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My DH and I are considering fostering to adopt. We have a slightly special needs biological child, as well as a typically developing biol. child. We would to adopt another child who is around the age of our children, which is 5 or under. We know what special needs entails and hats off to everyone who adopts special needs, but we just don't feel that we have it in us to do that. But everything we seem to read says that basically they all have these huge problems. Any hope for a relatively unscathed child? Not that we expect a perfect child - what child ever is, but one without huge medical, behavioral, or attachment issues? Just want to have realistic expectations or know if we are dreaming of the impossible. Thanks for any info.
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It has been my experience that most every child I have had in my home has come to me with some sort of issues. They are being ripped from the only home and life that they have ever known. But I have also learned that with a little love, attention, RULES, and gaining the childs trust can go a long way. When you get the call from the social worker just ask a LOT of questions. They will not have all the answers but you may be able to decide if you can handle that child.
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hermommy
It has been my experience that most every child I have had in my home has come to me with some sort of issues. They are being ripped from the only home and life that they have ever known. But I have also learned that with a little love, attention, RULES, and gaining the childs trust can go a long way. When you get the call from the social worker just ask a LOT of questions. They will not have all the answers but you may be able to decide if you can handle that child.
I'll second this answer. All of the kids that I have had, had some "issues", except the newborns. Even those who were placed with me at birth or right after birth may wind up having issues that we didn't see at first. There may be cognitive delays or other issues. Even if they don't have any cognitive delays and seem normal (whatever that is, lol) when they are older they may have issues due to being adopted. It's very common for adopted children to have some "issues" starting in adolesence. Then again, what adolescent does't have some "issues"...adopted or otherwise.
My point is that all adoptions will effect a child...even in the best of circumstances, where the natural mother loving gave up her child so she could be raised by a family ready for children.
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All of my foster kids have had some minor issues. None of them have had issues that didn't eventually get resolved.
Hope that gives you some hope!
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It does - thanks. It isn't that we expect no issues - heck, our own kids both have had some challenges as they were both pretty premature and all the garbage that comes with that, but just want hope that with TLC we could get through it.
The social worker did call me today and basically told us we were dreaming to want a single child age 5 or under. That even if we agreed to foster first, 90% of the kids go back home. She basically wouldn't even process our application. Said we would have to take sibling groups or high medical needs like shaken babies with neurological damage to be able to have a decent chance of adopting. That we could be foster parents but expect them to go back to their birth parents and that we would have to work with the birth parents to try to get them back home. So basically, it sounds like we don't have anywhere to go unless my husband decides that we could handle siblings.
Anyone else know other options? We really aren't at all interested in the $20,000 adoption agencies or really that crazy about a newborn. I know those babies could get taken in a heartbeat. I would like to feel like I was making a difference for an older child, but my 5 year old has an oldest child personality and I think he needs to stay oldest in birth order. She really left me feeling down today.
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merz4
It does - thanks. It isn't that we expect no issues - heck, our own kids both have had some challenges as they were both pretty premature and all the garbage that comes with that, but just want hope that with TLC we could get through it.
The social worker did call me today and basically told us we were dreaming to want a single child age 5 or under. That even if we agreed to foster first, 90% of the kids go back home. She basically wouldn't even process our application. Said we would have to take sibling groups or high medical needs like shaken babies with neurological damage to be able to have a decent chance of adopting. That we could be foster parents but expect them to go back to their birth parents and that we would have to work with the birth parents to try to get them back home. So basically, it sounds like we don't have anywhere to go unless my husband decides that we could handle siblings.
Anyone else know other options? We really aren't at all interested in the $20,000 adoption agencies or really that crazy about a newborn. I know those babies could get taken in a heartbeat. I would like to feel like I was making a difference for an older child, but my 5 year old has an oldest child personality and I think he needs to stay oldest in birth order. She really left me feeling down today.
Have you thought about looking into a private adoption agency for America's waiting children. I didn't even know they had those when I first started. I thought if you wanted to adopt a child from foster care, then you have to go through your DFCS/DSS or whatever it's called in your state. The private agencies here that do this sort of thing don't charge anything for their services I think.
I understand what you mean about oldest child personality. That was the only thing my oldest son requested...well, not the only thing. He wanted to remain the oldest...and he didn't want to share a room. Share his parents and home, yes. Room, no.
Also, you might want to consider waiting a couple of years, till you oldest is older. Then you can "raise" you maximum age.
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I don't know about any agencies. Does anyone have info on any? I hate to give up hope.
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In my state the children that accually get to go home is less than 50%. I cant remember the exact but I believe when I was in class they said it was less than 30%. You can do straight adoption through the state. However, your weight may be a little longer. I got my daughter as a single placement. I also got a little boy that was 5 when I got him and he was not part of a sibling group. I wouldn't give up hope. If this is what you really want to do I would call a different worker. You may have gotten a hold of one that was having a bad day moving kids or something. You can call and talk with a adoption worker through your state office.
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