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I really need advice from parents who have been through the toddler years. My ds who is 28 months old (been home a year and a half) has been having some anger issues and I'm not sure if it's something to be concerned about or just the terrible 2's. I'll try to give you some history. He came home at 7 months and had attachment issues such as lack of eye contact and not wanting to get out of the crib with me. These issues surfaced 6 months after he came home. We went to an attachment specialist and seemed to overcome the issues. My dh who is a full time college football coach started working long hours, 7 days a week in Aug. (about a month after I really felt our attachment issues were behind us) My ds started hitting my dh and I out of anger because of my dh absence. As my dh's schedule got a little easier during the season, my ds seemed to do better. This past March we sold our house and moved two hours away. Prior to the move my dh and I lived apart for three months while I sold the house and he was already starting his new job. He was home two days a week during this time. My ds again had a hard time and was hitting kids at play group and did not want to participate. I took him back to a therapist for one visit. The therapist seemed to think it was more of a social issue he needed to work out. We moved in March, things got much better; no hitting at play dates. Now we are back to football season:( and my ds is angry again at my dh. He won't kiss or hug him willingly. He hits him. He is tantrumming with me over the smallest of things. He has tried to hit me, so I hold him. He then has opened his mouth to me with his tongue out (to try to bit me maybe?) He has tried to scratch me to get out of me holding him. Today he had a tantrum simply because I put my hand on his waist to help him pull himself up on playground equipment. I know toddlers want to control everyone and everything but I didn't know to this extent. I should also mention that just last week we tried getting him to sleep in his own room. He woke up 4 times crying and we didn't take him to our room like we normally do. We would let him cry for 10 min. before checking him. It took him a half an hour to fall asleep each time (we did the cio method before he seemed angry with dh, we have now stopped the cio method with all of this going on) I should also mention that ds has a very reserved personality and is very slow to warm up to new people, places, and situations. In my opinion I feel that his behavior is because he is angry at dh, he is two, and his personality. But I guess I'm asking what everyone else thinks and if we need to seek help, or will it reslove like it has all the other times. (there is no moving in our near future, so once my dh's schedule becomes routine in a few weeks, there are no more disruptions until next football season) Thanks for reading this. I know it's sooo long, but it's hard to get an accurate picture without the background info.
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Are you attachment parenting him now? Transistions are hard for kids with attachment issues and it can be years before you know a child is securely attached.
I suggest keeping his world small, keeping to a schedule with him and limiting the changes in his life as much as possible. I would not look at this as a stage he is going through.
I would also go back to all the attachment parenting you used to do. Eye contact games, holding, rocking to sleep with a sippy cup, dressing and feeding him as much as possible.
Good luck!
Christina
We have a similar situation. Our son is 20 months old, home at 9.5 months old.
Recently he's acting differently from the last few months of strong bonding. I definitely see his developmental stage changing, like he's thinking more about his actions and the result. He is typically loving and affectionate, but when he's naughty, it's aggressive towards me and hubby. He scowls a lot at us lately. He's moody. I should mention that he is the sweetest person to other kids and adults, even when some other child pushes him or takes his toy. I truly believe that he's going through a "terrible two" stage.
However, I always consider his behavior as a possible attachment issue. The reality for our kids is that we simply do not know what is lurking under the surface. It's the time of my son's life to NOT take chances like assuming that it's "just a stage."
Someone mentioned that you never know if a child is attached until after a few years. I strongly believe this. Everyone said that our son was attached and "sure knows who his mommy is" while he clung to me and wanted to sleep in my arms. What they didn't know is that he has some anxiety, fears that we are going away. His developmental stages the next few years will hopefully cement his understanding and trust in us, provided we continue the attachment parenting techniques. Please know that each transition (a move, change in parent's schedule, travel) can set a child back, cause his distrust to deepen.
By the way, the fact that you are posting the question about whether your child's behavior is attachment related means that your gut is alerting you. Perhaps it isn't telling you, "yes, run to the therapist!" But it may be telling you to refocus your and your hubby's attachment parenting efforts. If you see progress again with those efforts, keep with them. Don't get too overconfident about the effect of this parenting and ditch once you see him bonding well. If he does start bonding well, it means that he let himself be vulnerable to you. If things change (in his perception for the worse) when he takes that chance, it makes it harder for him to try to become vulnerable again. If you don't see some bonding and positive behavior changes quickly, run to your therapist.
-Beverly