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I'm not sure if I am posting this in the right place, but sealed records seems perfect. My husband relinquished a child when he was a teenager. At the time he was not part of the adoption process at all and did not find out about the pregnancy until a couple of months before the baby was born. The mother only asked that he sign the papers because she had made an adoption plan. He did not meet the adoptive parents and he did not meet with anyone that represented the agency. He also at that time filled out a medical history form (which had no medical history on it as he was very young). Last year we tracked down the agency that handled this adoption and filled out another medical history form and put our contact information in the file. We were told that only if the adoptee contacted them would they release the information. This was fine and there was no rush. I was going to update this information again to include something more crucial. I called and spoke to the same woman I spoke with last year. She was very friendly, but told me that they do not contact adoptive parents to let them know that updated medical info is available. I am pretty sure as a parent I would want this info. Out of five children (I have three and two are first cousins) two have been diagnosed with diabetes (along w/ several adult family members). The adoptive parents have have no record of this because sixteen years ago nobody in the family had it (not to mention the five children were not even born yet). I'm sure this isn't a real emergency, but it is really frustrating.
Is this really how it works because I'm really thinking I'm not going to waste my time sending the information in. Our contact information is there if anyone goes looking.
Thanks for your help!
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Belanger, I am going to assume by your first comment 'but sealed records seems perfect' that you are not adopted. Sealed records are wrong on so many levels. Lets start with the one that you are facing right now...why bother updating health history (and thank you for even thinking of it - many don't) if they don't do anything with the info. The agency has nothing to gain financially by pulling that file and making a quick phone call...Now consider if that was your child you had adopted and your child did have undiagnosed diabetes and slipped into a coma that no one could tell you whether he/she would awake from...would you not want to have the ability to access the parents of your child? What about when you are gone and your child is now a middle aged adult and has serious issues that doctors can't figure out...would you not want your child to have access to their parents? All of that in a nut shell is just ONE of the many reasons why sealed records hurt those who society used as justification to seal the records in the first place. Regards,Dickons
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(Dickons - I think when she said "sealed records seems perfect" she was referring to where to post rather than stating her opinion on sealed records.)
It's really a great thing that you are attempting to update medical history for your husband's child. You are know getting a taste of how adoptees are mistreated by the system of sealed records. Unfortunately, according to the agency confidentiality is more important than passing along important medical histories. I would continue to update the medical history and contact information you've given the agency. Even if they don't pass along the information, at least it is there in case your husband's child eventually contacts the agency seeking information.
Thank you so much for your replies. The story actually gets worse. To get the information I send in (if the adoptee wants it) he will have to pay, which is so unfair. I'm not really sure what I will do with this, but I think I am going to write a letter to one of our senators here. The agency should be responsible, at the very least, in letting these adoptive parents know that information has been updated. They have a child that they have little to no medical information on and I am sure after all these years they would have no clue that some info is available to them. I will let you know how it turns out and if anybody has any other suggestions please let me know. Once again Thank You!!!!
Belanger, You are correct in that the agency should be required to provide that info to the adoptive parents / adoptee AND without fee based on the cost to adopt a child. Morally and legally I think they should have to have a long term process that ensures timely delivery of vital information but it seems like the concern is gone as soon as the adoption is final...so very sad indeed. Has your husband ever considered searching? You do not mention how long ago it happened. Even a registry posting stating wishing to supply medical info. Of course you never know the outcome or how the adoptee feels and what they would be wanting. It's a quandry. Thanks for accepting my apologies and writing to your senator and perhaps copying the attorney general would be a fabulous idea. Kind regards,Dickons
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Wow, it's just amazing to me how this agency is handling this. I assume this was a totally closed adoption?? Still, what harm is there in contacting the son (assuming he is of age) or his parents and letting it be known there is updated medical info. They don't have to give out identifying info if that is the concern.
I had a semi-open adoption and the agency ALWAYS updated my son's parents, acting as an intermediary. No identifying info was exchanged. And they didn't have to ask for it to get it. I sent it in, they called the aparents, and then got their consent verbally to send it on to them. I'm not sure why the agency you are dealing with cannot provide the same service, even if it was a closed adoption.
JustPeachy, I think it would be the 'rare' agency that actually did anything with the info from closed adoptions...no one monitors their activity in this area from what I have read...if money is not involved they don't seem to care when there is no oversight to ensure due diligence. Just another reality of closed adoptions. Kind regards,Dickons
Hi Everyone,
To answer some of your questions. The adoptee is still a minor and this adoption has been closed for quite some time. The adoptive parents had a semi-open adoption with the birthmother for a couple of months, but the birthmother found it too hard and closed it. She only knew the town they lived in, but not their names. My husband was very young and scared at the time the adoption went through and did not participate or even ask any questions so he has no information. We have spoken to the birthmother and she is the one that told us to write to the adoption agency. I'm not really sure if I should bug her with this or not. She is remarried and has very young children and her husband is not aware of this child. We have only asked this agency if they will contact the adoptive parents and let them know that the birthfather has updated his medical information.
When my husband started researching this last year he contacted the agency and the file was in archives in a different state, they had it sent up to the person he had spoke to and she said it would now be at the office for life. The agency said that if we wanted to leave contact info in that file we could. We did that and updated the medical info (nothing major at that time at all). Diabetes was listed, but only with 1st cousin and grandfather. When we called this week (they had told us we could and should update anytime we needed to) we asked that they call the adoptive parents to let them know this information is now available. The person said that it was policy not to do that. I guess I don't really understand. These parents will not know to check this file. Everything that was done 16 years ago with my husband was through the mail. They probably gave up hope long ago that he even cared.
I actually work next door to the Attorney General. That's a good idea. I also sent the information to the agency yesterday. I really just don't understand where the secrecy is coming into play. I know if this was one of my children I would want the most up to date medical information available and that's all we wanted for them.
Thank you for your help!!!