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I have the chance to meet my daughter for the first time since she was born a year and a half ago.
It was suppose to be a semi open Adoption. and it seems that her parents might be willing to let me see her. Their suggestion not mine.
Please can you share your stories or any advise.
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How exciting! And scary! :)
Her parents will likely choose the time and place, but if they give you a choice, then I suggest a park (are you somewhere warm?) or somewhere you can play. Loud, busy places might not be ideal, but you want a place the child feels comfortable and where you can interact with her and have some fun.
At that age, take a few toys to play with together - maybe a ball, toy cars or toy animals.
Remember that your daughter won't have any idea who you are, - to her at this age you are just a nice person that is paying attention to her. Let her get comfortable with you, and don't be hurt if she doesn't want to come to you or be touched or held by you. She is likely at that clingy stage.
Take a camera with you. Her parents might not be comfortable with you taking pictures, but they might be fine with it.
Expect the visit to throw you emotionally. Even if you are excited and looking forward to it, it might be a big setback for you afterward. That doesn't mean it isn't good for you, it just might be tough, so prepare and allow yourself the space you need later.
When my daughter was 18 months old, she visited with her birth mother (first and only time - as birth mother lives across the country), and we brought a ball. That was a great toy, since they were able to toss and kick it back and forth and play interactively. My daughter does not remember the visit, of course, but loves the fact that she had it. She will ask about it and knows that she had fun playing with her birth mother, and that her birth mother had fun playing with her. Several years later, when her little brother had a similar visit, she said, "He won't remember this, so I will remember it for him. I will tell him that he had a great time, and that he liked his birth mother, and that she loved him very much." So even though she probably won't remember, it will still be important to her. Incidentally, the birth mother of our second child did not respond to any of our emails or letters for over a year after the visit. She later said that the visit opened up some painful stuff and it was just too hard for her to have any contact. But she was glad that she had the visit.
Anyway, I hope any of this helps. Hopefully you will get some other input as well.
Good luck, and enjoy!
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Hey Brenda, how old is Matt now? I think of you often and am thankful for the wisdom you imparted when my girls were very young. Kaitlyn is now 15 and has a wonderful relationship with her first mom and extended family. She has visited her bmom and extended family for a week each of the last two summers and I imagine she will continue to do that. Paige's situation is still more reserved and strained but she does communicate via email every couple of months and by phone about once a year. Again, I am so thankful that I happened across you on the open adoption list so many years ago and again just now! Hugs! Kim Coffey
"He won't remember this, so I will remember it for him. I will tell him that he had a great time, and that he liked his birth mother, and that she loved him very much."