time out not working

oh dear i feel for you. We were on a train 2 days ago with our 2 year old. I don't think she's ever been a bigger brat than what she was that 4 hour journey. We couldn't keep her calm. Either she was too loud and happy or wailing because she wanted something.:hissy: Nothing worked for us either.You are not alone. *A coping parent of a 2 year old*

Without knowing what the behaviours are, I can't really suggest alternatives. If you wouldn't mind being more specific, I'd love to try and come up with some creative ideas for you...

Ah, two year olds. Gotta love em! :) One thought I have to throw out there is that time out doesn't have to be a "negative". It just has to help in correcting the behavior. My DD doesn't always mind being in time out either. She'll sing or laugh. It can be really irritating for me. Her behavior can really get me mad at times. And she just moves on like it's no big deal. But my ultimate goal isn't to "punish" her for doing the stuff that 2 year olds do. I want to "teach" her to behave properly. Time outs give her a chance to calm down and to get to a place where she's more receptive to what I have to say. But I do try to use alternative consequences whenever I can think of appropriate ones. If she makes a mess of some sort I have her help clean it up to the best of her ability. I take away privelages or choices. Like she's allowed to have a turn brushing her own teeth only if she cooperates while I brush her teeth. I use a couple of variations on the time out theme. For example, she's supposed to clear her place after a meal. If she chooses not to do it, she stands on the kitchen rug until she's ready to comply. Or if she's not sharing with her brothers while I'm cooking, she might have to stay in the kitchen with me. And I do think it's just as important (maybe more important) to give positive consequences for good behavior. I really need to do this more myself actually. I keep a bin a little treats (candy or silly little toys) to hand out if she's being good. I give lots of high fives or I'll swing her around in my arms when she does stuff I'd like to see more of. I praise specific things she does to DH when he comes home or to her grandmothers (so that she can hear). Best of luck!!! :arrow:

I have no ideas, I can only sympathize...:arrow:and will be reading for some new ideas for my guy...Time out is somewhat effective in our house, but Oy Vey is it an ordeal. We also have no favorite toys.My hardest one that I feel needs correction, but how to do it, is tantrums when 2 year old does not get their way :hissy:.

My 2 yo fs is the same. He could sit in time out all day and not seem to mind (due to neglect is used to this). No favorite toys etc. I finally figured out that his trigger is candy. Our main problem was him not staying in bed or talking at naptime. He gets a piece of candy with snack (after naptime) if he behaves. KILLED him to see his siblings getting candy when he didn't! I also agree that "natural consequences" work well too.

In my humble opinion getting tantrums to stop can be done by ignoring them. I have always placed the child out from underfoot and then ignored them (as long as they are safe). They have tantrums to get your attention so do the opposite. Gets worse before it gets better and is REALLY hard when in public. More than once i have had to do my grocery shopping with a fc screaming in my cart!

Timeout is generally not supposed to BE the "punishment". It's meant to give the child time to calm down, think about it, and then go BACK to what they were supposed to be doing before they went into timeout. I hear you, though. When we first started using timeouts, DD was shocked and WAILED her misery as soon as she was in timeout. Now she doesn't seem nearly as "bothered" by them. It is irritating, but I have to remind myself about the purpose of a timeout. Use logical consequences whenever possible!! Give some specifics about what the problems are....

Ohh, I hear you on this one.... My DD is almost 3 yr. and the time out doesn't work either, she goes as far as turning on her back and crossing her arms at you. I've been praising her good behaviors, for example: Thank you for doing such a great job on x and y, and her response is: IT IS NOT A GOOD JOB! I put it in capital letters, because she says it with an attitude. She always respond with the opposite of what I say... It is getting frustrating, and I'm running out of ideas. :eek:

I know you didn't say whether time-out worked or not, in allowing her time to settle down and then return and act correctly, but in case it isn't working, have you tried time-IN yet? If the child isn't able to make correct decisions, then some time staying immediately beside mom or dad and having mom or dad make all their decisions for a while - that often works. It's important that the time-in be relatively boring and practical and within arm's reach of the parent. Like time-out, the object is to remove the child from the problem area or problem activity and give them time to settle down. It has the additional benefits of direct parental attention for a while, and having the child directly instructed in good decisions for a while. A few minutes of that, followed by returning the child to the situation in which he needs to behave properly, often results in a calmer child and better decisions.

Well,,, thank you all for replying. I think I am realizing these last couple weeks I just need to accept the fact that we are coming into a new era in this house and that sometimes it may take many tries for discipline and still not find something that works well. It seems like every few days here a new behavior pops up. When I originally posted this it was she was saying NO to me very harshly and repeatedly if she did not like something I was doing (a behavior picked up from a cousin recently).Now it is any transition, such as going to take a bath, which has resulted in a meltdown each night now, changing the diaper, or anything requiring that she do something different than what she is presently doing. And how did a sweet little one become so demanding now all the time? I also did not know that two year olds must raise their voices several decibels to think they will be heard. And goodness, every time even something little happens, there is no crying, but wailing and yellling. Oy. Mom to human and furry--I hope your destination was better than the train ride--that must have been long. Melissa--I'll probably be enlisting your help! Jalepeno--it's true I have finally resorted to time-out as a punishment, which doesn't work anyway for her. I feel I am pretty good at positively reinforcing often. Coming up with creative ways and natural consequences, like standing on the mat until she clears her place--good idea--for me is harder than I would think. Journey--it's tough! Biblemom--I also have noticed candy is big here too. She really never had it much, but at Halloween she wouldn't let anyone carry her candy bag for her! And good to know things will get worse first--otherwise I would really feel like things weren't going well. Sometimes knowing what to expect is easier to deal with it. Diane--the trouble here for us would be that her favorite place is to be with us, pretty much. But thank you for the suggestion. Pechocha--I did smile when I read yours! Minibus--thinking of logical consequences is hard sometimes, especially in the moment. I agree that is a great way to discipline. Well, something new we will try tomorrow--we are really going to put a routine in place before the bath, so that hopefully the transition to the bath will be more pleasant. Then K can earn a book for each thing she does well--getting into the bath, getting out of the bath, cooperating with teeth, lotion, pj's. I decorated some sticks tonight and she can earn one book stick for each of those things and trade them in for one book each before bedtime. She loves books. We'll see! Thank you so much for support and ideas--and maybe you wouldn't know it from my very long post but we are still having fun these days and I love her so much!!!

Red - Good luck with the pre-bath routine. Let us know how it goes. :) I can really relate to this thread. My DD is so much more challenging than I thought she would be. When she turned two, I thought "hey, what's the big deal - this isn't so tough!!". But as the months go by, new challenges keep popping up. And it's very hard to stay on top of them and keep a good balance between giving her freedom and maintaining control. And the thing is, I actually think overall she's pretty well behaved. I'm starting to worry a little about when my boys will be this age! And then of course people keep telling me that age three is even tougher! :arrow:

One thing we have found that works well with transitions is to give Cameron a choice. When it is time to leave and he does not want to, we say, "It is time to leave. Do you want to walk like a big boy or do you want Mommy to carry you?" Most of the time he chooses to walk. Maybe you could try something like asking if she wants to take the blue toy or the red toy with her to the bath...