Losing all over again..

December 5, 2009

My Adoptive Mother is 88 years old. She is a devout Catholic Woman, who has probably cussed maybe a handful of times over her life. She is the next thing that I know of that even comes close to an "Angel". I have lived my life patterened after my A-Mother.

I was the only child that married Catholic, and followed in the footsteps of career path as my A-Father. I am successful and employed and own my own home. I am 47 years old, and probably gave my parents worries when I was a teenager.

My Adoptive Parents have recently moved into a Catholic Senior Apartment in August of 2009. Dad is 90 and Mom is 88.. I have had a life time of memories with them..

I have a splintered relationship with them now, and I blame my older adopted sister for the entire situation.

She has lied to our A-Parents about so many things, and has them wrapped around her finger.. They no longer listen to me, and are suspicious of my motive's.

My Adoptive parents are in the process of making final plans for themselves.

I no longer trust my A-sister, and have cut off my relationship with her.. While cutting her out of my life, my Adoptive Mother blames me for making trouble.

I miss my Adoptive Mother, and the relationship we once had. She has said so many hurtful things, that I just cannot get past it. My Adoptive Mother does not ever talk to my own daughters anymore, unless they stop by to visit them..

I never in a million years thought their last few years here with us would be so messed up.. It hurst so badly to be in this position with them.

I feel like I have lost them already, or that they have already died..

I will never forgive my adoptive sister for all of this pain she has caused.. She and her lies, and my keeping them burried inside.

Everyday without them, the pain grows worse..

I feel like I have lost them already..

62362

txrnr

December 6, 2009

I am so sorry. I can see the pain in your post. No excuses for your sister. None.

Often, the elderly tend to get more suspicious and set in their ways. Even when their cognitive mind is still fairly sharp, they can have difficulty with emotional decisions and issues. Is it possible this is the case, and your sister has taken advantage of it?

We're going through something similar with my MIL. She has always been a dear, dear woman, and in the past year she's become more caustic and she seems to be dividing the family. (she is under a doctor's care) She'll tell one sibling something, another something else... Completely out of character for her.

We've all just come to the conclusion as hard as it is, to remember how she was for most of her life, and love her more at the end of it. It's not easy. I hope you can find some comfort in the many, many years with your Mom that were great, and realize she may not be able to control her actions now, and as hard as it is, try not to take it personally. (Mom, not your sister)