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My husband and I were in the process of adopting a baby. We completed all the neccessary requirements and were just about to go to court and the bparents asked for the baby back. We had him for six and half months. Is there anything we can do??? We are so lost without him.
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First of all, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am an adult adoptee and still remember how crushing is was when I was a young girl and our family had to return a baby back. The baby ended up being adopted by another family.
I am not sure of the laws in your state, but if the Bmom was within her rights there is little you can do. I know that you no doubt love and bonded with baby, but would you really want a baby where the bmom really wanted back? Would you really want to fight this? You might fell as though you do want to fight this, but I can tell you as an adult adoptee, if my bmom wanted me back and my aparents fought and ended up keeping me, I think I would be very upset with them.
Don't get me wrong, I love my afamily and thank God He chose them to be my parents and even now that I know who my bmom was I am over the moon with gratitude that she did not raise me, I still would be very mad at them for inflicting a life long pain on my bmom.
I am of the belief that God has a a baby that is meant to be part of a family. I pray that the baby that is truly meant to be yours forever find your arms with a quickness.
I suggest that you continue reading here. You will find that you are not alone. There are so many failed and contested matches. I know you are in pain right now, but I promise, when the baby God has for you find your arms, your joy will superceed all this pain.
May your brokenheart be healed. I will be praying for you.
EZ
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I am soooo sorry to hear that.
But, I do have a question for you. Did the Bp's relinquish their rights and you were going to court for finalization? Or was this being done through foster care placement? Only because i have never heard of TPR taking 6 months to happen in a private adoption. I too would never want to give back my child after 6 months, but thats why there are laws to protect Ap's too. I wouldn't feel right keeping the baby before the waiting period was over if the Bp's wanted the baby back but, afterward the child is ours. There has to be a point when You can't just say oh, ok you changed your mind you want your baby back, here you go! We take leap of faith when adopting that the baby will remain with us in the beginning but, at some point we have to believe that the baby is ours and we are not wrong in not wanting to give a baby back 6 months later!
My son was my son the second I held him, I cant imagine 6 months later having to give him back. When is it ok then to say NO its been to long and we are his parents and not be wrong???? Its not that I wouldn't feel bad for the Bp's, I would, but when do we allow ourselves to think of the babies as ours? Isn't that ultimately what the Bp's wanted in the first place, someone to love their baby unconditionally?
So my dilemma is I agree with Ez that i wouldn't want a baby that wasn't meant for us and have to explain to him when he was older that his bp's wanted him back. At the same time how long do Ap's have to wait for that situation to be in their favor? I mean, if a Bp came back after a year or two and said i want the baby back are we still wrong for not wanting too? I honestly think 6 months is a long time and if that was the law in my state
I would never adopt!
I pray everything works out for you the way its supposed to. I do believe that the children that are meant to be with us find there way to us.
BTW are you working with a lawyer or agency and what did they say?
I am very sorry for your loss. We were matched with an expectant mom for almost 3 months. She changed her mind when the baby was born. That was painful enough. I can't imagine losing a child after 6 months. I don't know if there is anything you can do to stop this. After hearing EZ's point of view, I'm not sure you should fight this. I just wanted to offer hugs.
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Part of the reason that TPR took so long was that our lawyer and the adoption agency were having conflict over the paperwork. In addition, the lawyer never had the bp's sign the TPR affidavit. If the lawyer would have done that right away the bp's would not have been able to get the baby back. I do understand where EZ is coming from and it helped put some of the situation in perspective. However, the bp's 5 days prior to asking for their baby back, were still all for us keeping him. We do think of him as our son, in addition, we have 3 other children that thought of him as their brother. He trusted us and loved us and I really feel that I failed him and us. It is the worst pain a parent can go through. I just know that if our lawyer and adoption agency would have handled this process better, we would still have our son.
Oh my goodness....... I agree with lovejax another lawyer needs to look into it. Please don't feel bad about "fighting" for your son if you feel lead to do that. Just pray and pray and somehow God (or whatever higher power you believe in) will guide you through this diffcult thime.
You are in my thoughts and prayers BIG TIME.:grouphug:
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