No Big Deal-and a vent

I too have been looking for info from someone whose been there. We are adopting a sib group of 4 and one of the kids is autistic. Can't find much of anything to help us be prepared.

Well, I'm here if you want to talk....but I've only had little guy a couple of months and the goal is reunion. As far as prepared---I had a bit of an advantage which is why they called me on this placement. My mom is a special ed teacher. At one time she worked in a residential facility, where my brother and I were exposed to some very severely disabled folks. Sooooo, she helped/helps a lot (though, darn it she won't help me parent!) (((Incidentally, "worst" for me are children born with only brain stems. Sometimes its so obvious they are in pain, but you just can't do anything to make it go away.))) Some of the advice---start with VERY few toys. Have no more than 2 or 3 toys out at a time. I know it sounds backwards because you (or at least I) want to show the child they are welcomed with things. But Little Folks have a hard time playing with toys and need to learn how to play with a toy. Lots of toys are overwelming. I was fortunate that I wasn't "prepared" yet for a child (I was in the process of slowing getting re-licensed when I got the call--still haven't finished!). That means the room wasn't yet a child's room. For Little Guy this is an advantage. His decor is VERY sublte--none of the murals and brights I'd planned. With his sensory issues brights would have been over stimulating--and painful to his eyes. He does like his glow in the dark stars. Be aware of a "stim" versus play. This is an area of frustration for me as Little Guy's favorite stim looks like "play" to less informed folks. Even his daycare (urgh, getting the eval for the developmental daycare is soooo slow), thought it was so cute and fun to watch him stim. This part is my own personal advice and I know lots of folks disagree.... Establish boundaries and expectations. I know folks who allow their children to pull pictures of the wall, jump on the table, throw furniture etc. I'll be honest, I've been around kids with IQs of 20 who were SEVERELY autistic--that's not ok! My mom teases Little Guy all the time that, "J___ doesn't cut you any slack". And she's right, and she doesn't either. Not to sound all arrogant parent and all, but once a rule is established it needs to be enforced. Also, I've found with Little Guy that teaching him works better than fighting him. For instance last week in the hospital the nurse needed to use a pulse oximeter. They told me to hold him---it didn't work! Finally, I just told them to stop, and let's take a minute. We taught him how to use the device---from then on he stuck his little finger out and was ready to go. Praise works wonders. Little Guy is a bit different from some kids with Autism--to the point I question whether it is Autism, but who am I to question! When he first came he was very hyper aware and though he wanted to be on people's laps, he really didn't do well with kisses. But the first time I said, "I love you"....he changed. He just grinned and was ready for a kiss. Now he loves to get kisses on the nose and will even initiate giving a kiss. But "I love you" and "You're a good boy" he lights up.....and tantrums and meltdowns decrease. I'd also be aware of the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. Tantrums, as with any child, means, "I didn't get my way....hey, are you listening, I didn't get my way." When a tantrum is ignored the volumne usually increases after a response check (ie checking the parent's response). A child (even an Autistic child) can control a tantrum. But a meltdown...there is no control. Something, or seemingly nothing, is the trigger--no parental response is going to stop it, no comfort, no nothing. With Little Guy we just have ride them out with him. (He's allowed to throw tantrums in the house, but only in his room. Normally, that means he stomps back there moaning all the way. Takes a breath and comes running back all giggles. But for a meltdown, we stay right beside him and prevent as best we can any self injury and us injury.) The other thing I'm having to learn is sometimes things just don't make sense. I can't always fix things, because I don't know what is wrong.....more somethings just can't be fixed. To an extent he and I just have to learn to live in the real world as best we can. So anyway, don't mean to sound teachy and of course what works for me may not work for others.

I'm not quite the 'expert' some of the PP posters are, but would like to add my two cents in. I babysat for an autistic girl, family friends, when I was in high school. It wasn't regular, but about one night a week every so often. The parents didn't have a schedule in their house and didn't leave a whole lot of rules. They also didn't give me any quidance. She was pretty capable of doing what she needed (she was a few years younger than me) to shower/get ready for bed/ eat on her own/ etc. and was able to communicate fairly well. What would have been nice to know is what they use to calm her. Turns out taking walks did it and is what they did at school. If we were inside too long or doing something too long and she lost interest with it or was overwhelmed she was hard to deal with. However, take a walk around the block and she was like a new girl. Now, that would have been nice to know.