Numb

Mandy;I went through the numb/denial-of-emotions period as well after I placed the Munchkin. It was a strange time, really; that length of time after relinquishment. For me, my emotions finally started to really break through as I neared her first birthday. I spent that whole first year in a strange place. It wasn't necessarily bad, mind you, as it wasn't really akin to depression. It was just, as you said, a numb feeling. I, however, was not in therapy that first year. I encourage you to seek out some post-placement counseling, even if you agency is not offering it. While it took me two years to get into therapy, it has been so great for me.I wish you the best.

I am a birthmom and know just how you feel. I would seek a birthmom's support group. There is no one who understands you like a birthmom. Not just online support, you need to be with people. Give yourself time. Your body and hormones aren't even back to normal. You are loved and cared about. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Blessings

I remember feeling that too, but I was angry at everyone...the whole world to be exact. I knew what I had to do and was able seek therapy fairly soon. I found a wonderful therapist and went through two years of therapy. It was such a positive experience that to this day, 22yrs and three more children later, I still keep in touch with her. I won't say that I was miraculously "cured" of my numbness and anger, I just learned to better cope with and express my feelings. I could say it gets better as time goes on. Maybe for some it does, but I can't speak for all, only for myself...and it did get better. Definitely find a support group, or find someone you can go to that can help you work through your feelings. While you feel numb now, you will experience a rollercoaster of emotions as time goes on. There are places for you to go, and the support is out there. Feel free to pm me anytime....(((hugs)))...

Dear MandyLynn, Hey there! I immediately related to your post here and wanted to send a hug your way. (((( MandyLynn )))) You know I'll be honest, I was in a low-grade depression for years over the surrender of my two babies. I didn't know that it was a depression all that time though. I thought it was denial. But what I did was tucked my head down and refused to feel. I did love people but most of them from a distance and I had little if any trust for just about anyone. I am hoping and praying that now, in the Open Adoption era, these things can change for birthmothers and that we can be allowed to talk about the loss of our children. And the word "loss" doesn't even begin to cover it really does it? It feels like a kind of death beyond loss. :-( Keep posting in here even if it's just to say "Hi. I'm sad today." There are many wonderful women in here who'll understand, listen and share. Be kind to yourself in the meantime if you can kiddo. Much peace your way today. :-)

:grouphug: Mandylynn, Janeytwo is always right,You have such emotionally charged hormones right now. No one knows why we do the things we do , or feel the way we feel, especially after placing our children! You made me think back 22 + yrs to my first year. I think I acted like nothing had happened and pretended I had never been pregnant. Odd how one blocks these things out. We never discussed the twins, but I do remember how I did not want my Fiance to touch me. We do manage to survive, at times I do not know how, but we do. There is always gonna be good days , but most definately the bad will hit with a vengeance,it is still this way with me...since I turned 47 in June I have bordered on obsession to find my twin sons..don't ask me why I just have. You will have a better day tomorrow than you had today..I promise:flower: ....:grouphug:

Hey Cetally! :-) I have asked myself repeatedly in the past few months why that particular little metal clock set me off; not just back down the road of memory but set me off on the journey to reunion. I still can't say what it was exactly about that little clock. I mean, I'd seen other clocks like it over the years but just one day, I looked up, saw that clock and WHAM!! It all hit me. Of course if I'd had a lick of sense I would've known that I couldn't hide inside my own despair forever; at least I hope not. I don't know....maybe this has been coming on since my daughter had her first baby. Perhaps that's when the cracks began to appear in the basement of my heart. Sigh...I try not to say too myself "if only I'd started looking years ago". But I wasn't ready I suppose. Lately more and more I find myself wondering about them; my beautiful daughter and son. Who they are; what they do; who they love. Never in my life have I allowed myself that luxury before. So sad that; so sad