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Hi everyone:
I'm new to your boards and have been searching for weeks to speak to others who have been looking for or found bio parents. I will tell you how I came about my information. This past January my dad committed suidcide. The night he did this of course I was frantically trying to reach my brother, when he called me back he felt it was time for me to know what he had found out a few years ago purely by accident. Upon looking at some family photos at my grandfathers funeral he came accrossed a photo of me and my father, written under the photo was the caption, Niel and his adpoted daughter. My brother went to my dad (who has not been married to my mom for 40 yrs) and he asked about the pic. My father said she was adopted be me when she was 1.5 yrs old, ur mom and I decided to take this info to the grave, so you are not to tell her. He didn't tell me until the nite my dad died. He spoke to my mom and told her of what he knew and that she needed to tell me about this. She came to me the next day and revealed all, she gave me the name of my bio father, showed me pics of him and the instant I saw the pics I knew he was my father. I felt so connected to him and I look exactly like him. She told me everytime she looked at me she saw him. Its odd because I've always questioned who I looked like, I don't look like him at all. WHen I was 16 I was adopted by my stepfather, and when his mother died I had the oddest experience with a friend of his. When he saw me he said OMG I haven't seen you since you where born. My stepdad and mom where high school sweetharts but went seperate ways but remained friends. When his freind said this to me I began to question myself as to why he knew me and was it possible my dad who I didn't look like was not my dad. But the thoughts went away in denial I guess. Then when I found out about the first adoption by who I thought was my bio dad, I thought my stepdad was my real bio dad, but he is not.
With the name that my mom gave me I found my birth father immediately, but from there I don't know where to go with all this. Its very confusing and upsetting. I loved my father so very much, and everyone who knew this info just keeps saying, you have no idea how much he loved you. I don't in anyway see him as anything other than my father.
My question is what do I do next. I want to talk to my birth father, but I don't know how. I have thought about writing him because that seems less abrasive than calling and anouncing myself. As I've found out, he gave me up because they were so young and his parents wanted him to go to college and a child would stop all that. I don't know what the details where in this pact they all made to keep it to themselves. I don't want to cuase him problems within his own family, as he has a wife and 2 kids who may not even know about me. So I come to you hoping maybe you can help me or lead me in some direction. I thank you all for reading this and any help you my have.
Hugs,
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Your bdad certainly seems aware of you so I don't know how much of a shock it would be. If you want to talk to him then do so. It was through an e-mail (that blew me away btw) that I had first communicated with my bfamily. I now have a great relationship with my bmom and bsisters (who are on my bdad's side). I came to find out how deeply it affected her whole life, everything she did and I'm glad that I established a relationship with her. With a letter, you have no way of knowing if he received it. With a phone call, you have to be prepared for both the best and worst that can happen. My guess is that it affected his life. Is there an e-mail you can contact him with? It was through Facebook that I was found at the same time I was searching. The stars will never line up like that again and I believe it was meant to be. You'll get older and you will regret it if you don't do it, as it is evident that this is something you want. It is a rollercoaster, even in the best reunions, there are feelings sometimes that just blindsided me but overall, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me next to the birth of my child. Good luck to you.
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