Where is God??

Well, first, I'm sorry for your loss....I say that in real love. I'm just going to be blunt....as a believer you know we don't deserve love--we don't deserve to be blessed or to have everything go our way. Yet God is here in this moment, and fortunately, He doesn't treat us like we deserve. Everything we do in and of ourselves is as rags before Him. Tithe? Pffft, Jesus gave everything. Volunteer? Jesus climbed on a cross for a bunch of ungrateful twits! Nothing we do will ever merrit special favor from God. Fundamentally those of us who are believers know-beyond a shadow of a doubt-that we are sinners who don't deserve the grace and mercy of a Holy God . But, and here's the good part, God is still there---and our Lord Jesus has been there. You've lost out on 2 adoptions--Jesus losses millions everyday. He understands your loss. He understands what its like....and He will give you the grace and mercy to struggle through. The thing is, though, you--nor I, nor anyone else deserve that mercy and grace. Tithing, volunteering and witnessing do not mean we are less deserving of trial and pain. Jesus asked if we were greater than our Master...are we? He suffered imaginable loss and suffering--do we deserve better than our Lord? God doesn't mind us being mad at Him, if He did we wouldn't have David railing at God in the Psalms. There is definitely a time and season to be annoyed and angry with God--we are after all children :). But most often we meet God at our brokeness and somethings we can't hear what He's saying if we're telling Him what we deserve. Finally, and this is really preachy, perhaps these two placements weren't about you and your having a child. Perhaps these placements were about the parents and the children and God's need to reach them. Through that perhaps God is trying to bring you to the point of delighting in Lord so He can give you the desire of your heart. As far as resources---the Book of Psalms, Lamentations (it always seems easier to read and more meaningful during a struggle) and 1 John. In order to help turn outward and get perspective there is also "Tortured for Christ" about the persecuted church.

help or resources....keep doing what your doing as god is giving you direction..in seeking help from hear.

I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time - again! Our dissapointments have been much more minor compared to yours, but the underlying questions are the same - why didn't it work out? Why did they change their minds? Why then did they contact us to begin with if it wasn't meant to be? Why lead us on? With the birth mom who most recently decided to parent, we had met her through a friend, a very gung-ho Christian friend. I remember talking to this friend shortly after having met the birth mom and trying to figure out if we could tell whether she was the one or not. I'll never forget what my friend said to me - it changed my perspective entirely. She said - "God has meant for you and her to meet. It may not be for the reason you think and hope, though. It may be for her benefit, so that she can see someone else prepared to love her child with abandon, and have this put in perspective her predicament." This was 4 months ago. We had her over at our house, I took her to work with me, we met some of her family. We celebrated her turning 18 together. And then she moved and told us that she decided to parent the baby (this was last week). And now I understand more fully the meaning of my friend's words. It is so easy to get wrapped up in OUR desires for a child, that we forget what we normally always remember in life - that things happen for a reason, and sometimes that reason is for our benefit, but other times that reason is so that we may be a benefit to others. A fellow hopeful adoptive mom in our support group recently went through her second dissapointment. Last year, her would-be baby was stillborn. She had had a baby shower, she got along great with the birthmom, and then this. But she persevered. Then this summer, she was expecting a baby this month. Then a couple of weeks ago, the birth mom changed her mind. She said how disapointed she was with her decision, and how she didn't understand how she could decide to parent, since when she first met her, she was actually all ready to have an abortion! She had one scheduled, but a friend of hers who had placed a baby before, suggested that she consider adoption. My friend was not meant to parent this woman's baby, but she WAS placed in her life in order to save her baby's life! Try to see the bigger picture - know that our experiences are not all that there is. For each of your dissapointments, there was still a reason for you to have been there. Is it painful? Without a doubt! Is it worth it in the larger scheme of things? Without a doubt! I hope you are blessed with the child meant for you soon.

I wish I had the answers. My daughter asked me how God could let her be abused and be in foster care for so long. I was afraid of that question and don't really know if I answered correctly. We don't live in a perfect world and the choices of others affect us. In a perfect world, there would be no adoption. All of this is based on loss to begin with. I'm sorry it has been so hard for you. Cling to your faith.

