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Sorry dont' know if right place to post. Hi, I'm an Aparent with a just turned 1 year old boy. He has four sibs: a 7 year old full sister, a 13 year old half sister, a 17 year old half brother and a 24 year old half brother. All raised in different homes through relative or regular adoption.
We are in contact with 7 year old through his birth father, she's incredible...the 13 year old, that adoption has closed so we may never know her or at least probably not for a long time. But the 17 year old and 24 year old we have had contact with. 24 Year old was with us during birth and later during TPR, great guy, has a son who is 3 and our boy is the uncle to. 17 year old has corresponded with me a bit through myspace.
Neither has written in a month including not to wish DS a happy birthday. They have viewed the pics but not written anything to me or sent a card or note to him. I can't understand why they wouldn't want to at least send him a hello email to say happy birthday. I feel they want to wait and have a direct relationship but he's only one and I cant' help but feel rejected.
Do I have unrealistic expectations? I thought by starting as an infant (I've been reaching out through myspace for many months now, not often but over a long period of time) everything could be a clean slate and nobody would feel weird getting to know us later. Or maybe it's not about us at all.
Should I back off? The other reason I'm a bit upset is that DS's birth mother has been using our comment board to pass notes to the 17 year old who is not supposed to have contact with her until he's 18. Do you think that scared him off? I have deleted them but he saw them and maybe his family thinks I'm in cahoots with her in some way...
I am also shocked that the 24 year old hasn't reached out since he is the father of a boy almost the same age and he was soooo cool to me during the visits. What could be going on?
Any feedback would be appreciated. I will back off but wondering if I should try one last time and how I should do it/what I should say. Should I wait until the 17 year old is 18 to have further contact? I kind of want to know where we stand with these sibs (esp. the adults) so when DS is able to understand he knows he has REAL brothers or just not mention them until he's older. I can tolerate rejection now but don't want to make DS think he has these sibs and they will be in our life only for him to be rejected by them. Thanks.
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Do you remember being 17 or 24?At 17 my main concern was myself, my boyfriend, my first car (which I bought myself after working my BUTT off), getting ready for college, cheerleading, my friends, my hair... and so on.I was different as a 24 year old than some of my friends but it's still a very self-absorbed stage of life. I had some life changes that brought me out of that phase a bit earlier than quite a few of my friends but some of them, through 27 or so, were still very "Me Me Me." For me, life at 24 was just VERY busy. I was just newly married, trying to conceive a child with my Husband, and working my TAIL off in my chosen career. While it wasn't necessarily a "selfish" all about me kind of attitude, I was just very focused on things that needed to be done. Give them a chance. If the 17 year old has even popped out of the inner workings of a teen's life and sent you any sort of message, you're ahead of the game. We recently reunited with my 18 year old cousin and months will go by between messages. I'm just thankful when I get SOMETHING. :)
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