Re. talking to sons

Janey-I am not a birthfather, but I have two boys. They speak English too! :) Just be prepared that boy's answers will be direct and to the point. No chit-chat. At least not mine anyway. There are those boys out there that talk. I just don't have them not when it comes to the serious stuff anyway. Don't worry too much, just be honest.

Hi Janey. I hope that my ex approaches me as old friends, as we were. We have talked about our past, as hard as it is. I think we are past the talking about the past, but it was very eye-opening. I have already gone through the "what if's", "why not's", and "how comes"...that was the hardest.We had made a date for the 4 involved adults to meet for dinner, but have since cancelled, or postponed this meeting. It still is very strange. I now only have the most respect, and a deep love for my ex. I am going to counceling now to deal with some of the relationship issues, but most is clear to me. My big fear is the akward silence that may occur at the meeting, and the lingering "feelings" both good and bad. I have surrendered my "ego" and am ready for any conversation, and am pretty well prepared for disapointment...as well as joy.As far as how to talk to your boy...no Idea, but I think you may want to tone down the tears, and lovey dovey stuff until your son can figure out who you are. I know I would feel akward with all of that attention. Everybody is different, every situation is different.Good luck, still figuring out what I'll say to my daughter...I have raised no children.

Janey, think about other boys in your life. How would you relate to them? Do you have nephews, younger boy cousins, friends who are raising boys that are your child's age? Maybe spend a little time with them. I also have a boy who I placed, but have not raised other kids, so I have no idea at all of how to be a mom, but then again, my son already has a mom, so I think my approach will be more of a friend or extended family member, at least to start out with. I relate better to males in general (always have), so I don't worry too much about how I'll relate to my son overall. I just think that if we ever meet for the first time, I'll be a blubbering emotional wreck (i.e. the "waterworks" will be on full force) and he will be like "OMG get her away from me!"

Thanks you guys for answering my query. I have to admit I felt sort of stupid asking it in the first place but then I thought.....well....those that know me will surely love me........ LOL! Anyhoo... Stacy LOL! I loved this answer and thank you. And as you said I am hoping...no make that trying...not to worry too much. It is hard though. BTW, love your photo of the mini-greyhound. Is that the doggie that won the ugliest in the world contest? Xdad It's strange you know....I find that whenever I picture myself meeting my son & daughter for the first time, I see myself holding back...shaking hands and smiling but being quiet and letting them do the talking. But you are right and that is the thing....I do not want to be a blubbering fool. I imagine it would be embarassing for all of us and not at all a good start to anything. I think from a woman's perspective - at least this woman's perspective - we are looking for reassurance that we are wanted and accepted. Women know the score I think, if you know what I mean. At least I would say that my daughter's understand the world and how relationships can lead to heartache and hard decisions. We just want to hear that we're important to the men in our life. If that's of any help. BTW, I had meant to tell you that I read your answer in the prison thread. Don't be too hard on yourself okay? It's easy.....so easy.....to miss stuff that people write. I've done it. I did it to poor Thanksgiving Mom and felt just awful for days afterward; though being the gracious young woman she is she just laughed and said "no problem". Shoot and sometimes we respond from our hearts not our minds. I did that today. If you want a good laugh at me-Janey eating crow and my own words, check out the Birthmothers Support forum "RAge at Church" thread. Ooooo Boy! As for your ex - divorce/breakups it's h**l and one h**l of a long journey back too. Go easy on yourself and be kind to you. I know, I know...there goes that goopedy goop woman talk again! LOL! :arrow: JustPeachy :love: :love: Ever-wise. You know, I always love to read your responses. You are right too. I have brothers. Lots of them. Shoot, how many times have me and my sisters all stood over an engine helping my brothers or ran saws or wood splitters with them? A lot I can tell you. Mama didn't raise no princesses! LOL! I don't know why it is that I can understand my brothers but not think I can talk to my son. But then, my son has questions my brothers would never ask. Why would they, right? Sigh.......I am afraid....that's the thing. I am afraid. Well....I do know you're one heck of a guru! You're pretty darn good at that ya know!! :gnome: Yeah. Amen to that. I mean, I said above that I'd try to be an adult but will the years of pain come rushing back when I look in their eyes (if that ever happens - I'm beginning to wonder) :-( I hope not Peachy. I hope not. I sure don't want to screw it up. I've screwed up enough already. :-( Hugs to all you guys! Janey:battle:

Is that the doggie that won the ugliest in the world contest? Janey:battle:[/quote] Yes it is. It is just too ugly for words--poor thing.

This is one thing I think we need to change. Is showing emotion that wrong? I have always been taught that it is. You know "Never let them see you sweat" I rarely cry in front of anyone and lots of people think I am cold, but really I have just learned to stuff it back ( and sometimes food helps with that)LOL I did not cry when I met my DD for the first time and neither did she!

Sstuart, that poor doggie!! You're right, showing emotion is really not wrong and we shouldn't feel ashamed of it. I just worry about being overwhelming and my son feeling burdened in some way by that. Janey, thanks for the compliments and kind words. I think you're pretty awesome, too! :loveyou: I think your son and daughter will think you are just awesome, by the way. Try not to think in terms of what can go wrong, but how much can go right (and I'll try to do the same)! You're an amazing woman!!

Hey Stacy! I can relate. BAck when I was in my self-imposed silence, I attended a babyshower where, at the end of it, I started sobbing and I couldn't stop. I remember my SIL at the time (my ex's sister) looking disgusted and saying, "Stop It!" I looked at her and said, "NO!" I could tell I'd hurt her. I've come to understand that she's always been afraid of crying; seeing it as weakness as so many of us have. You're right! THat's needs to change! Hugs! Janey:battle:

Oh, I'm not against emotion, i just imagine meeting my 15 year old and how she'd probably think I was crazy when a grown man starts crying and blubering...I'm real good at that lately. But you're right, we should be allowed to show our emotions, but that sometimes freaks people out...weird.