Dealing with Name "Change"

I guess for me, it would be a matter of a few things... Did it seem like a typo, or was it absolutely incorrect? Like, is your name Joan and they wrote Jean, or is your name Elaine and they called you Marlene? (know what I mean? the first could be an error, the second is obviously ridiculous). Second, are they the type who seem like they would do this on purpose to be "that way"? (I know people like this - acting superior). Like, I've known someone who would call me something that is nowhere even NEAR my name...and I KNOW they know my name, but apparently don't find me important enough to reach back two centimeters in their brain to recall it. On the other hand, a few months ago, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in a while. I, of course, knew her name, which is Aileen. I called her Arlene 3 times. She corrected me on the third time and I said "OMG - was I actually calling you Arlene? I work with an Arlene and I'm so used to saying it..." Needless to say, I was humiliated! But it was an honest mistake. Basically, I'd let it go, but if it happens again, I would ABSOLUTELY say something. Something like "By the way, I noticed you've been calling me Marlene...my name is actually Elaine." (Does any of this make sense?!? lol)

I was also thinking along the lines of what lovemy said. I once addressed a Christmas card to my aunt's family & referred to my cousin Danielle as "Nicole." Because when I was writing the cards I was talking to my husband & we had been talking about his younger (half)sister, Nicole - and that was the name that was in my head when I wrote the card. I was, of course, mortified. But I wonder if that sort of thing doesn't happen sometimes - it's so rare we can give our full attention to anything we're doing at any point, and sometimes when we're distracted it's easy to make a mistake like that. I think, if it were me, I'd let it slide this time & see what happens next time you get an update. Once could just be an honest mistake - she happened to have someone she knows with a similar name on her mind when she was writing to you - but more than once is definitely something I would say something about.

How old is the amom? I swear to God I have been having serious "senior moments" lately. The other day, I was on my cell phone talking to my co-counsel in a case. His name is Brandon. DH was there and said..."you realize in the course of a five minute conversation, you called him Brandon, Brendan and Brian?" (I had not realized this!). I would probably be pretty annoyed if my DD's birth mom wrote something to me and addressed it "Katherine" (which sounds like Karen). So I understand the "annoyance," but I wouldn't assume a bad intent, you know? You could point it out to her..I'm sure she'd be mortified.

Okay, I'll answer what I know :) The name was about three letters off, so not really just a slip of one wrong/substituted/added letter, you know? But the first letter was right. I don't think I know the answers to any of the other questions....

Okay, and now response from ME :) I'm REALLY touchy about names. Mine is one that can get mispronounced with the switch of a letter and it bugs the heck out of me. Yes, sometimes people make the honest mistake, and sometimes I feel like some people treat it it's just not important enough to get right. Having said that - YES, it could be an honest mistake. I'm not sure whether it was typed or not, but I'm more likely to screw something up when I'm typing... Having said THAT (ha!) - I know that I personally scrutinize everything I send to Dee and re-read it to make sure it's "perfect" - or as close as I feel I can get on that given day! I would like to think I would catch it if I wrote the wrong name.....so that colors my reception of the story a little bit. So like Loveajax said, I'd be CRAZY annoyed if Dee got my name wrong, but I'd probably try to assume it was innocent. BUT if it happened twice? I'd be crazy irritated....

This is just me...but if I had an important relationship with someone, I would be making sure that letter was perfect. Especially if I'm not in constant communication with that person. kwim? Like if I sent updates 3 times a year to my kids' bmom, I'd be sweating over it and revising it over and over most likely, so I can't imagine misspelling her name. (like you TGM!)If I was emailing someone daily and got occupied, then yes, I could see a brain fart in the scope of "multitasking way too many things as I jot off this "quick" note and since dd asked about her friend Kelly as I was writing it, the email was addressed to Kelly and not Sherry." Seriously..I would do that! BUT...in an update to my kids' bmom? That seems odd to me. Truly does.

I'm with Crick on this one. For something like this a misspelling of a name just seems so passive agressive to me. Firing off an email, having a conversation while your mind is otherwise occupied...well that happens to many of us, but on a snail mail update....I don't buy that it was a simple mistake. Having said that, while I'd be irritated and my feelings would be hurt, I'd try to shrug it off. My 2 cents.

crick & paige -I see both of your point on this one - and like TGM I have a tendency to scrutinize everything (one of my weird fears is that I'm going to address someone by the wrong name, so I double- and triple-check things like that in ALL my correspondence these days, lol), but I don't tend to assume everyone is the same way.As far as the difference between e-mail and letter - I don't rewrite/revise/whatnot to get letters to D "perfect" - they're very conversational & I just write as I go (although I do make notes during the month about things I want to make sure to mention to her) - but it can take me *days* to finish a letter to her. Because I can't seem to get more than a paragraph out before Julia is demanding my attention or the dog wants to be let out or my husband calls from work to see if I need anything at the store on the way home - or whatever. Maybe it's just me (and my ADHD), but I feel like I'm more likely to get distracted in the middle of writing a long letter than I am while shooting off a quick e-mail. I think that's why I'm not so quick to write it off as careless or passive aggressive. It really does seem to me like it could have been an honest mistake; I can see how it would be annoying (I get annoyed when people who *should* know better misspell my name, never mind use the wrong one), but I don't know that I'd assume some sort of bad intent from it right out of the gate.

I'm so jealous!!! I think I *try* to make mine conversational, but it's like when an actor is playing themself and sometimes they just miss the mark, you know??? I often think - why can't I write emails to Dee like I blog???? (Not that the blog is amazing or anything, but I know I'm at least being true to ME there, if that makes sense...) I don't think it's automatic malice for getting it wrong, but it just strikes me as weird more than anything.

Personally I find that in addition to my 'senior moments' where I just plain screw up names, etc., the more time I spend trying to edit and make something 'just right,' the more I tend to overlook the obvious. Like a name. I am to worried about editing the content and forget the 'easy' things. I would defintely be annoyed, but I wouldn't assume malice. But that may be my every increasing occurances of brain blips talking. :)

I might let the person know the correct spelling of my name, in a nice way. I don't know if I would bring it up after the first instance, but if it happened again, DEFINITELY. I would say "I noticed you used the wrong name when you wrote me the last [few] time[s]. Please note the correct spelling is __________." If they continued to disregard that, I would consider it a passive-agreesive issue and very disrespectful.

Definitely weird. Especially in such a long-standing relationship & nothing like that has ever happened before. I think that's why I'd err on the side of "brain fart." Wish I had a suggestion for how you could trick yourself into thinking you're blogging when you write to Dee. It's hard when you want to give a particular impression to let "yourself" come through. I'm usually really antsy when I write; I have no idea why I'm so comfortable writing to D.