First I am so sorry you are hurting enough to ask where God is. I am sorry for your pain. Now I will share something with you. My Momma and Daddy had 3 full term c section babies that were born still. My Momma had the same question that you do. I know this because it was part of her tesamony. She felt as though God had forgotten her and she questioned for a good year. After her last loss she got to a point where she just about gave up and said "God, I do not know why, but I am trusting you to show me" About a year and a half later God saw fit to have me lovingly placed in her arms. So you see no one can really try to figure out God, but He IS there and He has His reasons. God has the baby that is meant to be yours, those babies were meant to be parented by Bmom and the cousin. I promise you this, that when the baby that is meant to be yours is placed in your wife's arms, all this pain will be a distant memory. Sure it hurts now, but can you imagine the hurt that Bmom would have if she went along with the adoption against what she really wanted to do? Can you imagine the hurt your wife and you would have if you took that baby home and had to return her to her Bmom? See we just don't know or for what reason God saw fit to have things work this way. None of us know why things happen in life until maybe after the fact when we could look back after we are blessed tenfold and teh lightbulb goes off and we say 'Thats why God allowed this to happen" "Seeek first the Kinngdom of God and He shall fufill the desires of your heart according to HIS riches and glory" God knows that you want a baby because this is the desire of your heart. I am going to agree with Jody's prayer and I am also going to pray that God bless you with the baby that is meant to be yours, may that baby find your arms with a quickness. Amen EZ

I am hoping that you are being comforted during the difficult time of grieving. Often answers from others are difficult to read and respond too. When you are going through a difficult time that others are not experiencing- words can seem so shallow. And you can think to yourself "they don't have a clue" No one knows or feels another's pain. And that is true- for we are not in your shoes or going through your trial. But we hope you will share how you are doing and how we might pray for you. God's comfort and peace, Jody

enviz, I know how you feel. The same thing happened to us so many times through Family Services. They seem to have a track record of telling people that a certain foster is a long term and probably permanent, and then it turns out to be a short term, and a relative is found. As much as it does hurt us, I always believe that everything works out for good when you believe in God. For some reason those children came into our lives but only for a short time. I would like to invite you to my new ministry website. I have blogs, forums, and information. I just started it, but I am sure it will be an inspiration for you. If you would like prayer for you and your wife, I always have a prayer request section. Stay in Christ. I know that perfect match for you is waiting on angels wings. :)

I can tell it's getting late, I forgot to give you the website; catchyourmiracle.web.com

Where is God? When Angel died last August, I couldn't feel God anywhere. I kept asking the priest "Is God really here?". The priest kept saying "Yes. He's here with you." I go to Mass every Sunday. I pray with the kids every day. I follow the ten commandments. I say a prayer of Thanksgiving every time I hear the Lord's name in vain. I couldn't imagine God letting my child die in such a horrific manner while I sat in the next room oblivious to what was happening. Looking back, I know I wouldn't have survived if God wasn't there. That was almost 11 months ago. Because of the way child welfare responded to Angel's death, I hounded my local senator and delegate to have legislation passed to protect other kids. The result was "Angel's Law" (House bill 646/Senate bill 605). It bans corded window treatments from foster homes, daycare centers & daycare homes. Interest from safety groups resulted in new legislation being introduced for the next session which will ban corded window treatments in all state/county/government inspected residences, hospitals & schools. THIS inspired other safety groups to challenge the Consumer Product Safety Commission to do something about the window blind industry which has not been forced to follow any federal safety standards.AND THAT resulted in a Jun 17th INTERNATIONAL committee of 4 countries and 10 safety groups to petition the CPSC for cordless standards.FINALLY, The result, June 17, the CPSC gave the window blind industry 30 days to come up with a cord free, completely strangle free option for window cord coverings & voluntarily recall dangerous products from the market within 3 months or the CPSC will write regulation eliminating cords and order a recall of every corded window treatment in the country.In addition, I have been able to talk to reporters all over Maryland to get the word out about Angel's Law so parents will be aware of how corded window blinds (even with cords tied up) can kill their children. Angel's death changed the world. Over a thousand child have strangled to death in the US in the last 30 years and nothing has been done to stop it. Angel died on 8/11/09. He was the 7th child to death in 2009 and nothing was being done about it. If Angel had been at home and died on a blind, would anyone have cared enough to propose legislation? Would a senator or delegate be as willing to listen to a grieving mom as opposed to a grieving foster parent? The senate & house bill passed without opposition after I testified. Did that help the bill pass? Looking back, I can see God's hand in everything that has happened. As much as I miss my little boy, I know his death wasn't this meaningless act meant to punish me for something. I know that because no one, no matter how evil, deserves to walk into her child's room and finding him hanging dead next to his window. I did CPR on my dead child while I begged him to live. I wouldn't wish that on Hitler. As Christians, we think our service to God should be our protection against the wickedness of the world. But when did Jesus' followers ever have it easy? Apostles, martyred. Christians thrown to the lions. I remember reading about St Therese. She was sick and traveling by carriage to another town during a bad storm. The horse was startled, the carriage tipped and Therese was thrown into a ditch. She stood up, covered in mud, soaking wet, as sick as a dog, looked to the sky and said "Lord, if this is the way you treat your friends, it's no wonder You have so few of them". It's the truth. Jesus didn't promise us happiness in this world. Only in the next. But I know He does care when we hurt. Sometimes all we can do is cry and trust in Him that He knows what He's doing. Maybe God needed you to care for that first baby until the cousin came forward because, if you didn't, the baby would be sent to a new foster parent who shook the baby to death out of frustration when she cried. And God needed that child to live.Maybe God needed you to take care of that pregnant teenager and support her and her new baby because, if you didn't, she would have ended up on the street and she and the baby would die. Maybe you saved her life.That doesn't mean that YOUR child isn't out there somewhere. Your prayers aren't falling on stones. Every prayer is answered. If God always said "Yes", would He be a good parent? Would you be a good father if you said 'yes' to your child-no matter how dangerous or silly the request? No. As a parent, you can see the big picture, you have the experience, you can use good judgment and guide your child. And you know you're doing the right thing even when the child screams and cries. Is God not your father?

