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I'd love some perspective on this from other adoptees...
I brought Medina home from Ethiopia in July. On paper she is 5 but this was just a guesstimate and her birthday was randomly assigned. Since meeting her, she has always said she was 7. She does not know her birthday but says her grandmother told her this before she went to the orphanage.
I put her in Kindergarten, mostly to give her time to learn English and get used to life here, since it is much less structured and intense than 1st grade.
I had planned to change Medina's age to 6 based on what the dentist said but I do really believe that she's 7. My thought was this would be better for school if she stays where she is. She would only be one year behind instead of two. Now I'm reconsidering. I'm waiting to hear from her teacher (who has been great in working with Medina) to see if she thinks it would be possible to get her caught up to 1st grade so that if I made her 7 she would still only be one year behind. If we can't get her caught up, I plan to leave her on her current schedule of K this year, 1st grade next, so she can keep doing well in school.
So my question...
If we can't get her caught up, is it better to change her age to 6 (what repreccusions would this have since she says that she's already 7) or make her 7 and have her be two grades behind her peers.
Thanks so much for your input...
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Another A-mom, so not really insightful here but sharing my 2 cents. My DD is very headstrong and would always say her age was what she believes it to be. I would think I would use the age she says to respect her and give her the "truth" link with the information her birth grandmother gave her. Not sure I would be as concerned about whether she is 1 or 2 yrs behind in school as long as the education she is getting is appropriate for her. Maybe other's will respond with better logic.
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I would tend to agree with going with what your adopted daughter states so that you respect her view. What's at the core of this question of age is the identity-related issues. Am I what my dentist says I am? My birth grandmother says? My adoptive mother says? Or what my adoption papers say? You and she may face legal issues later on since one's date of birth is so fundamental to all kinds of things -eg. health care, driver's licenses, social security numbers, etc; so I'd urge you to get her birthdate officially established (as best you can) as early as you can to avoid any future complications, legally or personal-identity-wise. About the education issue, I would agree that the most important thing is to ensure that your daughter gets the best education that's appropriate for her needs. I went into primary school a year early since there wasn't a kindergarten in my area. Luckily I was quite an academcially-advanced kid, so I did fine. There were times that I felt like the 'baby in the class', but I stuck up for myself and so avoided possibly being bullied. Perhaps you might like to talk with some education specialists about the early-age start question? I do know that the Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute did a report called, "Adoption in the Schools: A lot to Learn" about the educational needs of adopted children. I hope this info helps. Regards,Ripples