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[FONT=Times New Roman]First a little about me: I am an adoptee. I reunited with my birthfamily (pretty much unsuccessfully) about 2 years ago. My bmom was full of lies and was very vindictive towards me and believed I was in a conspiracy against her. My sibling was a junkie and I tried to help her get into rehab- where she stayed all of 3 days and then went on a crack binge. She called me in the midst of it to blame all of the wrongs in her life on me- she didn't even know I existed until she was 14 and we only met when she was 25! I haven't talked to either of them since.My father also had a drug problem and recently relapsed, I had a few good conversations with him, he even fixed my car and gave me probably $300- which I refused. It was a gesture on his part at an attempt at bonding. He apologized to me and told me how much he wished he could have kept me (he contested the adoption). Then he relapsed and tried to use me to gain custody of a half brother I have yet to meet who is only 4 years old.Shortly after that I bore witness to his infamous temper and violent streak, and I haven't had the where-with-all to keep that relationship going since then. It was just too much to deal with, and at times some of the most hurtful experience I've encountered... considering I thought my "primal wound" was the most agonizing thing I would bear. Going into my reunion I was on forums like this, and I talked to hundreds of people birthparents, adoptees, adoptive parents, about their experiences in adoption. I attended various in person support groups and spoke at conferences to help others in the search process. My biggest concern in my search was making it as comfortable for my birthmother during the first stages of contact as possible. No pressure, no expectations, no hard questions. Basically I decided to put every emotion, every need to have my questions answered on the backburner for the good of her emotional well-being. That is probably why my reunion seemed especially painful, considering not only did she not care about me, but she certainly did not care about my empathy for her in the process. Well, I know that my birthmom was an atypical one. I have spoken to and gotten to know many many mother's who had as many variations in their adoption experiences. From those who simply couldn't afford to raise their children, to those who wanted them to have better, to those who were young and confused, to those that didn't have a choice at the time (50's 60's 70's era), because polite society couldn't tolerate an unwed mother.I have talked to those who have been lied to, coerced into surrender, and to those who literally had their child ripped from their arms by a doctor or social worker with a god-complex and a social agenda in mind.Now as adoption is still ever focused on the adoptee, I would like to shift the focus to the experience of birthmothers. Especially those who were involved in unwed mother's homes in the 50's and 60's. Despite the lack of a fairytale in my reunion, I have benefited greatly from it. I have finally found myself and been able to move on. Now I'm beginning the end of my sophomore year as a photography major and doing well. As part of my big project for my advanced photo class I would like to do a photographic tribute to those mothers who gave birth and surrendered their child during the era of the unwed mothers homes.I will be doing research on it. But I would like to hear from the women themselves, their raw experiences told from the perspective of the young women they were then. If you are interested, please pm me.My plan is to collect 10 or so letters of experiences, and then using a handwriting font, to make the letters mothers send me look hand written. I'll convert these into transparencies that I can process and merge with the photographs into a photographic collage in the darkroom.All indentifying info will be withheld, unless I'm SPECIFICALLY asked to include it. I need all the letters by September 1st at the latest. I will know if the project will work by September 15 at the latest. If it is quite successful I may need to obtain releases (if participants are willing), because sometimes I give my work to local galleries, sometimes to charities that auction the work to help local women's shelters.SO if you are interested, I only need a letter told from your perspective at that age. I will not be photographing you or people in this project. I will not include indentifying info unless specifically asked to (even then it would only be the signature line of the "letter"). I would really appreciate help in this project. I have heard from so many birthmothers over the years who have never been given a voice or tribute for their experiences. I also think I have a need to celebrate the moms out there that aren't like mine .[/FONT]
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[FONT=Times New Roman]First a little about me: I am an adoptee. I reunited with my birthfamily (pretty much unsuccessfully) about 2 years ago. My bmom was full of lies and was very vindictive towards me and believed I was in a conspiracy against her. My sibling was a junkie and I tried to help her get into rehab- where she stayed all of 3 days and then went on a crack binge. She called me in the midst of it to blame all of the wrongs in her life on me- she didn't even know I existed until she was 14 and we only met when she was 25! I haven't talked to either of them since.My father also had a drug problem and recently relapsed, I had a few good conversations with him, he even fixed my car and gave me probably $300- which I refused. It was a gesture on his part at an attempt at bonding. He apologized to me and told me how much he wished he could have kept me (he contested the adoption). Then he relapsed and tried to use me to gain custody of a half brother I have yet to meet who is only 4 years old.Shortly after that I bore witness to his infamous temper and violent streak, and I haven't had the where-with-all to keep that relationship going since then. It was just too much to deal with, and at times some of the most hurtful experience I've encountered... considering I thought my "primal wound" was the most agonizing thing I would bear. Going into my reunion I was on forums like this, and I talked to hundreds of people birthparents, adoptees, adoptive parents, about their experiences in adoption. I attended various in person support groups and spoke at conferences to help others in the search process. My biggest concern in my search was making it as comfortable for my birthmother during the first stages of contact as possible. No pressure, no expectations, no hard questions. Basically I decided to put every emotion, every need to have my questions answered on the backburner for the good of her emotional well-being. That is probably why my reunion seemed especially painful, considering not only did she not care about me, but she certainly did not care about my empathy for her in the process. Well, I know that my birthmom was an atypical one. I have spoken to and gotten to know many many mother's who had as many variations in their adoption experiences. From those who simply couldn't afford to raise their children, to those who wanted them to have better, to those who were young and confused, to those that didn't have a choice at the time (50's 60's 70's era), because polite society couldn't tolerate an unwed mother.I have talked to those who have been lied to, coerced into surrender, and to those who literally had their child ripped from their arms by a doctor or social worker with a god-complex and a social agenda in mind.Now as adoption is still ever focused on the adoptee, I would like to shift the focus to the experience of birthmothers. Especially those who were involved in unwed mother's homes in the 50's and 60's. Despite the lack of a fairytale in my reunion, I have benefited greatly from it. I have finally found myself and been able to move on. Now I'm beginning the end of my sophomore year as a photography major and doing well. As part of my big project for my advanced photo class I would like to do a photographic tribute to those mothers who gave birth and surrendered their child during the era of the unwed mothers homes.I will be doing research on it. But I would like to hear from the women themselves, their raw experiences told from the perspective of the young women they were then. If you are interested, please pm me.My plan is to collect 10 or so letters of experiences, and then using a handwriting font, to make the letters mothers send me look hand written. I'll convert these into transparencies that I can process and merge with the photographs into a photographic collage in the darkroom.All indentifying info will be withheld, unless I'm SPECIFICALLY asked to include it. I need all the letters by September 1st at the latest. I will know if the project will work by September 15 at the latest. If it is quite successful I may need to obtain releases (if participants are willing), because sometimes I give my work to local galleries, sometimes to charities that auction the work to help local women's shelters.SO if you are interested, I only need a letter told from your perspective at that age. I will not be photographing you or people in this project. I will not include indentifying info unless specifically asked to (even then it would only be the signature line of the "letter"). I would really appreciate help in this project. I have heard from so many birthmothers over the years who have never been given a voice or tribute for their experiences. I also think I have a need to celebrate the moms out there that aren't like mine .[/FONT]
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