I'm sure...i think, but he's not

No you do NOT have to come to some sort of decision now! :-) So breathe. How old are your girls? I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old, I know I would freak out if I got pregnant again right now! I feel like I'm FINALLY getting my life together. It's scary. You can make an adoption plan the day you give birth, weeks, months afterwards. So there is no rush with that. I also have a 23 year old son who I placed, and have been in reunion with for over a year now. OK! You say that it seems like finances are the main reason why you are considering relinquishing? Think about this...adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Just something that's often said here. So think here, what is the root of your financial problems with a third child right now? If you breastfeed, you don't have formula costs. Diapers are expensive, that's for sure. Maybe you could get some help from the relatives which seem to want you to keep this baby? Can you even get someone to take your girls some days in the week so you have time to breathe??? I know that's helped me A LOT! Remember too, you are in hormone hell! Everytime I've been pregnant I've freaked out about if I can handle it or not. You know what, you do. You do, because you have to. Please remember there are a lot of emotional and mental consequences to relinquishing a child. It is not an easy solution at all. Give yourself TIME. Please! If you do decide to relinquish in the end, this is a great place for support and advice on how to deal with it. HANG IN THERE!

thank you! my girls are almost-4 and 2 1/2. For him, i guess, finances were a main part, but they weren't for me, i guess that's why I'm so confused. i'm one of those people who have to have plans and know what's going to happen in case "x" happens, and so the uncertainty of it is driving me crazy. At least I have something to talk about at my counselor's meeting today! :arrow:

First of all, let me tell you a few hopeful things about finances and small babies. Breastfeeding is free. Also, cloth diapering is cheaper than using disposables. Just keep those two things in mind. :)As for the Father... I'd listen to him right now. If there's any way that a new baby CAN work for your family, go with it. You do not have to have their college fund filled on the day that they are born. You simply have to say, "Hello," and move forward together.I wish you peace as you continue making these difficult decisions.

I am another one who has to have a detail plan for everything. I have discovered that life is what happens while I am busy making my plans, lol. We have three little girls (27 months from start to finish) and only one was planned. When I found out I was pregnant when our second dd was just three weeks old (we adopted our first two) I absolutely flipped out. I stressed out over finances, my sanity, finding time for all three, having three in diapers, two in formula, would my first two dd's not feel like they were good enough, etc, etc, etc. There was nothing about it that I was comfortable with or excited about. But you know what? It has all worked out. They are now 3, 19 months, and 10 months and are the absolute best of friends. Yes I am busy, no we don't have a lot of extra money, but boy am I happy. (((hugs))) to you while you are rethinking your decision.

Please please please, finances or lack of finances are temporary situations. There are programs like WiC and foodtamps available and others have mentioned alternatives to provide for baby. First and foremost is love which is priceless. Baby needs your love and whether hand me downs. breast fed or formula fed does not matter to him /her. One you sign those papers and TPR there is no turning back. People get raises and job promotions and circumstances change, but your baby will forever be your baby. Please do not make any rushed decisions based on when your baby is to to be born. I am a grateful adoptee that is not anti adoption by no means, but whenever I read a post like this, I believe that the mother is meant to keep the baby because that small voice inside of her is telling her to keep him. Sometimes that small voice can be drowned out by louder voices tah would like you to give your baby up be it through an agency or people telling you that you are not capable of parenting or guilt because the baby was promised to PAPs or a variety of other reasos. Well I am here telling you to please listen to that small whisper speaking on behalf of your sweet baby. You CAN parent, it is not impossible. You do not owe anyone YOUR baby. Finances will always work themselves out. I pray that you are able to make the best possible decision and are at peace with it. EZ

Thanks so much for all the replies. The financial aspect was more worrying the dad than me, but even at that, he's still having doubts, and that tells me a lot. I never thought i'd hear him say that he thought maybe there was a way to make it work. the main thing for me is I'm just not sure if I can handle it mentally and emotionally. I know financial situations change, mine sure has, and have had to utilize wic, food stamps, child care assistance (which we'll definitely need this time!!), and even public housing for a short while. I guess what's frustrating is knowing i'll obviously never be able to make up my mind definitely about anything, because i was so sure in my decision to place until he said something, and then my own doubts (that i didn't realize i had) started creeping in. I had another meeting with my case worker from the agency, and she full on supported me in making sure i was going to do what i wanted and what i thought it was best, be it parent or place, and i thought that was cool. She even offered to set up some budget classes with us since she knows that's a big issue for him, and relational counseling for us since our relationship has been a bit rocky in the past, and we'll need to make sure we're both on the up and up while we make our decisions. But thank you so much for all of your replies. And if anyone knows where i can get a free minivan?.....i hate minivans....... :arrow: :thanks:

Sorry you are going through this. In addition to being here because I had a placed child, I also have 3 children I am raising, so I can relate to your current situation. I never did not think about raising my last child, but it was a stressor finding out I was pregnant when I was. My other 2 were 8 and 5, and then boom - we were back into the baby stuff again. My husband had just turned 40, and was a bit of a jerk when she was born. Now 2 years later, things are smooth sailing, and I cannot imagine our life or family without her. I would hope you can find the resources necessary to help keep your family together. I will be honest, even though it was not my intention to place my first born (I was young and my parents were VERY instrumental in that action), I never imagined what it would be like for me for my entire lifetime. In my opinion, I could never place once I was raising children. I never imagined the impact of my children losing a sibling. It was always about me. Now it is also about them. Just wanted to pass along my experience from the other end of adoption - the hoping to reunite, having an adult adopted child end. I always thought it was about growing up and whatever and I would be reunited when he was 18. I lived for that day. That is SO NOT the case. Good luck to you!!!!

You have gotten some great advice. As a moderator here I want you to know that adoption.com is not a matching site, so if someone contacts you telling you they can help you by adopting your baby that is not allowed and they could risk a ban from our site. If someone does contact you please pm either myself or one of the other moderators.