No "primal Wound" here

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that. I turn 22 at the end of this month, & people still believe that I'm too young to properly comprehend the issue of adoption. Mind you, this is coming from people who are not adopted, not an adoptive parent, not a birthparent & don't know anyone besides me who is adopted. The genius's in otherwords ;)

I wanna chime in here with my two bits as well. I've never felt this primal wound either. I love my parents and have known I was adopted since... well as long as I can remember. I always felt special and unique knowing that I was adopted. I was the gift that my parents (who had the ability taken from them to have kids... dang disease) had been praying and praying for. My name is Ryan and I'm proud to be adopted! We should have a parade or something! Lol! :banana:

I am not an adoptee, but am soon to be an adoptive mom (court on July 14) and your stories are making me cry with joy. I am so excited about adopting my child that it pains me to read the posts about all the pain adoptees experience b/c I don't want my son to have that pain. I know every one's experience is different and I am glad to be aware of the issues he may face, but it makes me feel so happy to hear that not all have that experience. I feel so lucky that he is going to be my child and my only hope is that I can fill his love with joy and happiness. My whole family is also overjoyed. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

cac_li : There's really nothing to worry about with your new son. As long as you are supportive and open (Like any parent actually) you will raise a confident child. I am an adult adoptee who is very happy with my family. My parents never made it an issue, it was always other people making it an issue when it's never been for us. I'm glad I got the parents I did, I wouldn't trade them for anything. There is no "Primal Wound" here. While the dynamics in families vary greatly, I believe it is mostly the therapists, counselors and psychologists that create the issues outside of the normal emotions expected with adoption, which can run pretty deep as they have with me. Some people will write anything about everything if it gets them a book deal. The trick is not to fall into the trap of believing everything you read. The best indicator is other people who have been there and can share from their own direct experiences. I've never in my almost 50 years have ever met anyone in real life (including myself) that have had this "Primal Wound". While the author may not agree with me, I speak from experience when I say: "It all depends on the upbringing of the child and the family dynamics that shape our attitudes in life".

I have no problem with being adopted either. Maybe, just maybe, I had a primal wound, but if I did, it's healed. Some wounds heal, some scar, some never heal. I think that's why us adoptees are different on how we view the wound. I have never been conscience of a wound, but if it makes others feel better to insist I have one, it's really no skin off my back.

Count me in the NO Primal Wound Club!! I am a very happy quite content well balanced productive member of society who happens to have been adopted. EZ

What great feedback! Heres the funny thing. My older brother is also adopted and hated it growing up. He had the feelings of rejection, I dont fit etc. Yet he has my father(and grandfathers name) and he was the perfect child adored by my parents. I was the "hard" child that I am sure made my parents rethink the whole adoption thing more than once;). But they needed me to "loosen them up" and I needed them to provide structure. The only thing that kept me from getting in even more trouble than I did was "My parents would kill me!" If I had been raised by a single mom...?? Being perfectly happy with my adoption has been a great gift for my birthmom. My birth sibs say she is glowing and very happy.:banana:

good luck with you adoption! Remember you are his "real parent" and while you recognize that his being adopted makes him a little different- celebrate it- never let him or anyone else tell you "Its because you are not his real parent"

As an adoptive parent, I really appreciate these posts. While I was in process with my son, I started to read a book that talked about primal wound kind of stuff and I started crying and could not stop. I hated the thought that my son would be hurting forever and would maybe hate me for adopting him. I was a mess for a bit until I read some stuff on here and talked to a friend who is adopted. I am sure everyone has a different experience (duh) and my son might struggle with the adoption bit, but to know that he can be a happy, productive member of society DESPITE :) being adopted is really helpful. I love my son more than I could have ever imagined and am so grateful to have him in my life. He makes me laugh and smile every day and I hope that helps him realize how loved and wanted he is.Thanks to the adoptees who post here. It seems sometimes that we only hear from unhappy adoptees so it's good to hear the other side.

this is exactly how I feel about it. I think of mine as a small scar (relatable to a chicken pox scar). If someone were to point out a chicken pox scar on me and say "Hey what's that from?" I would just nonchalantly say "Oh, I had chicken pox when I was 5." That's how I feel about adoption. Like if someone were to say "so, what's that 'scar'?" I could just nonchalantly say "I'm adopted and proud!" hehe for me, it's not something painful to think about but, rather for me, something to add yet another facet of who I am.

I was adopted as an infant, and am totally in love with my parents, and my life. I've always loved hearing my adoption story, and would pity my friends who 'weren't chosen'. My husband and I are currently waiting to be matched in a domestic adoption, and I look forward to sharing the positive qualities of adoption with our future children.

I'm with all of you guys!! I have always felt that adoption has just made me the most unique person ever. . . loved talking about it growing up. Loved that I was different. Loved being the center of attention at times when people wanted to ask me questions. I have never felt wounded. . . only wonderfully blessed, fully loved, hand chosen. I actually wish that adoption could be a more utilized choice for women. . . I just know TONS of wonderful couples who would just be great parents for a child. I can think of five couples off the top of my head right now here at work who are looking into adopting. There is just something so magnificent and right and pure and good about a woman giving up something out of perfect love and another woman taking up the mantel and providing that perfect love in another's place. What a miracle adoption is! I always think of Moses' mother, who placed him on a stream in a basket of reeds, hoping that another would find him and love him as she had hoped to!! She didn't give him up because she was poor, or a bad person, or living an unhealthy lifestyle. . . no. . . she gave him up to perserve his life in the face of certain death. And to think, he then grew up to lead his people out of harms way. . . The tapestry of life may appear gnarled and disorganized from the underside, where we are looking. But from the top, where God is, it is a work of art, a masterpiece!

Thank you so much for posting this. I don't particularly want to be found and I haven't been searching which has caused me a lot of guilt especially when I come across articles and posts about "primal wounds" that I've supposedly been hiding. I'm happy that there are other people that feel proud of their adoption like I do and that there isn't something wrong with me for feeling this way. :) -Gen

I love being adopted, at 21 I could not be more proud of my family (I don't even consider them "adoptive" - they ARE my real family) and love them. I do not see being adopted as any different as being raised by bio parents minus the fact you have different DNA/health issues at times. Now, I will not say sometimes kids did not try to make me feel bad about being adopted - but kids are mean sometimes and I was strong then anyway. I have always been fairly indifferent about being adopted - I rarely think about it really. I don't feel abandoned or unwanted or anything like that.

I like being adopted so much that that is how I formed my family! It is a terrible shame that society is so anxious to paint a picture of tragedy, distress and failure on the face of adoption.