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We are looking at a situation where the bmom is not naming the father and will put unknown on the BC.
What are the issues with this?
Does this happen often?
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I'm not trying ot be negative about birth fathers but even when a DNA test proved my son's birthfather he refused to give any info - medical was all that was asked for.
If a bio mom &/or bio dad refuse to cooperate for the sake of the childs health what can you do?
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Thank you everyone. It has been very helpful.
I was mostly just thinking legal, because how are we going to change if she knows who the father is or not?
Just making sure it was a normal thing and not a red flag for an agency.
Dickons,
Sorry my question seemed unpersonal to you, I was actually thinking it would be harder for the child to not know who the birthfather is, so we would rather there is a father named. But that child would go through that no matter who they were placed with, if the birthmom isn't going to name.
So sometimes they DO know who the father is, and they still don't have to tell?
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Sorry, I tried to word it that it was not anything you could do about it, but did not see anything stated as a concern about it...although perhaps if enough people raise their voices about it then 'society' will finally step up to the plate and make it an issue in adoption...
I was a very healthy individual until my hereditary disease was dx when I was 43 years old, in the hospital after going through two life threatening events...and the doctors had no clue what I had, what they found out was that I had a disease that is considered a rare disease...or that my maternal history was a clear road map that would have made my doctors wake up and take notice before my events...yet even doctors need clues to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
My purpose is to try to make the lack of health history (that is fluid and everchanging over time) adoptee's have, an issue for 'society' to notice and talk about and do something about. NOT ABOUT NOT ACCCEPTING THE PLACEMENT. Adoptive parents are my hero's - no disrespect was intended.
Kind regards,
Dickons
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Many states, including California, prohibit putting the father's name on the birth certificate if the parents aren't married, even if the mother names him, unless an acknowledgement of paternity is signed. The only way that California allows an unmarried father's name to be placed on the birth certificate when the baby is born is if he comes into the hospital and signs an acknowledgement of paternity.
I was shocked when I read California's state laws on this issue recently. They evidently were changed in the early 1980's. I am so grateful that my son was born before the laws were changed because I cannot even imagine the pain it would have caused him when he obtained his original birth certificate, only to find that his birth father's name was listed as "unknown". Although his birth father always acknowledged him, he was "missing in action" when our son was born...at least his OBC lists his birthfather's name, though.
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isitnaptime
So sometimes they DO know who the father is, and they still don't have to tell?
I was actually encouraged by the vital records lady at the hospital to not name the father of my child.
It's a tough position to be in sometimes. What if you are placing because the father is violent? A drug addict? That would lead to concern for your child.
As far as medical records go, I grew up without any, searched as an adult found my first mother and she has refused contact and won't give more medical information than she gave when I was placed. I'm not saying it is easy or right, but you can live a healthy life without medical information. Yeah, it would have been nice to know more, but I don't so I'm proactive about my health.
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Belle, I've heard that some adoption agencies actually advise women not to name the fathers. I think the reasoning is that it might be easier to TPR the fathers, without worrying if they'll contest the adoption. I've read that on more than just a few threads here during the past couple years...
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My son's bio father is violent (convicted of capital murder) but I still think my son has the right to know who his bio parents are if he chooses & glad he was named on the birth certificate. I absolutly went thru a lot of emotions when DNA confirmed this man was the father but my son will know the truth (age appropriatly) I dread the day he asks & pray he's never really interested. We have a pictures of my son's bio parents & I thank God for it- I can't imagine being in a family that you have no physical resemblence of.
Unless the child is conceived by the act of rape - if you make a baby w/ a violent drug addict you made that choice & the innocent baby (just my opinion) has the right to know their biological ties - they didn't choose to be born. I'm not adopted so I certainly wouldn't know how to feel about it - I just know what I hope is right for me & my son.
Men have rights too - I hate the things my son's bio father did but I can't change it by ignoring it-I think mens legal rights need to be acknowledged & followed in adoptions-I sleep much better at night knowing all i's & t's were crossed.
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RavenSong
Belle, I've heard that some adoption agencies actually advise women not to name the fathers. I think the reasoning is that it might be easier to TPR the fathers, without worrying if they'll contest the adoption. I've read that on more than just a few threads here during the past couple years...
This is exactly what I was wondering.
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Bethy wow....I'd be afraid to let anyone like that near my son, even if he was the bio father. But I see your point.
For us we know the bio father very well and have fairly regular contact but getting medical info from him is like pulling teeth.....harder than pulling teeth actually. He's not the least bit in tune with medical stuff and the rest of his family is not accessible to us.
So knowledge is not necessarily power though we are glad to know him in general.
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My son's bio father will never be around my son he is serving a life sentance & I'd never even think of letting him near my son - it's just information that my son may or may not want to know-I have the CPS file hidden & although I'd love to burn it I know it won't change things. I hope to raise my son to be a strong man & able to handle anything. I know how I feel about this man & can't imagine how he will feel. I know how my relationship w/ God changed when I read about what happened-I hope my son will be strong & self-confident. We all have loosers in our families & biological ties but this one takes the cake.
There is a big difference between knowing your biological ties & allowing bio relatives into your children's lives - I would never allow any bio relatives into our lives for physical & mental safety. I just think a person has the right to know where they came from good or bad.
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bethy724
My son's bio father is violent (convicted of capital murder) but I still think my son has the right to know who his bio parents are if he chooses & glad he was named on the birth certificate. I absolutly went thru a lot of emotions when DNA confirmed this man was the father but my son will know the truth (age appropriatly) I dread the day he asks & pray he's never really interested. We have a pictures of my son's bio parents & I thank God for it- I can't imagine being in a family that you have no physical resemblence of.
Unless the child is conceived by the act of rape - if you make a baby w/ a violent drug addict you made that choice & the innocent baby (just my opinion) has the right to know their biological ties - they didn't choose to be born. I'm not adopted so I certainly wouldn't know how to feel about it - I just know what I hope is right for me & my son.
Men have rights too - I hate the things my son's bio father did but I can't change it by ignoring it-I think mens legal rights need to be acknowledged & followed in adoptions-I sleep much better at night knowing all i's & t's were crossed.
I'm not saying it is right. I'm adopted too, and I wanted and deserve all of my information.
It is something though that women use to justify.
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RavenSong
Belle, I've heard that some adoption agencies actually advise women not to name the fathers. I think the reasoning is that it might be easier to TPR the fathers, without worrying if they'll contest the adoption. I've read that on more than just a few threads here during the past couple years...
This lady was a twit. I was still in pain and my emotions were all over when she suggested it. I ended up yelling at her that my baby deserved to know who his father was and proceeded to file a formal complaint.
You know how I feel about my ex, but my feelings don't matter, Kiddo deserves the truth.
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There was no father on our son's birth cert. A father had 31 days to come forward to make a claim, otherwise rights were terminated. There was no a problem.
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Hi-
With our second adoption we needed to advertise for the birthfather as others have stated, but just a heads up that this costs a bit of money. We had to advertise in a local paper where he was born (Philly) and some sort of legal journal. In total it was nearly $3000, down from the expected $5000 because the judge was kind enough to approve a "less wordy" ad.
In our situation our son's birthmother did name the birthfather, but he would never sign. So, we had to wait 4 months for "abandonment" and THEN advertise for two straight weeks, THEN wait for someone to come forward (I forget how long that was), and THEN we could TPR.
I would do it all again in a heartbeat! :love:
Natalie
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No birth father was named for my daughter and the adoption agency advised me that this situation was a legal risk. A notice was posted in the pugative registry and he had so many days to come forward. It was a nervous time for my family but no one came forward.
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