just a vent

So, my adopted son (12) has autism complicated by a complex mental health diagnosis (bipolar, OCD, ADHD, and PTSD with severe attachment and dissociative features). He's not diagnosed with RAD, but fits most of the criteria... We work really, REALLY hard to keep things stable for him, to try and minimize the attachment issues. He just went back to school part time last January, after being excluded for over two years on "health and safety" grounds (aggression toward his support staff and outbursts that were disruptive to the other students' learning). One of the factors that led to all the behaviour (which ultimately led to his being kicked out of school) was too many changes in support staff. Finally got a staff that stayed with him long enough to build some relationship and trust a year ago September. She's not perfect, but she's the same person every day and she's consistent, so he started to relax with her and do better at school. Today, just two weeks after he started back at school from summer vacation, I get a call from the teacher: His EA posted out, and will be gone on Monday. So, another person that he let himself trust leaving his life unexpectedly. We'll try to explain it, but his understanding is limited, and his ability to express himself even more so. Now he has to get used to a new staff person. I sense a LOT of calls home coming up. Dh and I, when we heard the news today, seriously considered pulling ds and homeschooling. At least that way he'll have consistency and positive experiences. Dh actually gave notice at his job, so that we have that as an option (I also work outside the home, plus we have 2 high needs foster kiddos, so if ds is going to be homeschooled, dh needs to be home to help or I'll go crazy!). After talking to the classroom teacher, we've decided to give it a trial, but I'm not overly optimistic. How do your kiddos react to this type of disruption (new teachers etc.)? Do any of you homeschool? To put things in perspective, ds has the receptive language of a 4-5 year old, and expressive vocab of a 3-4 year old. Conversational and social skills fall around the 2 year range. Academically, he performs at a pre-k to K level, although can read at around a grade 3 level. IQ is 53, so he falls in the moderately intellectually disabled range. Interestingly, like many autistics, on tasks that have no verbal or social component he performs as well as his peers... Due to his diagnoses and background he has MAJOR behaviour problems. He's hypervigilant and easily triggered to fight or flight - he ALWAYS chooses "fight". He's a big guy now (5' 3" and 115lbs) and too big to restrain when he meltsdown and gets aggressive. School built a calm down room for these times (a small safe room that has a magnetic door lock). When he blows, they do a two-person transport to take him to the room and lock him in until he calms down. It's completely awful - he makes such a commotion being taken in there, and once in there the volume and intensity (screaming, kicking the door, running head-first into the viewing window in the door, spitting, etc. - think raging 3 year old, in a 12 year old body) are unbelievable. Even with the outer door to the hallway closed, kids walking by can still hear and will try to look in :( It's such a tough call with him. On the one hand, I believe that being in school, around his peers, interacting with (and listening to!) adults other than his dad and I is what's best for him. On the other hand, I feel like he gets to spend a lot of time "practicing being unsuccessful" there.