if i only knew

hi. i have just recently realised how being adopted has affected my relationships with people. recently, i was in an amazing relationship with a guy. at first i try to hide a lot of my flaws from him fro fear of him seeing the true me and leave me. basically i just didnt want to be left and abandon. i was perfect when if comes to being with him and doing things with him and all. but when i make a small mistake, i hide them and if it surfaces, i would just coer it with a lie and then the lies just kept going. but i have never lied about who i am. i just lied about the things i did that i thought might piss him off and leave me. i have never cheated on him with anyone else. they were just some little mistakes that i was too afriad to own up. he got me to see counselling at first. but only today we both realised that i had huge insecurities about myself and the fear of being abandon. so i do see myself a lot in the reast of ye here. i get attached very quickly with my romantic relaitonships, but i never open up turly with my friendships. this was my biggest regret ever, if i knew about my emoational issue resulting from being adopted earlier, i would have treasured this relationship better. cause he was the best thing to me and even until today, he still cares about me. but i couldnt ask him to stay with me, if he doesnt want to. so my advise is to really try and help yourself, go counselling and recognise your issues...it might not go away, it might come up every now and then, but it makes it so much easier once you have recognised what you are actually going through. and to know that you are not alone in this makes it a tad easier to deal with.