Advertisements
After all the talking about and thinking about transracial adoption, after all the reading, after all the conversations with you guys, I can't believe how unprepared I was getting my first "out of the mouths of babes" comment. The six-year old big sister of a preschool classmate of A's asked me yesterday very politely, with A right there "Why is she brown?" And I swear, I had no idea what she was talking about. I've gotten some kids looking at us confusedly and asking "Are you her mother?" and I just say 'Yes!" But this was the first question from a kid directly about race. And then she said "Why are you and she different colors?" And I had an "aha!" moment, followed by "Oh my gosh now I'm supposed to say something insightful and age-appropriate that simultaneously reassures A about her place in the family, doesn't reveal more info about our family then is appropriate, takes into account that A's developing understanding of both adoption and race, AND respects that this 6 year old has asked a completely valid question for someone of her age group. AAAGGHHHHH." And I managed to squeak out "Well, people come in lots of different colors, and sometimes people look different then their mommies or their daddies." And the 6-year-old said "Yeah, like I have a friend whose mom is one color and her dad is another." And I said "yes, that's right." I didn't mention adoption - in retrospect I'm not sure why - I mean everyone at pre-school knows we're an adoptive family. Anyhow, it was just a weird eye-opening moment for me, and reminds me that I have to be a LOT more ready for this, in all different contexts, as she gets older. :flower:
Like
Share
Good job!! I had the same exact question from one of DS' classmates last year. "Why is she brown and he is not?" the girl asked... I said "God makes everyone different colors, doesn't He?" She smiled and nodded yes. End of story, appropriate answer for a 7yo child. It caught me off guard that kids so young can spot those differences, but yet are satisfied with such a simple answer--no need to get into adoption with them in that instance.
Advertisements
My worst "what do I say" moment was when a third grader came up and told my at the time kindergartener that I was too "white to be his momma" too me it was extremely ironic because he was a mixed child. However I am white and my sons are all AA I wanted to step up and say somthing to address everything that you said, but my son spoke up first and said "I like white mommas" That was the end of that!! No more questions or validation needed! Btw my son was placed with me at the age of four through foster care and completely knows his story.
Advertisements
I get questions like that all the time. I usually answer, "Because he/she is adopted." And I will go further if they ask about adoption. "It means he grew in the tummy of his first mommy who was black like him.
Lately I've been asked if I am grandma. :grr: I guess it's easier that way to make the leap from the color of my skin to the dark skin of my kids.
I teach 1st grade and have pictures of my AA son in my classroom. This year a child said "I thought your baby would be white like you". I explained I was his second mommy, and that he looked like his 1st tummy mommy. The child accepted that explanantion and that was the end of it.
I'm very open about the fact that my child is adopted. My class 2 years ago was with my when I got the placement call about my baby, and were SO excited about him, and many of the families in my school know about us.
I think its an awesome way to teach that families come in all different varieties and that the common bond is love.
I've been asked by children "Why are you white and he's brown?" a few times now. I always say, "Because Jackson was adopted." The first time I was asked what that meant, it was very hard to come up with an age-appropriate answer. (Made harder because the child asking was a very precocious, smart 8-year old, and my son was 3 at the time, so I hadn't had practice with that age group.) Now, I'm better at figuring out what precisely the child wants to know.
:hippie:
Advertisements
CubanaYogini
I get questions like that all the time. I usually answer, "Because he/she is adopted." And I will go further if they ask about adoption. "It means he grew in the tummy of his first mommy who was black like him.
Lately I've been asked if I am grandma. :grr: I guess it's easier that way to make the leap from the color of my skin to the dark skin of my kids.
Jensboys
This is an OLD thread from 2009 that got posted to today, but it made me sad to see this quote from Cubana Yogini - who has since passed away from cancer :( I guess I will say a prayer for her kids today.
Advertisements