Scared, Alone, 37 weeks pregnant!!

Dear Mizz_Momma, Hi. My name's Janey. Welcome to the forum. I wanted to ask before I say anything, you had mentioned the father of your unborn baby was vandalizing your house. So my first thought is for your safety. Are you and your girls okay? Do you have any kind of support network that can help you with this man's irrational behavior -get it to stop? I would echo what's been said here about not feeling pressured. I understand what you're saying about feeling that you have to make a decision now....but there is still time. Even after giving birth, even if you decide to bring your baby home, even then you can still opt to relinquish if you feel everything becomes too overwhelming. But you don't have to rush into a decision right now. Give yourself some time. You've got enough going on right now. I know you want to make a decision and be at peace with it. I would say to you that I made the decision to relinquish in the harsh light of reality.. Yes, I wanted to be a parent. But I knew that that was not enough. There were things my children needed and in the situation I was in, I could not provide those things. I'm talking about basic necessities like housing, food, etc. My situation however was extremely dire. Yours may not be near that. I would say to take some time to step back and access the situation; see where you really stand as opposed to how you think you stand (if that makes sense). Also, the suggestion to talk to a counselor is an excellent one. ((( Mizz_Momma ))) Hugs to you. Keep posting and remember that situations change. Give yourself some time and please.....if you and your girls are being threatened in any way......take care of you guys, okay? Don't let that guy bully or hurt you. Much regards,

My heart goes out to you but JANEY IS RIGHT do not make any quick decisions and take care of yourself first. To share with you I am now single and I adopted a little girl from another single Mom who like you had two already and the father did not want another. I could not get pregnant I lost five even though I had everything my boyfriend of a long time left me because I couldn,t and so I adopted alone and am now praying for another she is my sunshine a gift from heaven so is yours whatever you decide to do..

:flower: : PS Do not let the pressure of time cause you to make the wrong desicion there is always time even after the birth whatever desicion is made if it is right you will feel good in your heart about it and I would advise you as someone else did pray about it then let it go and it will come to you time heals all wounds . Do not go to an agency or adoption service go to a community mental health patient center for mental health in your area as they will be objective about it they are not in it to make money but to help. they are free to those that cannot pay. I used to work in one . You are not alone anymore.

Thanks for all the replies. I am currently staying at my Mothers because of my depression, I have been here almost 2 weeks but I am going home this weekend, Thank God. I was suppossed to meet with a pregnancy counciller this week but since I'm not in town I am meeting with her next week...and its through her that the adoption takes place apparently. She had told me on the phone last week that she had to speak with the father of this baby. I told her to go ahead and do that, so that thats over with if I do choose to give her up. As the fog of my depression starts to clear I find myself wanting to keep her more and more. Yet I am trying to make a decision with my mind and not my heart. I don't drive, getting around on the bus with 3 babies is not easy. I will keep everyone informed....Thanks again for your support. I just want to make the right decison.

Mizz Momma... Don't listen to your mind..honestly make this decision based on your heart. You mind can fool you when it comes to adoption. Adoption can seem very logical when confronted with a situation like yours, plus often, even people like pregnancy and [URL="http://www.musingsofthelame.com/2006/05/coercion-form-of-power-based-on-forced.html"]adoption couselors[/URL] have their own reasons for wanting you to err on logic. But situations change, sometimes very quickly. Which means your mind can change, but our hearts stay the same. You might not be able to see a future now with a new baby in tow, but I can assure you that a furture without her will not be one that you ever want to see. Depression now..confronted with all these major life chnages is normal, depression after [URL="http://www.musingsofthelame.com/2009/05/real-hard-part-giving-birth-and.html"]you relinquish a child [/URL]is something you learn to live with every day. Let your heart rule on this one..it's the only way to go. You'll do what you have to do to keep you children together. That's what mommas do...

