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When I was 5 years old I was told that I was adopted at birth. From that day on things have been different. All though I was young and did not understand what being adopted was or came along with I felt like the outsider in my house. The family that adopted me is amazing, they are my parents just not biologically. As I have aged, I have found the circumstances that led up to my adoption as well as after. Many could not even fathom my story if I told you. I have become bitter, angry but more so depressed. I cover up my problems by fighting or not talking about it but this HAS to change. In Feburary I was hurt playing hockey, an injury that ended my carrer and stripped me off my pending scholarships. From that day till now, I have depended on Vicodin and Loratab to cover up my pain and my depression. I want to be normal, I don't want to feel different than everyone of my friends. I want it to go away. I don't want to keep this burried inside me anymore. My girlfriend of 10 months just found out and she is the only one I have told in a LONG time. If someone can shed some light from experence on my situation I would apprciate it.
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Mikeyd, Welcome to the forums...I hope you find peace and healing here. The forums are pretty quiet due to holidays but things will pick up. There are adoptees in their 20's through their 50's that post here on a regular basis - male and female so you will make friends. I am sorry you are feeling angry and depressed but you want that to change and that is the first step. Even if you falter you can get right back up again. I too was adopted as an infant and have had ups and downs but not to the degree you are feeling right now. Are you angry about being adopted or that you got hurt and where you were going is no longer possible? Both situations can cause pain and anger while you learn to deal with what life has thrown at you. Loss is loss whatever way you look at it but if you are willing to take each day as it comes it can get better. Stick around and let people get to know you and perhaps our rambling conversations can help ease the pain you are feeling. Kind regards,Dickons
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Dickons, thankyou. When i got hurt from hockey the only thing that kept me sane was thinking in my head that id be back next season but my injury is too extensive to ever play again. I know others have been adopted and hurt and turned away but I feel like the circumstances to my adoption are strictly unique, I belive that they are so complicated that its mindblowing to me and thats why I dont tell people. You have to understand how this feels right? Were you always open about your birthparents to others. Have you ever met them?
I have always been open to anyone about being adopted. I come from a different era than you and mine is simply due to not being married at a time when you really had to be married to have a child. My mother had already passed away when my records were open. My father had no interest. I have met other family though and that was good. If your story isn't simple then perhaps finding someone you can open up to like a mentor, a coach, a therapist, minister, someone you have always known that is kind and good? If you can't do that have you tried to write it down in your own words with your feelings about it? Whatever your story, there are always three sides to the story - one side, the other side and usually the third side 'the middle' is the most honest. Sorry you are in such pain. Kind regards,Dickons
MikeyD...welcome...glad your here...adoption is a life long experience that sometimes brings with it deep feelings of grief and loss.Every adoption story has it's own unique parts and many of us struggle with our story because it's so personal. Our adoption also has a long term influence much like a shadow that is always present, but never speaks.Non adopted people sometimes have difficulty understanding the long term effects of adoption. In many cases it is simply that they have never been through a deep emotional experience. Without that, it is hard to relate to a story that has such long term effects.Stay with us. Here there are many good people who will not only want to hear your story, but will try to help.It may be helpful to go to chat rooms and hear the many flavors of adoption stories. There is a 24/7 chat room here. People from all over the US chat and offer their support. If you want to share your story privately or need help, drop me a note and I will respond.I wish you the best.