How to tell daughter about placed children?

I would tell her asap. I was lucky in that I found my son when my daughters were 4 and 2 so that I've just been talking about their 'brother' and they've met him and so on. When questions arise as in 'well you nursed A as well' I'm just honest. I say, 'Well I didn't, he ended up growing up with another mamma and pappa.' I figure I'll tackle more questions as they come along. I was also a bit afraid about them being afraid that they would also be relinquished. I've decided to deal with that by never saying things like 'but don't worry, you'll stay with mamma and pappa' I think things like that give them ideas. Granted my daughters are younger than yours, so it's not the same thing. Your daughter will understand more. I would try to be as honest as possible. I'm thinking that she would appreciate being treated as a grown-up. I would find a calm time to sit down with her. I would tell her that it's hard for you to talk about, that you wish you'd talked about it sooner, and then I would tell her about her siblings. I don't know if she has any friends who are adopted or if there is something else that you could use as an 'excuse' to trigger the conversation. I don't know if I'm right in suggesting ANY of this either! But it's just my thinking. Sure there might be some fallout. She might be really upset to not be your only child. She might get afraid that you'll give her up as well. Who knows. But the earlier you deal with her fears, the better. IMHO Good luck!

I hope you don't mind me butting in here - I'm an adoptee and I have some experience on the "other side" of your dilemma. I have a full sister who resides with my birth father. Birth mother is out of the picture. This sister, "E", was told about me from when she was a little girl. She was shown pictures of me, etc. And when we reunited, she was around 10 and I was a teenager. My sister is now in her late teens, and I am in my mid twenties. We currently have no relationship. Even though she knew about me her whole life, the reality of my presence in "her" family was too much- and she grew to really resent me. She did a lot of cruel things to me over the years, and I now have little to no relationship with my extended birthfamily, as they feel that my presence is hurting my sister and that I should go away. When my sister was a child, my birthfather told her that she was "special"- and she grew up thinking that she was kept and I wasn't because she as better than I am. In an attempt to raise her self esteem, my birth father pretty much ruined any short of a good relationship between me and my sister. As she hit puberty, she saw me more and more as a threat. My birthfather and I are still in a good relationship, as he acknowledges that I never did anything to alienate my sister, and that she will have to come to her senses on her own. She's young and very entitled. "E's " inability to accept me, love me, or even respect me as hurt me very , very deeply. Introducing a sibling who as adopted into conversation won't be easy- but it should definitely be done. The earlier the better. IN my case, knowing about me for her whole life didn't change my sister's jealousy, but I can imagine how much worse it might have been had I been a surprise. In my opinion, you owe all your children the truth. Tell you daughter now- and help her through it. If one day you have a reunion, your daughter can be prepared and will hopefully be welcoming.