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Last night I received a text message from my bio sister, ( the one with whom I've have so many problems.) She said to me “Hello! Good luck on your test today, AC” ( I mentioned to my birthfather that I had a HUGE exam, and I guess she caught wind of it)I was FLOORED. Absolutely shocked. I literally threw my cell onto my bed, and said “ I don’t believe it!” I thought about it, and texted her back quickly, saying “Thanks!“ thinking that would be safe. If I ignored her, that would be rude, and I didn’t want to give her any ammunition. Then, of course, I left it alone. About 30 seconds letter, I got another message, which said “ Who is this?”Now about 1 minute had gone by since she had originally texted me. Either she has my name programmed into her phone, in which case my name would show up. Or, she purposefully looked up my number, and plugged it in by hand.; Either way, the fact that a teenager year old just “forgot” the number she just texted seems strange to me. So, then I said to her :“Didn’t you just message me? It’s AC”To which she said, “f*** you.”Which..was lovely?Of course my birthfather called me later that day, saying " Oh! I heard that your sister was nice and texted you today! She told me all about it!"Of course, when I told him how it really happened who then proceeded to tell me (sort of jokingly) that “ I should have known better than to say thank you, that I walked right into her trap.” He also told me that she meant what she said in the moment, but that she changed her mind and that she wanted to “twist the knife” on me a little bit.I realize how petty and stupid this sounds. This is more of a vent than anything else. Lesson learned..but Dear lord. What on earth am I dealing with? I understand not wanting anything to do with anyone..but why torture me? Jesus Mary and Joseph this girl is a piece of work- and I just cannot believe we share the same genes.
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I agree with everyone so far but particularly Peachy.Some people just can't live life without drama and being the center of attention(one of my 'best friends' in the past was like this...I HATE drama so we weren't really a perfect match lol). She may be like this in general and then throwing in all of the adoption stuff (like you having a good relationship with your bfather which takes the focus off her for a minute) just sends her over.You also mentioned she is teenaged...that may factor in too. Sounds like a mess.You don't have to put up with her childishness though. Like Peachy said, if everyone else in her world wants to put up with her attitude, then more power to them...but YOU don't have to deal with it (and I'm sorry that you are having to).Hope you did awesome on your exam!!
She'll be 17 this year...
My birthfather keeps insisting that this will simply stop soon- that she loves me but can't show it yet. Whatever I've stopped believing that bull.
But..what should I have done with that message?! No matter what I do, it seems, I'm wrong! As many of you know, it hurts enough just to be ignored, to be loathed for existing, but this is like..a few steps farther than that. If you don't like me,fine, but why mess with my brain!?!
You guys are ALL 100% right..I just don't know what I was even SUPPOSED to do this time!
You responded correctly but perhaps you should send any responses with a cc to your bfather? Personally I would simply block her number...but then I am old and cranky. I know it hurts and it sometimes seems the hurting never ends, nor do the whys. So have you taken the test yet? If not, take a few minutes to regain your focus and know we are all rooting for you to do really good! Kind regards,Dickons
I agree with blocking. Maybe give yourself "x" amount of time to revisit blocking....like six months...when she's 18...something. I realize she's a kid, but this sounds like "eerie" ala The Hand That Rocked The Cradle or one of those horror movies! It's also a timesuck that I'm sure you don't need if you are busy studying. Hang in there!!
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I did take my test ( it was more of an oral examination to rate my linguistic abilities in Italian) and though the professor said I did very well, I won't get a grade until Monday!
I actually cannot block a number with Sprint on my cell phone! I called up and the woman I spoke to seemed to have no idea what I was talking about!?
I realize she's a kid..but come on. I was NEVER like this. NEVER NEVER NEVER. I would feel too guilty being cruel. She seems to have no conscience. It's CRAZY to me that she can do these things and sleep at night. I know I couldn't.
Well, she's acting her age... I have a 13 & 11 year old, so we're just beginning the teenage stuff -- yikes! Very intense age.
I'm not sure how I would respond. I'd probably just ignore her, but not shut the door. We can all think of things we said or did at 17 that would now make us cringe.
I wouldn't add wood to the fire. When she's 25, she'll be totally embarrassed about doing that stuff to you. I'd say to be the older, wiser sister -- take a few breaths and don't stoop to her level. She'll grow up -- eventually.... or so I've heard....
I think if something like this happens again, you can either ignore her messages entirely and just let her think of you as rude (and who cares what she thinks), or else respond as you did with a "thank you" and if she comes back with some off-the-wall message like "who is this?" then ignore her at that point. And definitely don't get pulled into discussing these things with your dad. That's just what she wants, to stir up sh*t. Hopefully, she will grow up and mature someday and perhaps you can have a relationship with her. Until then, I'd say don't get sucked in to the drama.
Amandak249
Of course, when I told him how it really happened who then proceeded to tell me (sort of jokingly) that I should have known better than to say thank you, that I walked right into her trap.Ӕ He also told me that she meant what she said in the moment, but that she changed her mind and that she wanted to twist the knifeӔ on me a little bit.
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I'm with you Amanda, I was NOT like this (almost) 3 years ago when I was 17, but there are some people who are just *like* this.Again, I agree with Peachy's approach. Just respond however you normally would (if that is ignoring her, cool, if it's saying thank you (or whatever), that's cool too) and then just let it go if she comes back with something strange.Maybe ignoring her b**chy behavior will help her grow up some. Hopefully she matures some soon so she can see the nastiness of her actions. I wonder if she is like this with other people in her life (i.e. stirring up drama with her friends, etc.).Congrats for doing well on your exam (I'm sure you'll get a good grade lol).
What did your birthfather do about this? Do you know if he talked to her about it? Scolded her? Anything besides making excuses for her behavior? Yes, she is young, but that's exactly why he should be stepping up and putting a stop to what she's doing to you.
Considering your Bsis's emotional imaturity, your bfather is probablyright. She will always blame you, if not you anyone or thing but herself.
I think everyone is right, ignore her. It's the safest thing to do. Now, for advice from my not so nice, more mischeivious, evil Shadow side. You want to stop her? Next time, no matter what she text, reply, "I love you." If ignoring her doesn't drive her nuts, and it will, because ignoring a narsisist (sp), who always thrive on attention and drama, will most definitely get your point across that you do not intend to play her game, repeatedly responding to every text, and I do mean every text, with "I love you" will surely confuse and stop her game, at least for a while. It also might get you off the hook with Bdad. What could he say? You just told her you love her? I should warn you, if you do take this advise, expect some very ugly responses..to which...you will reply, "I love you."
Just an idea you can consider...and shame on me, but this stuff she is doing is bull. Again, ignoring her is best.
Oh, I really like Shadow Riderer's idea. I do that with my daughter when we're going round in circles. 'I love you' will always get her to at least pause for a moment and think. Sometimes she'll come back with even more absurd things like 'I think you love the dog more than you love me.' And I respond, I love you more, you're way cuter than the dog. She'll usually walk away shaking her head realizing she's not getting very far with me at that particular time.
I think that both of my kids and sometimes my husband do/say things to provoke a reaction from me. Sometimes, okay, they get a reaction, but lots of times I will ignore or do that 'I love you' thing.
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Thanks for the support guys. It's days like this when I want to bury my adoption. I hope one day my sister will see the light.... I also know that I will never take her back unless a sincere apology is given. She may have alienated the only full sister she'll ever have.
( we also have a full brother, who was placed for adoption as well. I sincerely hope that poor child never finds us... I pray he stays as far away as he can.)
