Attachment Disorder In adopted adults

:laundry: I was adopted in 1968 or so I think, as was commen back in the day it was a closed adoption. I am now going on 41 and have been struggleing with depression. I decided to get some "professional" help when I started feeling like there was nothing to live for. As I started telling my story to the psychologist he stopped me and said " I think you suffer from attachment disorder". According to him many adopted children experience this since we were given up by our birth mother and never bonded with her, were left in a hospital or foster care and basically passed around until we wee adotped. I am trying to understand this disorder and if it truelyl applies to me. I have read some information on this and although I feel I have some of the tell tale signs, I could apply them toa lot of people I have known in my life. I just really want to know what is wrong with me. I was adopted by a wonderful family and have two older brothers that were also adopted and one younger sister that is biological to my AP's. Although my adopted mom and I do not see eye to eye and it is obvious to everyone that our sister and her family are better than the rest of us (in her eyes), I dont know if this disorder applies to me. If anyone out there is struggleing with Attachment disorder or has info on this I would love to hear from you. Thanks, Lori

Lori, I'm an adoptive mom. My kids all have the same birthmom. My eldest came to live with us at 13 mos. She was already walking and very independent. She didn't like to be held. She has always been very argumentative. She is also the kind of person that doesn't see the glass half empty. Hers is dry and broken. She has struggled off and on with anxiety. When she started going through puberty, her whole demeanor started to change. She got so depressed. We took her to a pediatric psychiatrist. She was dx with RAD-inhibitive, dysthymia, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. She has been on an SSRI for 18 mos and is much better. The anxiety is gone. She is not depressed. She Is still VERY argumentative. Part of that is teenage angst. I don't have any memories of hugs or times of close talks. She needs to be in Attachment Therapy. I thought her therapist was going to work on that, but she hasn't yet.

The other kids are both very attached to me, but they came at 6 mos.

I would encourage you to take good care of yourself. Get the right medicine and when you're feeling better, find a good attachment therapist. It will be tough, but so good for you and your relationships.

BTW, there are many people that struggle with attachment problems. It is not limited to adopted children. My dad had some attachment issues and he was not adopted. He did have a mother that was not very warm and probably did not bond with him.

I'm wondering if maybe this doctor is latching onto "attachment disorder" but really should be looking more towards abandonment issues that may be adoption related?? I would personally be hesitant to work with anyone (no matter how credentialed) who makes an immediate diagnosis of Attachment Disorder just from your explanation of being adopted. I would feel the same if they jumped to the conclusion that because you are adopted you actually have abandonment issues. You may and you may not, and it could be adoption related or not. Depression can be situational, but there is also a chemical component, and it could very well be that depression runs in your bio family, too, and is genetic. It's so hard to say, but I certainly wouldn't think it is something that can be teased out in just one session from your description of being adopted.

Lori, I'm a closed era adoptee to - not to much older than you and welcome to the forums...there are several regular posters in this age bracket. I think attachment and abandonment issues can be part of the same issue. I did a quick search and found an interesting paper. If interested you can find the link below. The page on the pdf starts at 41 and if you want to get to the info on adoptees you can jump right to page 44 although the first pages are interesting and helpful. [URL="http://ojs.lib.swin.edu.au/index.php/ejap/article/viewFile/5/14"]http://ojs.lib.swin.edu.au/index.php/ejap/article/viewFile/5/14[/URL] I believe that who we are as individuals is comprised of everything we have seen, heard, done or been party to our entire life. What we do with it is up to us, you have sought help and that is the first step in how you will deal with it. Life is never static and what is today does not have to be what tomorrow is. Take advantage of what is offered and see if it applies to you and how you feel. Kind regards,Dickons

Hi Loridec,While I'm not familiar with attachment disorder specifically, I imagine that it has stuff in common with abandonment issues. You're definitely not alone. My psychologist had said that there are a lot of people who suffer abandonment issues. Whether they're adoption-related or not, the pain is still there. I do recognise that I have abandonment issues and they could be related to adoption, to divorced parents and/or to the fact that we'd lived a relatively nomadic life when I was growing up (5 countries, 7 cities, 11 addresses, 4 primary schools, 4 high schools by the time I was 18). I've read quite a few books about adoption and the linkages between adoption and abandonment/attachment stuff do make sense to me. And when I see babies getting all upset and freaked out when their parents are away, even for a few moments, I imagine how freaked out I must have been as a baby when I lost my b-parents permanently. My belief is that whatever the origins of one's emotional pain, it is important to seek professional help from someone that one feels comfortable with. I don't have any firm answers on how we fully 'heal' but from having talked with many adoptees - we somehow learn to reconcile our stuff and find ways to manage. And in the meantime, I find it helps to talk with others eg. people on these forums. All the best to you as you explore your own ways of addressing attachment disorder, depression or whatever you want to call the emotional pain that you've been grappling with. Again, you're definitely not alone in your struggles and may you find many supportive here on the forums. Regards,Ripples

Thank you everyone for your help, I am finding peace with who I am but the depression is not getting too much better. I sppose it is a long road.

I have felt the same way and still do. One thing I must keep telling myself is that this depression hasn’t beat me just yet. It’s posed me off, made me sad, cry, think bad thoughts but I’m then end it is a battle. It won’t ever go away but it will get better in time. One thing that I do is make myself uncomfortable. Do things that I don’t think I’d like, travel to places and be in situations that aren’t my favorite. Get very uncomfortable and by doing so get to know something new about yourself. The best way for me to beat my depression is understand myself which helps me to accept myself and makes me love myself. If you love something or someone enough they “Can do NO wrong” mentality is the best way to treat yourself when feeling down. Give it a try.