Birth Mom MAYBE found daughter.....

Hi there, it does sound overwhelming! As far as resemblences go thet can be decieving. If you read the post about not looking like bmom you will see that many of us don't look alike. Does she look like her father? Or maybe a member of the family? How old is she? so what you are saying is that this woman said she is your daughter? Is she willing for contact? The thing is that sometimes mistakes can be made, it has happened so as a first thing I would try to confirm information. Take one small step at a time. Gather your wits and think about how can both confirm that you are actually mother and daughter.

My husband was away for the weekend while I was doing all of this, he got back last night and he said she is my daughter. Looks more like a sister of mine, but does have some of her father's features as well. As far as contact - she is not registered on any registry I know of so I am not sure if she is wanting contact. I still plan on doing more research to confirm this. It is still a shock that this woman who offered to help me on the other site was able to get me a name in 2 days! She said she had the birth indexes for the State of Illinois (whatever they are). They are not the birth certificates, but they have the adoptive names on them. My daughter was one of only 3 girls born in the city and state I gave birth in, who were placed up for adoption. She narrowed it down by the race of the babies. I am not sure where to go from here other than slow down, get over the shock, and then resume researching what I have found. Then, I will need to determine what my next step would be. My daughter is 38 years old, and I am 55. Thank you so much for responding to my post. As you can see, I am not familiar with placing posts as it is under the wrong forum title. :)

Hi depen6 I am having a difficult time really "getting around" this web site. I must have posted a thread once, but can't seem to find how I did that. Anyway - I noticed you are an adult adoptee. I really would appreciate an adoptee's opinion. As I had posted I became aware of who my daughter is on 10/18/08. The web site where she is involved with has a button I can click on to send her an email. I have started and stopped so many times. I am 55 and my daughter is now 38. I am "afraid" of contacting her and having my initial email inappropriate in what I say for the 1st time. If I get it wrong the first time, it is obvious to me she can block me from being able to send further emails. Then I would have no way of contacting her. Can you give me some advise as an adoptee. I didn't notice if you have had a reunion with your bmom - have you? I would appreciate anything. Thank you Paula

Hi,Are things going better for you? Do you have anything other than an email for her? I found my birth son on this site when he was 32 and I was 53. From here I got his name, but all his information was out of date. From his name I actually located his parents first and emailed his adad. If she is active on the other site, it sounds like she's open to reunion. I wish you well as you wrestle with how to do this. (I must admit, I would have rushed to send an email... but that's me.)

Hi Kathy - Thank you for your note. It's very nice to be though of. No - I haven't emailed her yet. The other site she is on is not an adoption registry. From googling her name I found her as a member of a group, although looking further into that site they not only have social events, but she is on an adoption panel board. I have wanted to "rush" to email her since the day I found out I could email her through that web site; however, I've been asking questions (from adoptees and personal friends) and many say I should get an intermediary. I realize that it will possibly be a shock for her when she receives an email from me, but I can't help but believe that by giving her space to "digest" all of the initial shock I believe she would be okay. Her professional job is as a social worker, and she is currently attending law school. This leads me to believe she has her feet on the ground. Can you give me some insight as to why so many would use intermediary??? Just your opinion, please. Thank you. Paula

Humbird, I congratulate you on finding your daughter. The hard part is waiting, in searching we many times get false leads, she may not think it is really you. Or she may need time to think it over. One of the good things about all the time I spent searching, was all the time I spent learning about all sides of adoption. Marie

Jomar - You are right in that we do learn a lot during our searches. My daughter still has not sent any reply. I sent first email 11/12/08 and the second 12/15/08. I have prepared a third email but haven't sent it yet. I am trying to find out how to send pictures as an attachment. Then maybe she will realize it is me, and will be more curious about knowing more about herself through me. BUT, as you said, there is a lot of learning during the search. I read a lot about what adoptees, adoptive moms, and birth moms feel and think on this whole process of relinquishing and reunions. And have also read the book "The Girls Who Went Away." There is another book I am planning on getting which is called "Shadow Mothers." I do feel blessed to have found this web site and have been able to feel normal in all the feelings and emotions that have come up since realizing who my daughter is (even though I haven't had any contact with her yet). I read your profile. How is reunion with your children? Thanks again. Hum :flower:

Humbird, Glad to hear you are still hanging in there, and trying. Of my 4 kids Heather is doing great. She lives here with us, at 29 years old. Found her 5 years ago, she bounced through 15 Foster homes. After several years on the streets, we found her on the jail roster. They gave her back, and told us here fix what we broke. She is Bi-polar, ADHD, ADD, PTSD, and is now drug free. She has never looked back except to see if her brother was out there like she was. My youngest daughter I found totaly by accident, the first time I turned on the puter. Her addy was listed on line, I thought it was her Dad. She was born at the same time I had heart surgery, so I could not take care of her. Her Dad told her I was dead, after 4 years they finally told her the truth. I once in awhile sent a small note like Happy Valetines Day, but I would not call him a lier. She was already hurt and angry. Not often but she comes and talks to me on Messenger, and has a site with pics on My Space. My first daughter died at 3 months old, of heart problems. The docs still say none of our heart problems are related. My sweetheart for Christmas put a marker on her grave. She is my Angel that no-one can take away. Jason's family says they need nothing from me. So I must return to waiting, and enjoy what I have. Marie