RAD and food, fake hurts?

Oh lord have I BEEN THERE with the food issues!! Our son was 7 when he came to us. There were a couple of problems. One was that he had been fed whatever he wanted by saying he either didn't like the food or wasn't hungry at dinner. Our resolution was this:5:30-6:15 was dinner time. You did not have to eat. That was fine if you chose not to. However, your presence was required at the table. If you wanted to complain about dinner, all complaints would be accepted after the dishes were cleared. This took a lot of the control away of the "I am going to make dinner miserable for everyone" game. (Another friend would only accept written complaints in a complaint box. You had to state the date, time, your complaint, and what you wanted done about it on the form and put it in the box, and she would get back to the child within 2 business days. The only complaint she ever got? The kids didn't like the complaint box.) My son tends to go between "I'm not eating that. I hate it. Even though I ate it yesterday and loved it" or overeating and making himself ill. He will sometimes do this as a reaction to emotional stress and sometimes he will do it if it's something everyone else in enjoying so they can't have more of it. (He has admitted to this).So I wouldn't allow your RADlet to control portions. I would say she can have seconds and then I'd make her wait maybe 15-20 minutes and if she's still hungry she can have more. In the 15-20 minutes I'd make her get up from the table and go do something else. The Whether she eats thing I think will work. Because she'll likely be hungry an hour after dinner and then you just pleasantly offer to reheat her supper for her. I'd give it a try at least. You could also link it to something like: "Those people who did not eat the last meal will not be permitted to use screen time until they have eaten their next meal". "can I play Wii?" "I'm sorry, but you didn't eat your lunch. You can try again at dinner. Bummer". With the restaurants, mine will often do the same thing. He hates any restaurant but McDonald's but will clean his plate most of the time. Conversely, if he's in a bad mood he will refuse to eat the food at the restaurant of his choosing, food he's always liked and then will carry on as if we are starving him. One thing we had to do until this year was not allow my son to order off anything but the Children's Menu because he couldn't handle the large number of choices he had on the "Big" menu.I agree, do not keep her home with a parent. It's a control thing, plain and simple. And it's probably a triangulation thing where she doesn't WANT her parents to spend happy time together, because then they might like EACH OTHER more than her. (Again, this came out with my son in Therapy).You were not too hard on her with the earring thing. For awhile there, I was getting 2-3 phone calls a WEEK from my son's school. He escalated to making himself vomit so I would come get him. Now, if I get a call from school I am 90% sure he's actually sick. I have gotten ONE phone call to bring tylenol but that's because the school can't administer it, only a parent can, and kiddo wanted to STAY at school for gym but had a headache.