Question

To be brief, no it is not fair. Hold your ground my dear and hopefully she will come around. If she does not, it will be her great loss. I hope it does not come to that. Hang in there.

This is unfair. My daughter's amother sent me a mother's day card one year and it brought tears to my eyes.

It is unfair for her to ask - but, as you so wisely realized, your amom is afraid. The only thing that you can do is to try to empathize with her - try to reassure her - and help her realize that she is not being replaced, could never be replaced, as your mom. On the other hand, you have the right to send a mother's day card to your bmom if you want to and your amom has to respect that also. One thing that might help your amom is make sure that the mother's day card that you choose for her is mushy and talks all about the remember whens, how she was always there, how all the lessons she taught you will be with you forever, .... you get the drift. The mother's day card that can only be hers - and help her realize that she is a one of a kind mom for you. That will show her - all the things you are trying to tell her. Good luck and congratulations on your reunion. Jill

No, it isn't fair of her to say, or to think, that. You have enough room in your heart for everybody you choose to have in it.

Thanks for the advice. As you all know from previous posts my mom is having a very hard time with the reunion. I always come here to post just to be sure I'm on the right track with my thoughts. I don't want to hurt her but I don't want to deny the feelings that I have for my birth mom either.