. People will be people. As an adoptee the geneology of both adoptive and biological were important to me. They are both part of who I am. Keep researching your geneology. Include your adopted children. Your family is part of who they will become. My Aparents always seemed to understand that me and my adopted brother would be curious about our biological families. They always said they would help us find the answers to our questions when we were ready. Again, my Aparents are the reason I always understood what it meant to be adopted and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being a part of two seperate families, one adoptive and one biologic. It was just part of who I was.

I recently found one of those connections and looked into joining SAR, but then found that "blood" think. It really pissed me off that they wouldn't let my son join, so I gave it up.

I think I know what you mean. We all connect with what we need. Strangely enough, after having adopted my children from Russia, I feel a bit Russian now even though that isn't part of my family history that I know of. Part of that could be that we've incorporated some Russian holiday traditions and my son and I are going to start learning Russian together this year. But I think I need to feel more of a connection with them, like my in-laws in a way.

I used to be outraged, but that takes too much energy. Now when I meet a DAR member I mention my lineage, they encourage me to apply, and I say, oh, I can't, I'm adopted, no blood line. I LOVE the look I get, hehe.

I was truly interested in my dad's family history, mainly from the recounting of his family stories. I reseached and expanded on his/my family. Since then I have found part of my birth family and am doing my birth family history as well, and that has truly given me an understanding of who I am as well. But I am still just as interested in my dad's history, and actively research it because he raised me and part of who I am is because of how I was raised. I have yet to do my mom's side but will get to it soon and expect to feel the same comfort and enjoyment from it. Your children are your children because you are raising them in your family, just like your past is what made you who you are. We really are a combination of both our adoptive and birth families and to me they are equal and totally different at the same time. One does not happen without the other. Go for it and don't just include facts, include professions, places, reasons for immigration, how life was at the time. Create a real story and it will be interesting and comforting to your children. Take care,Dickons

I did not know about the bloodline thing - my husband's mother can actually trace her family back to the Mayflower!!! I'm upset (thinking a different word actually) - what happened to the "as if born to" that is present in all legalese when you are adopting..... but then, my sons' who I brought home from the hospital as infants can't be president either.......