Would Love to have an adoptee's Opinion

Hi Shelle,You are going to get tons of opinions on this one. My personal experience (from someone not in reunion) is that I would not have wanted it at that age. I was getting away from parents and too self absorbed. There are others here who will say they would have loved it. It's going to depend on your kids, and what they want or need.I'd say prepare yourself for the worst case scenario, read up on reunion, and consider making your information available. Even if they aren't interested now, you can have some peace of mind knowing your information is out there, ready and available when they are. With any luck, they're ready and willing to meet you again! Good luck, and I don't think you can make a wrong decision when it's done with love and respect for others feelings.

As an adoptee, yes contact them. But txrnr is correct-most kids are too self absorbed at that time. When I was in my early 20's my amom was encouraging me to search. I finally did get non-identifying info but being a closed adoption have yet to find out anything else (20 years later). I don't think any harm can come from writing a letter letting them know how much you've been thinking of them and love them and hope they are happy. Let them know that you would love to hear from them and if they don't want any contact now, your door is always open and give them your contact info. Sometimes finding my bmom is at the forefront of my mind, other days not. But if I had contact info I would have invited her to my college graduation, wedding, child's birth etc. Good luck:)

Many adoptees, including myself were not even thinking about searching at that age. I think I would have been open to receiving a letter but not sure about having an actual relationship back then. I was really afraid about hurting my aparents that I would always say I had no desire to search. I think many young adoptees feel like that. So I guess what I'm saying (lol) is to reach out but don't expect too much from them at these ages. It may take a few years before they are ready but at least they know where and how to contact you. Does that make sense?

As an adoptee all I can say is that I have ALWAYS wanted my birthmom to care enough to come find me. I don't want to bother her or cause problems with her life now but to know she still cares enough to reach out to me would mean the world. Here is a poem I wrote today, totally spontanious to my birthmom about Valentine's Day. Was for a poetry contest and I wrote that it was from all adoptees to all birthmoms. Hugs - PJMY TRUE VALENTINE - 2/13/09I nominate my birthmom for my Valentinefor there has never been anyone else who should call me "mine".Out of true love, for a better life, she gave me away,this decision I imagine cost her a lot of heartache to pay.The decision for parents was not so good,bruises and pain hid under my hood, still it is not her that I blame,she wanted hugs and love for me, not pain.Every holiday it is to know her that I wish.Wish we could hug, we have so much to dish.TO MY BIRTHMOM - and ALL birthmoms -FROM MARY JO MARVIN (bn) - adoptee

I would say yes, do it. I am just now 20, and I've been in reunion for 8 years. It's going to depend a lot on your kids, but I'd say put yourself out there ( a handwritten letter is probably the best way to do this) Tell them a little about yourself, etc, but don't make it too profound just yet. If they are ready and open to a relationship, then you can test the waters and see how mature they are and how much they can handle. Have you found a way to contact them yet? Or are you just thinking about it for now? Do you have names, numbers, etc?

I have been trying to find ways of finding them. I have found a few names on Veromi that match my oldest sons name but just not sure how to go about finding out which (if) one is him. I have an address and phone number to one of them.. I am soo scared.. And not sure how to start it.

I understand that you are afraid but try not to let it stop you from doing something that you want to do. Nomatter who your children are, what they think, etc, knowing that someone loves you enough to contact you is never, ever, ever a bad thing.As long as you remain sensitive to their feelings and needs while also respecting your own, you can't go wrong. You can never have too many people who love you

I can tell you that for me personally I could not wait until the day came that I was old enough to search for my bmom. I thought of her always. My desire to search started to intensify around age 14. When I was 17 I didn't know how in the world I could wait any longer. For me it was somewhat overwhelming when I began my search because I really didn't know exactly where to start. I think every adoptee is different as to when they feel is an appropriate time in their life to search or to be found. I am now 23 and have been in reunion for three months. It has been the best three months of my life and has brought me total peace. Good luck with everything. Do what you feel is right in your heart. I think that every birth mom who desires to know their child most certainly has the right to know them. Much love.