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I just wanted to drop a quick note of introduction.
I'm so excited to find this forum! I have been involved with an amazing group of women on-line while my husband and I were going through infertility treatments. Though they have demanded that I stay around while taking the steps towards adoption I do know that there will be support, questions, tears and joys, that I will want to share with those who are on a similar path. I felt led to find a group that was Christ centered in their calling to adoption. I'm thankful to have found such a group!
My name is Joy, and though my husband and I may be young to consider adoption (I am 28, he is 29) we know that this is where God is calling us to.
Since as long as I can remember I have wanted to adopt. I used to beg my parents to adopt. Some of my friends had adopted sibilings and I would spend hours talking to them, listening to how thankful they were and how much they LOVED their family. I had a cousin who was sexually abused and became adopted by my aunt and uncle (sadly, they did not give her all the counsling help she needed to deal with the events that happened when she was little with her birth-parents and she does not have a happy adult life). I always felt adoption was going to be a part of my life.
Then, when I entered puberty it was clear things were not normal for me. When I started dating my would-be husband I spoke openly that we might need to adopt. He knew this going into our marriage. After 3 years of being married we wanted to start trying to have a family. When things did not work out as we hoped after 2 years I went to see a Dr. and discovered I had a mild case of PCOS. The reason for it could not be found, and with years of trying to balance horomones, taking Clomid and doing HcG shots nothing happened. Finally we were told IUI was not an option and IVF would probably be what was needed. Knowing the cost of IVF and all that it causes your body to go through we sat down and really started praying about it. I was very confused and needed an answer from God as to which way to go. Did we do IVF, adopt or live without children?
In October I felt, in a church service, a very clear statement from God that our call was to adopt-it was the reason He gave me the heart for adoption when I was a little girl. That evening I shared what I felt from God with my husband and he was not totally thrilled to say the least. He kept saying he wanted a biological child. I realized I would not and should not convince him but asked him to take time to think and pray. For two months I said nothing about adoption but prayed for him.
This past weekend my husband approached me and said he felt he needed to step out in faith and follow if I believed we were being called to adopt. At first we thought we would wait a few more years, but it's pretty clear that I'm ready to be a mom now!! :)
My husband still has reservations-questions that I do not think are unique to him: "Will I love an adopted child like my own?" "What if I still want a biological child, does that mean we shouldn't adopt?" "What will our parents think?-what if they don't like it?" "Can we really AFFORD a baby???" I told my husband that he's not the only person to have these questions-that I'm sure most people who adopt have the very same questions, but with keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, and trusting that He is leading us down the path we are to travel He will answer these questions in His time. It is enough right now to step out in faith and say "This is what you are calling us to, we will listen and follow."
Thankfully, one of the families in my piano studio have two adopted children. The mother has kindly offered to stay behind after her lesson this week and talk to my husband and me about their adoption experience. Though they adopted from China, and we are hoping for a domestic infant adoption (this is one thing we need to decide on, I would like an infant, hubby would like a child that is around 1-2 yo) the emotions and many of the situations will be the same. I am so thankful and REALLY believe God placed her in my studio for a reason! Similarly, hubby has a co-worker who just completed the adoption of a 5 mo baby girl about 2 months ago so hubby plans on asking him some questions.
We feel very blessed that God has placed these people in our lives, and I believe it is just another sign from Him that this is the path He has called us to and I rejoice!
This is a long introduction but I'm pretty honest about what led us to this path. :) Thank you for your willingness to share, especially since I'm sure to have many questions through this process!
Respectfully,
Joy
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Adoptingmomma, I pray the Lord would continue to guide your family on your path and know that He does give us the desires of our heart. Hold on and trust Him with it all.
No matter how long, stay the course.
It sounds like your heart has been prepared for years as ours. Truly it is the evidence of God's love displayed in our hearts as Amoms and hoping to be a mom...
Lam. 3:22-23 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
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Congratulations on beginning the adoption journey. My story is similar in a lot of ways. You're not too young, I'll be twenty seven next month and my hubby will be twenty seven in July. We had always said we wanted to adopt after our biological children, however, God has other plans for us. We're not doing a domestic adoption, we're going to foster with the hopes of adopting. I think God sometimes put these adoption feelings in us as children and teens because he's actually preparing us for the future. I am very excited about adopting. I won't say that I didn't go through some extreme sadness while I was trying to get pregnant, but now, pregnancy is the last thing on my mind. God knew who He wanted us to parent and I thank Him for that. Be blessed!
I know this is an older thread, but I also wanted to congratulate you on your decision.I was 25 when our son came to us. My wife and I were not really looking to adopt. We had not been able to have children, and we were moving on with our lives, preparing to live without children.Our adoption was in NO way normal, as it is a family member, whos mother was unable to care for him, only she did not know it, and thought that she was a wonderful parent! We received custody of him through a pending divorce order, and moved forward from there with the process of terminating her parental rights through the legal system. We did this ourselves, with no help from the State.By the time our adoption was finalized, we were four months away from the birth of our second son. A daughter came along 2 1/2 years later. We figured that we were done, in that our family was just the right size.Well, sometimes God has other plans for you! Our soon to be daughter, who is 12 (and our oldests biological sister) has come along. We are a bit overwhelmed with the thoughts of four childrent at times, and the older one dropping right out of the sky into our family (it does put her right in the middle of our ages, and she is just a few months older than our second son. It is not without its difficulties, but we can work through them and be fine.So, to answer some of your husband's questions, as a fellow man, here goes...Will you love the adopted child like my own? Well, the adopted child IS your own. I know at times it is different in the beginning, but you will forget, very soon, that the child is adopted. It isn't something that you will think about very often at all.What if we want a biological child? I want many things that I probably won't have, such as, I want a beachfront resort house in a warmer climate. But, the fact that I probably won't have that doesn't stop me from living in my nice house that I have now. And, I probably like my house now, and my life and family the way that it is, better than living in the beach front home. You can still, perhaps, someday pursue the infertillity treatments, and have a bio child if you like. Or, maybe God will have other plans for you, like he did for us, and you will find yourselves having a bio child anyways? So, yes, you should. However, Your adoption decision has to be made seperately, and only you can make it.What will our parents think? Hard to say, not knowing your parents. I have a rather strange family, so it is difficult to offer advice here. My grandmother once sent all three of my children (at the time... 1 adopted and two bio) Christmas cards, and she "conviniently" left off my adopted son's last name on the card, while including it on the other two. This is my grandmother's way of being passive agressive, I guess. She wanted to make a statement that he was different. And, Yes, she knew the adoption was final, and had been for about five years at the time. My wife gently corrected her by writing her a well worded letter, just informing her that our oldest was just as much part of the family as the others, and, in case she didn't know, the arrangements had all been finalized. She wrote back, and clearly got the message. My father had his moments during the time, and even after the adoption, kept asking if it was "final." Yes, Dad, once you take that trip to the probate judge's chambers, and he puts his seal on the certificate, it is pretty well done! Do not take my family as typical, as they are very strange. Some parents do have real problems. But, if they want a relationship with you, they will have to get over it! You are old enough to make your own decisions.Can we really afford a baby? No, you can't! LOL... I don't think that anyone can! But, sometimes, they just arrive, and most people make out just fine! This is a normal, good "Dad" question, and he should be just fine.Again, congratulations on what you have decided. If your husband or you would like any more encouragement, or to talk, feel free to PM me, and we can get in touch. It does seem rare to see the male perspective on here.Again, we went from having none, and being prepared to be fine with it, to now, soon, going to be having four! You just have to go with whatever God has planned for you!
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