Very powerful reply! Amen and again I say Amen!!

Thank you Kat for a beautiful "wake up". Amen!

What a terrible thing to have happen once but twice I can see how you question God. Crazy to say and you wont believe until it really comes true but there are reasons for those failed adoptions. Just imagine if the mother decided a year or three down the road she wanted the child back. That would be even more painful or if God was protecting you because of an illness that child might have. Just believe that if you both want to have this child you will and it will then be perfect. Why all the getting your hopes up. Cant say, no one can but hopefully you will hold on to every single second for a lifetime when that child does enter your life to stay. Most parents get caught up in the world around them and forget just what a true blessing children really are. My husband and I waited a year before being blessed with the news of a baby on the way. Being conceived the traditional way took a bit not as long as some adoptions but it was weighing on us. When we held her in our arms for the first time we knew that we wanted to give back to all the people that havent been as blessed as we were. Through our church and research we found Bethany a Christan adoption service. We now make it our mission to help families make their dreams come true as ours has. All money that is donated goes to help assist in the terribly expensive costs associated with the adoption process. I hope you will contact them and see all of your dreams come true. I hope and pray for all the very best to come your way. Shouldn't be such a challenge to give a child a loving home like you both have decided to do.

I can hear the pain and heartache in your post. I can relate a little, we're restarting our journey too... I wish I could give you an amazing and profound insight as to where God is and why He allows such things. All I know that because we live in a fallen world, there's junk around as people continue to do what is right in their own eyes. But, in these times when my brain is screaming, I have to go back to my heart... God is. That's the consistent assurance we're given over the ages... the same GOD who delivered people through perilous times in the OT and the same GOD who sent His son to die for our redemption still is here. And He's here with you. I know your heart aches... but in these times, I gain the much needed perspectives to go back to some of the things I know GOD has done in my life. He is faithful, and not on vacation... He's still interested in your life and your family. I have to remember His nature, He is a loving God, a good God. He doesn't play practical jokes... meaning He's not going to rip something out of your hands, just to see what you'd do. If these adoptions closed, then I genuinely believe that GOD has something else for you guys. (but I know that still hurts). It's okay to acknowledge your pain and hurt, and God is not threatened by such statements. God is working, and his plans are for our good (our REAL good, the longterm kind, that helps us grow and heal and become amazing people... not just the "I want chocolate for every meal" kind of good.) I will continue to pray for direction and peace.

God is there. He will be there when the baby you are gifted with is placed in your arms and you take that baby home. He will be there and he will pick the baby he wants to make you a family. I know that it seems unfair now. I know it hurts - but it is all in his time. He knows when that time will be. Trust him. Really trust him. God is Love. He loves you and your wife and sees your struggles. He feels your pain. I have said a prayer that our Awesome God wraps his loving arms around both of you during this time. Give your pain to him and he will take it. He really will!

I see your post was over a year and a half ago, so I don't know how you are doing now..I can feel your sense of loss. Have you gotten your answers? I was just wondering.. based on your post, I see you beleive, tithe, etc.. but, have you totally surrendered your life to God or are you still holding on to some of it? What I'm asking is- did you seek his direction in the adoption, fostering, etc? Because God does give us freewill, so- we must make sure we are doing the right thing BEFORE we do it instead of making a decision (based on what we think we should do) and then getting mad at God when it doesn't turn out the way we want it. (I've done that many times)..