I tend to take the opposite tack, in that I feel it necessary to look at the situation logically. Decisions based solely on emotion can go very wrong, too. Maybe a balance of the two can be the best approach. The most important thing is to not rush into a decision, have all your options in front of you, and don't let ANYONE (whether for adoption or against) try to push their agenda onto you.

I agree with Just Peachy. Take your time, think about your options and about what is best for the children you already have. You will make the right decision.

Dear Mizz_Momma, The hardest thing for me to do was to decide. I had to give it all a rest and just let it be for a little bit and then I knew what I had to do. It'll be okay. Keep talking to us! (((( Mizz_Momma))))

First, you don't have to decide now. You can decide two years from now. I urge you to look for a counselor or someone who can help you navigate through. You should.be able to find support. Three babies on the bus isn't easy, but it's doable. You can wear two of them at a time! I would nit want to adopt your child, I would not want to parent a child whose first mom wanted to, and could.

Hello Mizz. I was in your shoes not too long ago myself, in a manner of speaking. I didn't find out I was pregnant until near the end of April; my daughter was born on July 5th, the day my husband and I were supposed to meet with one of the two families we had narrowed our choices to. We worked (and are still working) closely with the director of the agency we used and she made it clear that we need not feel rushed and that it was a very important decision that shouldn't be made in haste. She also informed us that they had an on-staff care provider who could look after our DD if we hadn't made a decision by the time it was time to be discharged (provided we didn't change our minds or decide to try to care for her ourselves until we decided). It really is entirely up to you. If you decide adoption is the best route, then I hope you find someone as sweet and helpful as the lady who helped my DH & I. If you decide to parent, then I wish you the best of luck and that you cherish that baby with every part of your being. As for the vandal, I suggest calling the cops & getting a restraining order.

I just wanted to note that this thread is from April 2009 and was bumped up this morning. The OP has not been back to this site since May 2009.

Hi. I'm brokenheartedmom. I felt the same way you do. My husband and I already have two children and its been hard. When I got pregnant it was a huge scare. I thought about abortion thinking in the long run it wouldn't be so painful in life. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn't do it. I told my husband that the only other choice was adoption. I ended up telling my doc who helped me through everything. I cried so much as I looked through papers and pics of potential parents for my daughter. I have to admit, when I gave birth I never thought that my daughter's adoptive mother would come and see me in the hospital but she did. The pain of walking away from my child will never go away, never. But I get pics and I even got to talk to my little girl over the phone not long after her 3rd birthday. As much as it hurts that she's not with me, seeing those pics of her having everything I couldn't give her and how happy she is and how much they really love her makes me think I chose the perfect people. The point is I was terrified, but in the end you will end up making a decision that will be alright. I look at the pics and see me and my two kids in her and it hurts she isn't with me but I know she is happy. Everything will be alright no matter what decision you make. Just remember whatever decision you make you are a good person. The first couple of years have been an emotional roller coaster for me and I have felt like I made the wrong decision but the pics let me see she is doing great. My advice is talk to your doc because they can help get you through every step of the adoption. Good luck and remember you are a great person and mother no matter what!

Hey sweetie, I am here if you want to talk. I adopted a little one about 4 1/2 years ago. I know somewhat what you are going through. If you want to talk you may email me at rotti398@yahoo.com, or we can chat on here. That is fine with me. I know that things look bad right now but put it all in Gods hands. He will provide the answer you need, cause nobody knows what is best for you but him...

Hi Rotti938, You do realize that the mother most likely gave birth to the child in May 2009... Kind regards,Dickons

I'm so sorry you are so alone! Noone should have to go through this by themselves. You have many options and only you know in your heart and mind and soul what you are capable of doing. Choosing to keep the baby is a great choice. Choosing adoption means helping create someones family, and is an amazingly brave choice that you might always struggle with, or maybe not. It all depends on if you find the right family, and what you expect out of an adoption. Would you expect an open adoption? A closed one? I know if you find the right family, you might never regret it. Thats the last thing in the world an adoptive family wants is to know you will suffer your entire life with that regret. Take care my dear and I hope you find your way.