Birth father advice

My son was born in 1985, I was 18, his bfather was 17. At the time, there was a lot of denial and a lot of accusations and things like 'why didn't you get an abortion?' and so on. I'm hoping that as he's grown up, that his thoughts occasionally drift onto the son that he relinquished and that he wonders. I would think that having a family of his own, would make him at least reflect upon the son he relinquished. I guess I'm not being super helpful here! Do you know how to find your bdad? I know it's scary, but I also think that if it's something you want to do, you should go for it, just make sure to protect yourself emotionally in case he's not ready.

Dear Shelbs, Hey there!! :-) This is a tough situation because while your bdad does have rights, so do you. You have the right to know where you came from, IMO. If you have a way to find him, can you contact him discreetly? I know he was young at the time but now that he's an adult, he may be wiser and better equipped to handle meeting you. Also, it could be that he's wondered about you over the years. I know I always have wondered about my daughter and son. Quantum is right. It is scary to think of contact and you do need to protect yourself emotionally in the case of a not so welcome outcome. Still, you have every right to find answers to the question in your heart. Much good luck your way today and always!!!

Thanks to the both of you for the response. I guess most of my problems with having to find my bfather is that I feel like Im forced. My doctor is pushing me to find blood relatives since I was diagnosed with cancer. I have a huge feeling of guilt about the likely circumstances that surrounded my birth. I cant help but feel like my bdad would like for me to stay in the past where I've been for 27 years. Who knows maybe I'll be absolutely wrong and he'll welcome me with open arms. Im currently filing the paperwork needed through GA Adoption Reunion Registry and they will locate him and advise of the medical condition and leave it to him to contact.

I don't think just because he was young he would now want to pretend you never existed. I think when fear hits us, we look for "reasons" to keep us from moving forward, but in reality, the notion that your bdad wants to pretend you don't exist is just something made up in your mind. We all do this when confronted with fear or the unknown. We make up potential stories or scenarios. You don't know the truth and won't know the truth unless you find out. You may also be pleasantly surprised. I am sorry to hear of your cancer diagnosis and hope you go through treatment with flying colors. Given the seriousness of this, it is imperative you have medical information. It must be very hard to face this diagnosis and attempt to make contact at the same time, but if you are not ready for a full-on reunion, why not just pursue your medical info at this point and put an actual reunion on hold for now? That could be an option for you. Best of luck with all of this. You have a lot on your plate, that's for sure, but just stay strong!!!

I was 17 when my son was born. He'll turn 17 this year. There hasn't been a day go by that I haven't thought about him and missed him. I pray constantly that he'll want to meet me when he's ready. I've found his myspace but don't contact him for fear that he might not want to meet me. You'll never know what's gonna happen til you make a move.

Fear no more. Fear keeps us from the truth. Are we that protective of ourselves, that we are so afraid to find out the truth? yes. ...that's all I got today.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been? No! If you are afraid of contacting him have a friend call him and feel him out first. I'm sure not a day goes by he does think or wonder about you.

Xdad-Amen!

i find i spend hours upon hours on this site, and i want you all to be thanked for sharing your stories. I have learned so much. i keep hitting dead ends with the name i was told he had, without the name all i have is the date which i did confirm. I have been actively searching and did find the lawyer. He says he has been in touch with the Adad, which all that did is make my emotions come running to the surface. to the original poster, PLEASE GIVE HIM A CHANCE!!! If anything it might just save your life!!! You know??? Jay

Don't assume too much. My daughter was born in 1983, when I was 20. I had no idea how to even go about looking for her. I thought about her daily but gave up any hope of ever meeting her and had no idea about forums like this.....basically I gave up....WELL after 26 yrs she contacted me 5 months ago. I see her every Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings at a fitness class she teaches. She found her bmom 6 years ago and they are very close (i'm very happy about that) she said that the reason she waited was because she was worried that a reunion w/ me might not be good... IT HAS BEEN AWESOME !!

Awesome Kev!