Explaining My Adoption To My Daughter

Just, first of all, enjoy your visit!! It sounds like you have had a great reunion. You might want to think about taking a kid's adoption book out of the library? There are a lot of good ones (of course they are geared toward kids who were adopted but they do tend to explain stuf in simple terms). Does you dd have any friends/classmates who are adopted? I think you could talk about how you were adopted like that kid, etc. I am sad that for now DH is not going to meet his birth mom because I would love for my DD to meet her (my DD also was adopted, like DH). My DD is almost absurdly "tight" with her grandmothers...I don't know if that is the case with your DD, but I think it's good to explain that your birth mom is also a grandmother to her, but that doesn't make her other grandmothers any less so? (something like that). Also, have you thought about how DD should address your birth mom (Grandma or Grandma "First Name," etc.)? BEST to you!

JustforToday- I located my birthmother 15 years ago when DS was about 5-1/2 and DD was about 4 mos old. I had a conversation with DS about how he felt about having another grandmother, would he be ok with that? Who wouldn't want another grandmother? He is close to my bmom as well as all my extended family now that is is 21! DD has always just had 3 grandmas in her life and feels very lucky! Good luck as every child is different. IMO, keeping it simple is best and then as she gets older, she may have more questions and then you can address them as they come up at a level she can understand. I'm sure that whatever you do to present this to your DD, that it will be right as you know her best.

Good thoughts all. Thanks!

Just spoke to my daughter about having another grandmother. She gave me a perplexed look and I told her that I actually have 2 mommies. She said "how did you get them?". LOL I tried to explain adoption to her in simple terms but I don't think she fully understood. She did ask me if "the same thing happened to Uncle C (my brother)". I said that it did. When I told her that her new grandma was coming to visit she got excited and said "that's cool". Then she asked if she could watch some cartoons before school. :)

Wow are you going to have fun now! Let's just say I would rather have questions about sex rather than the ones I got about meeting my birth mom and my adoption! I met my bmom and wasn't sure where it was going to go, it came a little out of the blue for me and I had no clue how to handle so in the beginning I did not tell my son. He met her twice as my friend, the second time when she showed up he literally shoved me out of the way to get to her! (He was 6 at the time). I finally told him and his first reaction was "That is so cool". He was thrilled! And had lots of fun questions for me which I was completely unprepared to answer and probably answered horribly wrong at times, actually I know I did but we muddled through and I have gotten much better at answering. He now has 4 grandmas and a huge extended family, he couldn't be more thrilled. When I have trouble with reunion I try to look at it through his eyes and realize that what could be wrong at having more people in your life who love you! I truly believe he had a sense about her even before he knew who she was. They now have a great relationship, we only wish she lived closer so we could grow the relationship even more! She is the only one he will talk to on the phone, she is the only one he wanted to come on vacation with us, he adores her! (as do I) The other day (after a year and a half of knowing) he asked me again, why didn't I tell him right away about her, I told him the truth, I had no clue how to handle and did it the best way I could, he seemed ok with that. So there is my story, if it can help that is great! All I know is they have a whole different take on things albeit naive but sometimes that is a wonderful way to look at reunion since it is so tricky! So try to look at it through their eyes from time to time when things get tough! I always go back to what he said when I told him about her "That is so cool!"

Hello. I think you did the right thing to try and explain. My children are younger, and my birth mother is severely disabled, so I don't have the questions from them yet. From my experience as a step mother and being on a childless step mother website prior to kids, a lot of people use the coming up with a unique name approach in that situation and I think for adoptees it is similar. For example a lot of times the step grandparents might be g-ma, and g-pa. We refer to my birth mother as "birth g-ma", but the kids are way to young to understand. Recently I got in touch with my birth grandmother and for my 3 year old she gave him presents when we saw her, so she is now "toy grandma". Kids generally aren't as concerned with who people are as we are. It will probably be easier for your daughter than you. Good luck.