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Forgive me for intruding on this board, but I am the adoptive mother of a beautiful little girl from Guatemala and I would greatly appreciate any advice you have to offer on this topic. Though she is still too young to understand right now, I would like very much to raise my daughter to be aware of others who don't have as much as we have (just as I would with any bio children). I'd like her to understand the importance of giving back to the community and of helping others who might need it. Here's my dilemma. I'm, of course, very drawn to charitable efforts in her home country of Guatemala. The need there is so great and the circumstances so dire for so much of the population. However, I would never, ever want my daughter to feel as if we adopted her as part of a charity effort or to feel as if we are subconsciously trying to tell her that she should be grateful for being adopted or for not living there. We want her to be proud of her home country and our love for her and our desire to parent her is completely independent of charitable efforts. She will learn eventually, of course, that the crushing poverty of Guatemala leads to adoptions, and there's no getting around that, I know, but we are keenly aware that that she has no reason to be grateful or to think that our motives were anything other than the desire to be her family. Does this mean that we should focus our charitable efforts elsewhere? We hope to travel to Guatemala with her on a regular basis so that she can feel as much comfort there as possible and to know that we love and respect her heritage, and I had thought that participating in helpful projects there might be a way to give back. I'm sorry-- this sounds jumbled but I'm hoping that some of you will understand what I mean. For those of you adopted from other countries, what advice would you give? Thanks in advance,Anne
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Why not do both? We did domestic adoption but I contributed to a Guatamalian charity this year as well as some domestic ones. I think giving to a variety of charities shows we should have equal concern for all types of people and circumstance.
When we brought DD home, people made comments that we were doing such a wonderful thing-taking her out of a terrible situation. That had never occurred to me-we like you, adopted because we wanted a family. I am also adopted and never had the idea that my parents felt sorry for me or were doing me a favor-I knew they wanted children.
I think it's great you are able to go participate in helpful projects in Guatemala, otherwise I think it would be hard for her to understand just monetary donations or shipping toys to someone she cannot see or understand their need. But since you cannot always be in Guatemala, have her serve food to the homeless in her community, volunteer at an animal shelter-whatever it is that moves you.
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Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions. Her biological family is in Guatemala and living in poverty. I would love to offer them assistance and realize that the issue can be very emotionally charged for adoptees, so I'll try to proceed with sensitivity. I appreciate your taking the time to respond. Anne