please help me make sense of my situation

futuredad, First of all, sit back and take a deep breath, that's the only way you're going to get anywhere with this. I know it sounds trite, but you're in for a roller coaster ride. But if you're really willing to give all you've got for this little girl, it can work out in both your favor AND hers. First let me say that a lot of this is going to depend on what state you live in. Laws are different in every state, and whether or not you can get custody without the father's consent will depend on that. You will most likely need a home study. It's my understanding that no matter what type of adoption you are doing (domestic, international, or in your case relative) that you will need some agency somewhere to do a little digging in your life, and make sure that your home is a stable place for this child to live. You don't need to have a large grandiose home, or a million dollars in the bank. All you have to prove to these people is that you love this little girl and you want what's best for her. When you go before the courts (because you'll have to either way) this will be something that the judge looks at and takes into serious consideration, because aside from your word (saying you'll take good care of her) it's all he's got. Even if they say you don't need one, it might be a good idea to get one, it can never hurt (unless you're not approved) and will only further prove to the courts that you are serious about this child. As far as your other questions, I would suggest maybe talking for a few with a lawyer. It could be someone you know, or someone that a colleague of yours has used before. Try to look into the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. There are several registered in EVERY state, and they will know your state's laws on adoption in and out. You can try just going through a regular 'Family Law' attorney, but chances are they might not be as familiar with the law as an attorney who does almost nothing BUT adoptions. You don't even have to go anywhere to contact them. Look them up (most will have a website you can visit, google "American Academy of Adoption Attorneys" and use that website to find them) give them a call and have a quick chat. Explain your situation, and let them tell you exactly what you can and cannot do. The really good attorneys will not charge you for this consultation. It's information that's open to the free world. Then from there if you would like to retain them and have them assist you with your situation then you can discuss fees from there. As far as the consent thing goes...this will vary. For the mother, once she signs there may or may not be a revocation period. This is the period where yes, she can change her mind. This can vary from 24 hours to 4 or even 6 months. But after that, she won't be able to just walk back into your life and say she's changed her mind. It doesn't work that way. And if signing these consents is something she really wants to do, this will all be explained to her by the courts. It's a serious thing, it's not a game. As far as the father is concerned...that's iffy. Not in every state, but in some states I know of, the adoption plan can move forward without his consent. Some states will require that it be PROVEN that he is unfit. Other states will say all you have to do is notify him of the hearing that you are having for adoption. If he wants to contest, he'll have to show up to the hearing. Some states may even say he has to register on a Putative Father Registry, which basically says he is contesting the adoption. If he does not do these things, his rights are terminated involuntarily. So the fact that he may not be willing to sign does not necessarily mean this adoption will not go through, so don't let it deter you. I hope this information has helped you. Good luck and all the best to you and your possible daughter. I'm sure things will work out for the best for everyone involved. Keep us posted! :flower:

Very well put hoping!!! I hope you get your child to. The only thing I would add is BE CAREFUL!!