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When I chose adoption the BF and I were not together, nor had we ever been in a relationship until afterwards. He made it clear he did not want the baby. I was 17 and he was 21. Now, afterwards he wants a relationship but never lets me live down "throwing our child away" as he puts it. He wanted to get her back but I knew we had nothing, and he agreed. 15 years later we are still in contact as he is the father of my 2 other children. I partially kept him in my loop with pics of her. The adoptive mother knows about our past so to speak. There is talk of telling her and reuniting she and I along with my 13 yr old daughter. They have the same father and I know she will ask eventually. I recently got pics of her and got a negative response when I shared them with him. It seems there is still bitterness about it. When we were together he was abusive and told me he would make sure she knew how bad of a mother I was. I would never bash him to her but I fear he would do so to me. Adoptive mom says that if she looks for him, it is bound to happen if they meet. How can I approach this with him, he will not know about us meeting for the first time as that is how the adoptive wants it, she does not want him to know and that is her right. Don't know how to deal with him when he asks about when and such just that he will know when the time comes for AM to let it happen. Any advice?
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I have kept him up to speed with everything except that we are talking about reuniting. She may be angry and not want to meet me, she is 15 and it will be her choice if she wants to see me or not. Though her father has a toxic personality I figure she will see it and make a decision whether to see him or not, naturally you want to shield your child from further damage and he hates me for what I did.