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Hello! My husband and I fostered sisters for several years who are now full time back with their bio mom. The case is not yet closed, however, we are still involved (as godparents) in supporting the mom with rides, advice, etc. Our struggle is in being around when her parenting style differs greatly from how we treated the girls. When she yells or is non-nurturing it is heartbreaking for us, and we are not sure what to do in those situations. We don't want to alienate her and would appreciate any wisdom from professionals or experienced foster parents. Thank you!
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I can truly empathize with your situation. I'm not sure advice giving to their mom would be productive. I think you'll know if she crosses the line and something really needs to be said, otherwise I'm not sure there's much you can do.
However, perhaps you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that you showed the girls a different way for at least awhile, and when they one day have children they will have a positive role model to reflect back on.
Most people just parent the way they themselves were parented.
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It's really hard to watch some of our former FKs parents too. I agree that offering mom parenting advice might not be the best idea, but could you offer mom a break? Would she let you take the kids overnight? Maybe for a weekend so that she can have some down time?
Maybe if you word it like it's time for her rather than time for you to love up the kids she would go for it? Not a solution, I know, but it would at least give the kids a break from mom. Also, if anything really out of line is happening,they would have time away from mom to let you know.