Just a few weeks pregnant and really confused

((((SakuraEverlasting)))) You are going through an extremely difficult time with tough decisions. I'm sorry this happened to you. Where to start...first of all, please keep in mind that adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary situation (abortion is also, but that sounds like something you've ruled out so let's concentrate on other options). Do a lot of research, take your time in making your decision. There are a lot of people here who recommend that you take your baby home for a couple of weeks even if you've made the decision to place. When I read your post I get the feeling that you would like to keep your child. If that's the case, maybe focus on trying to find ways to do that. I guess it's not unusual for a boyfriend to freak out and push for an abortion, but it's not about him. It's about you and your child, and there is a good chance (especially since he loves you) that he'll come around after he gets usd to the idea. It seems like your main concern is financial. Your boyfriend will be obligated to help financially, being out of a good job now does not mean you'll always be out of a good job. There is other help available. Your baby doesn't need to wear new clothes, maybe there are some relatives who have things that are outgrown that can help you. If you breastfeed, you avoid payiing for expensive formula (as well as a lot of other benefits). There are women here who have done it! Sure it's tough, there is no easy solution here. Myself, I was 18 and a freshman in college when I discovered I was pregnant. The boyfriend was out of the picture at the time. My parents had raised me thinking it was 'bad girls' who got pregnant. When adoption was put in front of me as an option I felt nothing but relief and didnt think about any other options. I wish I had. Maybe I would have still chosen adoption. I know I'm happy in where I am in my life right now, my son has also had a great life, but I have thought about him every single day of his life and now that we are in reunion I have really grieved the years I've lost with him and the relationship that I will never have with him because of my decision. Don't let anyone tell you that adoptive parents can guarentee your child a better life than you. There situations can also change. I was horrified to find out that my son's amom didn't stay at home with him at all. They also ended up divorced. Adoptive parents can lose jobs just as easily as the rest of us. Here's what is really important though. Listen deep down to what your heart says. I know it's hard, this time is no less than terrifying! And it doesn't help that you are filled with raging hormones and I'm sure everyone you tell in your 'real' life will be filled the 'right' answer. LISTEN TO YOUR HEART. It is YOU who must live with your decision. Lots of ladies here have been through lots of different experiances, it's good to hear them. Please keep us informed! And ask questions!

Qunatum is 100% correct. This is YOUR decision, we all try to follow 'The Rules' don't we.....I personally do not believe a child..no matter what is a' Mistake'. I think God works in his own way. He knows a child will be loved by many no matter what. You have plenty of time ...enjoy your baby growing inside of you, for it is nothing less than a MIRACLE...just ask ANY mom..natural..or adptive moms will agree. What is important is only what YOU feel. Talk to your baby..read to your baby...then when the little miracle arrives ...spend as much time as you can with your baby. So many problems are temporary...if you relinquish your child...IT IS FOREVER...No going back. I live with that now for 8,197 days...long time to wonder and grieve....Enjoy this time it will be over before you no it. Please let only yourself decide what to do...listen to your heart...touch your babies face, smell its sweet self, know that ALL that child wants or needs is its' mom and a whole lot of LOVE!!!!!I send this with Hope, Peace & Serenity...:love:

There are lots of women on this board with lots of experience. I'm an adoptive mom, and I love my children as much as I could if I had actually delivered them. There are lots of families out there who would love to adopt but there are also lots of programs out there to assist you in keeping your child.I agree that you should take your time in making this decision. Find lots of information on every option before you decide. If you're only a few weeks along, you've got lots of time to decide. Please don't feel pressured into making a decision right away.Regardless of your decision, best of luck.

Sakura - It sounds like you're in a bit of shock at the news right now. The other posters are right - take your time to decide. You definitely don't have to decide right away. Talk with other people. Talk with the important people in your life, get all the information you can about your choices, get all the support you can from people who will be good to you. It is YOUR choice, not your boyfriend's, not your parents. If you want to raise your baby, there are resources and options out there for you. Best of luck to you in this difficult time.

I urge you to not make any decisions now. Talk with a professional counselor, talk with family and friends and educate yourself. You have hard decisions to make during the next few months. I believe in time you will make the right decision for YOU and your unborn child. No one but you will know what the right decision is. Know that you are in the thoughts of many people on this board.

agreed. Get more advice before taking any more action

Welcome to the forums. Adoption.com is not a matching site, so it is against our rules here for anyone to contact you asking to adopt your baby, just as it is against our rules for you to contact someone in hopes they will adopt your baby. If you do have someone contact you here please let either myself or one of the other mods know. These people face a ban from our site if they are caught trying to solicit. I personally would not rush into any decision. Do your research, talk to those who have been there - parenting, adoption. I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from wanting you to have an abortion, but you need to remember that you are the one who has to live with the decision every day of your life. If you are against abortion I would recommend you not pursue that option.

Welcome to the forums! I totally agree to not rush a decision. You don't have to, people will want you to. I think it is human nature to want to feel as though a 'problem' is resolved and be able to put it behind them. This is not a solution to rush, and you need to protect yourself and your child from ANYONE making you rush into a decision. I am a birthmother, and can only speak from MY experience, which is not one I would ever choose to ever re-live. I know not all women experience the angst I feel, and many have situations that work for them. But that is not how I view mine. I feel that I was manipulated into a decision others thought was best for themselves, my child, and myself. No one provided any resources or encouragement on how I could have parented my child; it was always about how someone else could do it better. I have 3 parented children now, and I've got to be honest, I am sure they are many who could provide more for them, but I am their mother. No one can provide for them what I can (and because I am married to their father - no one wants to pressure me to try), and these children will never have to deal with anything as far as abandonment feelings that some adoptees speak of. If you want to parent your child, seek resources to help you do that. There are many in every community. Do not let yourself be manipulated in whatever YOUR decision may be. Good luck to you!

I was in a situation similar to yours. I was 19 when I got pregnant. I was scared, confused, unsure!!! my boyfriend wanted to keep the baby, but I knew we couldn't give our son what he needed. I was always on my knees asking God what I should do. The decision I made was the hardest decision ever, but the best one!! It changed my life! i am more loving, mature and a better mother to my daughter now 7 years later. I made my own choice and found parents that I LOVE!! We have an open adoption and the Aparents are always willing to invite me into their lives and we share many experiences together. I couldn't have asked for more. I have been reading some peoples posts and they are somewhat negative because of their experiences. But adoption can be an amazing thing!! This is a permanent decision and you should think about it. Adoption isn't for everyone, but if you feel like this is an option, really take the time to consider it. I have met many birthmoms happy about their decision. I believe that there is a commonality among them. They are superb! Adoption is a loving choice. I wish you the best of luck.I remember the uncertainty. I didn't find the Aparents until I was 8 months. I took my time. You can too.